A warning

[justice_is_blond]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Anders, Oghren
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: People are being warned
WHEN: Current!
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Oghren. Blue is Oghren, bold is Anders.

[There's a heavy sigh before he speaks; the first speaker, Anders, might be having some serious regrets.]

We've a new Warden, or rather an old Warden returned to the group, and I've a warning to issue: if you're challenged to a drinking contest with a particularly smelly dwarf, do not take it. The Wardens are not responsible for what happens if you decide to ignore this advice. Honestly, your best bet is to steer clear altoge--what are you drinking now?

[There's some bottles clinking together followed by a loud belch before Oghren speaks up.]

You need some better alcohol. This tastes worst than actual piss. Funny color to it too.

That's not... Maker's breath, Oghren, that's not for gulping down! Put the remnants of the potions down and stop messing with them! If you puke or you die, you better do it outside this tent. I'm not responsible for that either.

[There's more clinking as Anders gathers up what remnants he can.]

What are you going on about? That wasn't ale? [There's a pause.] My ancestors fat tits, what was that, sparkle fingers?

Who would keep ale in the healing tents? That was twenty doses of emetic. Now step outside, because you are not going to get sick in here.

[There's now a grumble and some rustling.] Never heard of keeping something good around for pain. Got to have those potions instead. Can't just have a good ale or something stronger. Got to be... [The sound trails off as he heads outside.]

[There's another heavy sigh. Anders sounds like he's already exhausted when he continues.]

Don't challenge him. Just don't. And if anyone listening cares to bring additional ghoul's beard to the healing tents, I'm in need of it.

Comments

[not_the_question]

I bet you would.

[The mention of the town tells him the man's a Dwarf.]

The think is, it would probably kill you. Literally. Their gasses are... incompatible with humanoid species.

[wardeneructate]

Now you're just insulting. I'm not human in the slightest. I'm a dwarf of Orzammar and made of tougher stuff than you think.

[not_the_question]

Did I say 'human'? No. I said humanoid: two eyes, two arms, two feet, peachy skin. Anyone who didn't know you were a dwarf would call you human. Therefore you're humanoid. As opposed to Octopedial. Which means having eight legs.

[He had to go there, didn't he? Yup, he did, sorry.]

[wardeneructate]

If they mistook me for a human they'd find themselves missing some stones. No dwarf is anything like a human. We've got plenty of differences.

For one our women have more meat on their rumps.

[Shush. That's important.]

[not_the_question]

[The Doctor is faceplaming so hard right now. Good thing the dwarf can't see.]

Yes, yes. You are exceptionally different(!)

[That was the Doctor's sarcasm coming out. And yes, sarcasm does help!]

[wardeneructate]

You'd best sod off and go do some research on dwarves and the other races of these lands. Or better yet, just sod off.

[And he's done talking. The Doctor REALLY made a huge error here and Oghren has officially put him on his "never share drinks with" list.]