crystal.

[exequy]

FORM: Crystal.
SENDER: Kostos.
RECIPIENT: Everyone.
NOTES: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Also threadjacking is rad, banter and bicker freely.

The worst country in Thedas—other than Tevinter—

[ A given. ]

—it is Orlais, right? We can all agree to that.

[ Look, he's bored. ]

Comments

[elegiaque]

That's right.

( zero attempt to disguise extremely orlesian accent. )

[exequy]

[ She can stay. ]

Why haven't you done something about yourselves?

[sulahnan]

Definitely the lowest ranked on places I've visited.

[ 2/10, would not recommend. ]

[exequy]

Have you been to the Anderfels?

[cozen]

[doneisdone]

Yes, why do you ask.

[exequy]

Because I am in Orlais and I hate it.

[mereandrastianism]

I think that might be selling Orlais rather short, Serah.

[exequy]

Which one would you rank second-to-last then?

[windyvoice]

Most of the places here suck, my buddy guy.

[exequy]

Did you ever see Nevarra?

When it was not on fire.

[extortionate]

Tantervale's pretty shit.

[exequy]

Really? Worse than Orlais?

silent

[keenly]

[Actually just listening because he's amazed no one has mentioned Ferelden yet, but isn't about to jinx it by commenting on it. The longer it goes on, the more mystified he becomes.]

[exequy]

[ The non-Gwen Orlesians will probably show up eventually, don’t worry. ]

[bouchonne]

As head of Diplomacy, I must note that every nation in Thedas has its marvels and its shortcomings both, and judging a place entire is utterly impossible.

But yes.

[exequy]

As head of Diplomacy, your vote counts twice.

[ Only because it’s the right vote. ]

[murderbaby]

Assuredly. Though I wonder what the general consensus is, on the worst place within Orlais' borders.

[bouchonne]

Val Royeaux.

[ Obviously. ]

[exequy]

I would put money on it being some small village or another, [ because he's a snob and cities are inherently superior to the countryside and its bumpkins, ] but I am not willing to visit them all to rank them.

[elegiaque]

Wherever Celene is.

And where have you been?

[esquive]

You're welcome.

For holding the warfront while Nevarra and all others have pissed around.

[exequy]

You want to be thanked for resisting invasion of your own land?

nsfw sorry to everyone for everything

[bloodandsand]

Oh, I don't think that's quite so, dear. The rich Orlesian is rather rude and pushy about their special fetishes, but no more so than an Antivan or Nevarran.

However in their defense, an Orlesian or Tevinter gentleman is given to wonderfully groomed facial hair, which is utterly lovely when it comes to oral practices. The ladies of both nations are naturally quite skilled in tongue and finger, but they do have a delightful sort of viciousness one does not need to coax out.

[exequy]

Have you done anything with Orlesians except fuck them?

[degenere]

But of course the countryside is miserable in the summer months. That is why no one of Orlais would be found there in the summer months.

And even if that were not true, no, I could not agree. It is my belief that Orlais is not the worst country in Thedas, other than Tevinter. The worst country in Thedas, other than Tevinter, is Ferelden. Everyone knows that.

[keenly]

[Ah, at last.]

Everyone who's lost a war to us, anyway.

[glandival]

Which Orlais?

[exequy]

All of them.

[ He does not do the rising intonation of a question, because that would be not very him, but there's still a faint hint of what. ]