therookery | A warning

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Anders, Oghren
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: People are being warned
WHEN: Current!
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Oghren. Blue is Oghren, bold is Anders.

[There's a heavy sigh before he speaks; the first speaker, Anders, might be having some serious regrets.]

We've a new Warden, or rather an old Warden returned to the group, and I've a warning to issue: if you're challenged to a drinking contest with a particularly smelly dwarf, do not take it. The Wardens are not responsible for what happens if you decide to ignore this advice. Honestly, your best bet is to steer clear altoge--what are you drinking now?

[There's some bottles clinking together followed by a loud belch before Oghren speaks up.]

You need some better alcohol. This tastes worst than actual piss. Funny color to it too.

That's not... Maker's breath, Oghren, that's not for gulping down! Put the remnants of the potions down and stop messing with them! If you puke or you die, you better do it outside this tent. I'm not responsible for that either.

[There's more clinking as Anders gathers up what remnants he can.]

What are you going on about? That wasn't ale? [There's a pause.] My ancestors fat tits, what was that, sparkle fingers?

Who would keep ale in the healing tents? That was twenty doses of emetic. Now step outside, because you are not going to get sick in here.

[There's now a grumble and some rustling.] Never heard of keeping something good around for pain. Got to have those potions instead. Can't just have a good ale or something stronger. Got to be... [The sound trails off as he heads outside.]

[There's another heavy sigh. Anders sounds like he's already exhausted when he continues.]

Don't challenge him. Just don't. And if anyone listening cares to bring additional ghoul's beard to the healing tents, I'm in need of it.

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[There's really only so much that Jamie can listen to before feeling the need to interject, and, and given that he's not anywhere near the Doctor at the moment, the crystal'll just have to do.]

Doctor.

What? You were the one talking about being a Scotsman. I'm Scottish this go.

[And Time Lord. And he had only mentioned River in passing and now he needs to drown her out again. Everyone wins.]

Look, you know you're more than that. Anders doesn't.

What does that have to do with anything?

He's not going to believe you'll be able to keep up with Oghren, for a start.

Well, that's hardly my problem. It's not like I didn't tell him that I would win.

Besides, the challenge might be good for me.

[For a host of reasons.]

Aye, but there's no point- och, never mind. You're really thinking of going through with it?

Sure, why not? Is there a reason I shouldn't?

[The Doctor needs a distraction. He figures this will work.]

Other than the fact that I'm thinking Anders is right here? I've had some of that Qunari stuff. It's nothing to sneeze at, Doctor. Now I know you're not human, but that might not matter here. It's awfully risky all the same.

Edited 2017-03-13 00:06 (UTC)

Jamie. How many planets have I been to? And have you ever once known me to get inebriated?

No, I've not. But you've not had a bit of glowing magic stuck in your hand before either. If having one makes it so that I can shoot wee bits of light out of it, what do you think it might've done to you?

Oh I know it can sort of do that. But I really doubt it would actually change my biology, do you?

[Well, to be fair, maybe it did rewrite biology, but what a fantastic experiment!]

You're asking me?

[Because the Doctor knows when it comes to knowing what might change biology Jamie's the wrong person to ask - but he has accepted there's magic here, and it can do some very strange things. Not necessarily good ones, either.]

Look, all I'm saying is it's awfully risky, Doctor. Is it really something you want to find out the hard way?

I was being rhetorical.

Actually, I thought this would be the easy way. The hard way would be if I got captured and tortured.

[No, really, this is how the Doctor thinks about things now.]

[There's a lengthy silence on Jamie's end, and the reply when it comes is a terse one, even for him.]

Don't think you want the hard way, then.

Well, that was my thought.

Glad we agree.

[Yes, he's grinning and it can be heard in his tone.]

Glad you think that's funny.

[The Doctor might be amused, but Jamie isn't - not by a long shot, and some that shows in his tone.]

Fine, then. Do what you want, Doctor. Don't say I didn't warn you if it comes back to bite you later on.

[The Doctor get a bit more serious again. He was complete rubbish at all of this. He didn't even know why he bothered.]

Jamie, people have left me with the impression that I need to 'loosen up'. [The quotes could be heard in his tone.] Isn't that what you humans do? Drinking competitions?

[Or really, any kind of competition. Honestly, the harder he tries to fit in, the worst he does.]

[There's a sigh from the other end, and a faint noise that may in fact be there because he is running a hand over his face.]

Aye, some do. And if that's really what you want to do, Doctor, then do it. That's not the problem.

Then what is?

[He's a bit more alien this go. He only tries to understand humans when absolutely necessary.]

The part where you seem to think torture is funny is.

[And yeah, maybe he misheard there. He's still a little sensitive to that right at the moment, though, and there's a hint of that in his tone.]

Oh. That's very much not what I meant. Torture isn't funny. People thinking that drinking themselves into oblivion as torture, is amusing only for how wrong they are.

[A pause. The Doctor realises this is too public.]

If you want to talk about it, we can, but not like this.

Aye, maybe we will then. Not on these things, though.

I do know from experience that the conversation we're talking about having goes better with a glass or five of Scotch. So hopefully they have something comparable here.

Well, there's some things that are close, but not the same, if you ask me. I know where I can lay my hands on something, though...so long as you promise me you'll leave it out of any drinking contests.

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