A warning

[justice_is_blond]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Anders, Oghren
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: People are being warned
WHEN: Current!
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Oghren. Blue is Oghren, bold is Anders.

[There's a heavy sigh before he speaks; the first speaker, Anders, might be having some serious regrets.]

We've a new Warden, or rather an old Warden returned to the group, and I've a warning to issue: if you're challenged to a drinking contest with a particularly smelly dwarf, do not take it. The Wardens are not responsible for what happens if you decide to ignore this advice. Honestly, your best bet is to steer clear altoge--what are you drinking now?

[There's some bottles clinking together followed by a loud belch before Oghren speaks up.]

You need some better alcohol. This tastes worst than actual piss. Funny color to it too.

That's not... Maker's breath, Oghren, that's not for gulping down! Put the remnants of the potions down and stop messing with them! If you puke or you die, you better do it outside this tent. I'm not responsible for that either.

[There's more clinking as Anders gathers up what remnants he can.]

What are you going on about? That wasn't ale? [There's a pause.] My ancestors fat tits, what was that, sparkle fingers?

Who would keep ale in the healing tents? That was twenty doses of emetic. Now step outside, because you are not going to get sick in here.

[There's now a grumble and some rustling.] Never heard of keeping something good around for pain. Got to have those potions instead. Can't just have a good ale or something stronger. Got to be... [The sound trails off as he heads outside.]

[There's another heavy sigh. Anders sounds like he's already exhausted when he continues.]

Don't challenge him. Just don't. And if anyone listening cares to bring additional ghoul's beard to the healing tents, I'm in need of it.

Comments

[degenere]

He is a man of many talents, our Jeannot. And when he is drunk, that is when he is his most profound.

But tell me. Your friend: he is truly so talented?


[ "talented" ]

[justice_is_blond]

Profound? Now I might actually want to see this competition. I've given fair warning, my job there is done. Because yes. I've seen Oghren drink any number of things that should have killed him.

[degenere]

We are still speaking of alcohol, yes? Not poisons? Alcohols so vile that they taste like a poison, these still count as alcohol.

[wardeneructate]

So you ever here about how Wardens pass out if they survive the blood thing? Just knocks them flat out.

Heh. I just burped.

[degenere]

No, I had not heard that. Then again, I have heard very little of the Wardens before now. For how long are they unconscious?

[wardeneructate]

Yeah. They go and get a bunch of goats and put them in dresses. Do a big parade with them. Lots of alcohol involved.

Then they get you this secret brew that the dwarves invented years ago. Powerful stuff. Black as tar pits and makes your backside burn. Well they parade those goats all around you as you drink the stuff. Most can only get through one of those things but I told them to keep them coming.

Call the whole thing the "Blood Ritual". Probably to scare the new kids who join.

Most find they don't wake up for a day or two after.

[degenere]

Yes, we had such rituals at the University. Of course, they involved less dwarven brews...

[Although wwwwait.]

No actual blood is involved?

[wardeneructate]

What do you think we Wardens are doing? Why drink blood when just some dwarven ale will do the trick just fine? You ever have any of the stuff?

[He has a feeling this guy has his head too far up his sodding backside to have had any proper black ale from Orzammar.]

[justice_is_blond]

We're speaking of alcohol and anything else he drinks. Most people would be nearly instantly incapacitated by what he just drank, after all.

[degenere]

What was the stuff, anyways?

[justice_is_blond]

A brew made with ghoul's beard that's meant to make someone vomit. It's what we use if a child's eaten something they're not supposed to, or so on. One only needs a sip... and he drank the entire vial. I don't know how he's upright, but he's Oghren.

[degenere]

A... ghoul's beard.

How is that harvested?

[justice_is_blond]

...It's a plant. It looks scraggly, hence the name. If you come by the healing tents a little later I can show you; I've a few volunteers bringing some.

Surely you don't think elfroot is harvested from elves stuck in the ground?

[His tone is very teasing.]

[degenere]

Perhaps it is. I know very little of the elves. Or perhaps it is a figurative, yes? A toe instead of a proper root.

I know little enough, too, of herbs and plants. It is the creatures to which I have devoted my natural studies. If you have some, I would like to see it.

[justice_is_blond]

We've a few different herbs here. Come by. I'm certain I'll have ghoul's beard to show you shortly, and I definitely have elfroot.