A warning

[justice_is_blond]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Anders, Oghren
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: People are being warned
WHEN: Current!
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Oghren. Blue is Oghren, bold is Anders.

[There's a heavy sigh before he speaks; the first speaker, Anders, might be having some serious regrets.]

We've a new Warden, or rather an old Warden returned to the group, and I've a warning to issue: if you're challenged to a drinking contest with a particularly smelly dwarf, do not take it. The Wardens are not responsible for what happens if you decide to ignore this advice. Honestly, your best bet is to steer clear altoge--what are you drinking now?

[There's some bottles clinking together followed by a loud belch before Oghren speaks up.]

You need some better alcohol. This tastes worst than actual piss. Funny color to it too.

That's not... Maker's breath, Oghren, that's not for gulping down! Put the remnants of the potions down and stop messing with them! If you puke or you die, you better do it outside this tent. I'm not responsible for that either.

[There's more clinking as Anders gathers up what remnants he can.]

What are you going on about? That wasn't ale? [There's a pause.] My ancestors fat tits, what was that, sparkle fingers?

Who would keep ale in the healing tents? That was twenty doses of emetic. Now step outside, because you are not going to get sick in here.

[There's now a grumble and some rustling.] Never heard of keeping something good around for pain. Got to have those potions instead. Can't just have a good ale or something stronger. Got to be... [The sound trails off as he heads outside.]

[There's another heavy sigh. Anders sounds like he's already exhausted when he continues.]

Don't challenge him. Just don't. And if anyone listening cares to bring additional ghoul's beard to the healing tents, I'm in need of it.

Comments

[wardeneructate]

Well I have. Twice. Get up under the skirts for some tickling too. So I'd say that I might have a better idea of what gets the juices flowing in this case.

[Never question the Ladykiller of Orzammar okay. Gosh.]

[in_death_sacrifice]

You... really? Twice? [Sob why is he a total romantic failure when people like this are going so far as getting married? Talk about new brooding material.] There's someone out there for all tastes, apparently...

[wardeneructate]

You probably shouldn't be insulting Felsi like that. She's a good woman even if I'm not the best man.

[in_death_sacrifice]

No insult meant, honest. It's... actually good to know there's someone out there for all types, really.

[wardeneructate]

No luck with the ladies, huh?

[in_death_sacrifice]

Well, I've... [Siiiiiigh no use denying it.] No. No luck whatsoever.

[wardeneructate]

Never tickled the kitty, huh?

[Pause.]

Brought the snake home?

[Pause.]

Buried the bone?

[Kain he has a million of these.]

[in_death_sacrifice]

I've. [Here you can just feel the blushing and the awkwardness about discussing the only sort of encounter he's ever had. A real bond from being in love, though? Not yet, sadly.] Visited a brothel.

[wardeneructate]

To watch or actually get things pumping?

[in_death_sacrifice]

[Awkward tone, he doesn't discuss this sort of thing usually.]

Much more than watching.

[wardeneructate]

Need to pay to bury the pole, huh?

[Poor kid. Well, he's decided something thing.]

Guess I better teach you how to get the ladies then. You've got old Oghren to get you a girl now.

[in_death_sacrifice]

I- well, I just... the woman I loved wasn't... she didn't even... Ah, never mind.

[Oh man is he really confessing about his whole unrequited love thing to... to Oghren of all people? And is he really about to take his love advice. This can't go wrong at all!]

You... you really intend to do this? Are you sure? I don't want to take up your time if you have a lot of more important things happening...

[wardeneructate]

I had some romance problems myself in the past. I know how that goes.

[His may or may not have been more complicated. What with the whole having been married to a Paragon thing. Of course he's not going to judge that without knowing the full story of this kid.

So anyway...]

What's so important that I can't help a fellow Warden? Sounds like you need to go about settling down to help you out so why not. Brotherhood and all that squishy fluffy stuff they like to tell us about.

[in_death_sacrifice]

I suppose I need all the help I can get.

[Maker help him, he's really lost it if this is how desperate he's become. He can respect the deeds of Oghren in some weird abstract way, but... the actual dwarf himself... and getting advice about romance from him... He hopes he's not made some fatal error here.]