A warning

[justice_is_blond]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Anders, Oghren
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: People are being warned
WHEN: Current!
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Oghren. Blue is Oghren, bold is Anders.

[There's a heavy sigh before he speaks; the first speaker, Anders, might be having some serious regrets.]

We've a new Warden, or rather an old Warden returned to the group, and I've a warning to issue: if you're challenged to a drinking contest with a particularly smelly dwarf, do not take it. The Wardens are not responsible for what happens if you decide to ignore this advice. Honestly, your best bet is to steer clear altoge--what are you drinking now?

[There's some bottles clinking together followed by a loud belch before Oghren speaks up.]

You need some better alcohol. This tastes worst than actual piss. Funny color to it too.

That's not... Maker's breath, Oghren, that's not for gulping down! Put the remnants of the potions down and stop messing with them! If you puke or you die, you better do it outside this tent. I'm not responsible for that either.

[There's more clinking as Anders gathers up what remnants he can.]

What are you going on about? That wasn't ale? [There's a pause.] My ancestors fat tits, what was that, sparkle fingers?

Who would keep ale in the healing tents? That was twenty doses of emetic. Now step outside, because you are not going to get sick in here.

[There's now a grumble and some rustling.] Never heard of keeping something good around for pain. Got to have those potions instead. Can't just have a good ale or something stronger. Got to be... [The sound trails off as he heads outside.]

[There's another heavy sigh. Anders sounds like he's already exhausted when he continues.]

Don't challenge him. Just don't. And if anyone listening cares to bring additional ghoul's beard to the healing tents, I'm in need of it.

Comments

[doneisdone]

Brilliant.

[justice_is_blond]

Teren. Would you like a dwarf? I'm sure you'd like a dwarf. Please.

[wardeneructate]

[Sometime after that bottle incident has passed.........]

Heh. I sure am.

[She's not talking about you, Oghren.]

[limier]

[ the most wanted mage in southern thedas: ]

'Sparklefingers'.

[ ... she might be enjoying this a little too much ]

[wardeneructate]

[Once he has been saved from whatever the hell he's done to himself. (Thank whoever that he's so fermented that he probably can't die ever.)]

Sure. He's got those fingers that sparkle when he doesn't use that stick. Wiggles them about and woooooo magic.

[justice_is_blond]

[...there are worse things Oghren could have said, at least.]

An... older nickname. Yes. Related to magic, incidentally.

[circleprodigy]

[Oh sweet Maker.]

I can snag some from the gardens on my way.

Oghren...you mean Warden Cousland's companion from the Fifth Blight? And he's...really a Warden?

[You sure? You can take that back, Anders, no one will hold it against you.]

[wardeneructate]

[He may feel as if he's thrown up everything he's had since he was born but hey he's alive and freshly drunk. Because that's just how you handle things like that right? Purge then refresh?]

That's right. One of those companions and definitely a Warden.

[He laughs a bit.]

Didn't even pass out from the drink.

[justice_is_blond]

Thank you, and yes. I do mean him. He passed out outside the camp earlier.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

OH. He's still alive!

... I really thought he had fallen off a cliff while drunk.

[Because there was no way the Anders Wardens had been able to get to the legend of Oghren.]

Ah, yes, speaking of -- are you free soonish?

[wardeneructate]

[Good news! He survived the purge! Bad news! He's still gross.]

I'm free for a pretty voice like that anytime you like.

[justice_is_blond]

We all had.

[He sighs.]

I'll be free in a few hours, provided he doesn't die.

[not_the_question]

You do realise that sounded less like a warning and more like a threat, right?

[Because, yeah. That's the important part to focus on. To be honest, the rest didn't matter to the Doctor, he doesn't care for the class system here and he's not in a place to help with the emetic.]

[wardeneructate]

[WELL the emetic didn't kill him. It'll take more than that to pull that off.]

He's a lightweight. Can't keep up with me. So he's thinking no one else can either.

[justice_is_blond]

...I don't care, so long as no one decides to be stupid. I don't care to deal with five alcohol poisoning cases a day again.

[wontforgetyou]

Oh, aye, I see. No drinking contests.

[Any hint of amusement in his tone has nothing to do with the word 'sparklefingers'. None whatsoever.

Well...maybe it does just a little.]

So what's so bad about them with this particular Warden, then?

[wardeneructate]

[Now that he's not wondering if he's going to vomit up his guts...]

I piss ale. He probably thinks you'll see your ancestors before you beat me at a drinking contest.

[unbrokenoath]

I--

Well.

I'm glad I'm not the official drunk disaster Warden anymore.

[wardeneructate]

Pretty sure I had that title first.

[He needs to fix that too because ugh he purged his poor alcohol.]

[byblow]

Oh, good. Super. Our reputation around here was starting to improve, but you know how I hate that. If people start thinking we aren't rowdy unmanageable drunks, what might they expect next? Competence? Reliability? Uughh.

[wardeneructate]

Pretty sure I'm being insulted here.

[He just got done throwing up his life and now this. Look you, he is tall enough to show you just what he can punch.]

[blightedson]

Why do I have the feeling the camp is about to get a lot more interesting?

If you need someone to fetch the ghoul's beard, I don't mind taking a trip to the castle. [He never minds, but you should be aware it might take longer to get it, seeing as he'll likely get side tracked by a certain pretty elf lady.]

[wardeneructate]

[There's some snorting here because he's still getting this stuff out of his nose. You know...how it just works right on up in there and get stuck? Yep. That's the issue here.]

Because it looks like this camp is boring and quiet and that needs some fixing.

[issala]

What is an emetic?

[The important™ questions.]

[wardeneructate]

[Well after learning this lesson the hard way and surviving it...]

Imagine you've had the best food to eat your whole life. Then imagine expelling that all over the ground until you're pretty sure your stomach is just trying to run away and find another body to live in.

[There's a snort on his end because you try purging and then not getting some up your nose okay.]

[in_death_sacrifice]

[There's a sigh first.]

Just make sure that this new... old... comer... doesn't disgrace our order, that's all I ask.

[wardeneructate]

[After that display? And after all he just purged onto the ground outside the med tents? And now you want him to not disgrace the order?

Well, sir, he gives you a nice loud fart over the crystal. Be glad you can't smell it.]

Heh. That was a good one. Nice and fresh.

[failedfirst]

You mean to tell me that someone still hasn't killed him?

[She's disappointed in you, world. Not that that's anything new.]

[wardeneructate]

[No one has killed him. Not even himself with his own stupidity like drinking most of a thing that'll make you throw up your existence.]

Heh. I'm a ladykiller, not one that gets killed.

[degenere]

But your pardon, my friend. What if we had the name of a competitor? One that would make for a good contest?

[justice_is_blond]

I've seen many think they were competition for him, and seen many fail. And then I had to treat them. I think the odds are very slim that you've a true competitor... but I'll allow that it's possible.

At the Healing Tents

[killedwithlove]

[Did Cole hear the sending crystal announcement? Or does he just know what is needed? Either way, he turns up at the healing tents with a carefully wrapped bundle, virtually appearing next to Anders from thin air.]

I brought ghoul's beard.

[justice_is_blond]

[He's startled by Cole's appearance, looking shocked for a moment before he realizes who it is and gives him a smile.]

Thank you. That's exactly what I need after him.

[He jerks his head in the direction of outside, where Oghren can be heard chattering away on the crystal.]

He means well, some of the time. He's just a handful. ...Which I imagine you already know. Here, would you like to see me prepare it while you tell me something interesting you've been up to? It's been some time since we talked last.

[ombranera]

You know- I considered how it was I would hear of you again my fine, short friend. This is more or less exactly what I imagined.

[justice_is_blond]

If I'd been thinking, I would have imagined this as well. And secured things better.

[But he sounds amused rather than annoyed.]

I babyproofed the healer's tent. I didn't think about Oghren-proofing it.