A warning

[justice_is_blond]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Anders, Oghren
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: People are being warned
WHEN: Current!
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Oghren. Blue is Oghren, bold is Anders.

[There's a heavy sigh before he speaks; the first speaker, Anders, might be having some serious regrets.]

We've a new Warden, or rather an old Warden returned to the group, and I've a warning to issue: if you're challenged to a drinking contest with a particularly smelly dwarf, do not take it. The Wardens are not responsible for what happens if you decide to ignore this advice. Honestly, your best bet is to steer clear altoge--what are you drinking now?

[There's some bottles clinking together followed by a loud belch before Oghren speaks up.]

You need some better alcohol. This tastes worst than actual piss. Funny color to it too.

That's not... Maker's breath, Oghren, that's not for gulping down! Put the remnants of the potions down and stop messing with them! If you puke or you die, you better do it outside this tent. I'm not responsible for that either.

[There's more clinking as Anders gathers up what remnants he can.]

What are you going on about? That wasn't ale? [There's a pause.] My ancestors fat tits, what was that, sparkle fingers?

Who would keep ale in the healing tents? That was twenty doses of emetic. Now step outside, because you are not going to get sick in here.

[There's now a grumble and some rustling.] Never heard of keeping something good around for pain. Got to have those potions instead. Can't just have a good ale or something stronger. Got to be... [The sound trails off as he heads outside.]

[There's another heavy sigh. Anders sounds like he's already exhausted when he continues.]

Don't challenge him. Just don't. And if anyone listening cares to bring additional ghoul's beard to the healing tents, I'm in need of it.

Comments

[justice_is_blond]

[...Billions? That's got to be hyperbole.]

I've tended to many. And I know Oghren. I've yet to see anyone who could come close to his tolerances.

[not_the_question]

[The Doctor uses many literary effects. Hyperbole is rarely one of them, because the facts are dramatic enough.]

Well in that case, we could make this... interesting.

[justice_is_blond]

Not interesting in a way I care to be a part of. If you challenge him, it's on your own head and I disclaim any and all responsibility.

[not_the_question]

Oh that's rather boring. You make this big deal about a warning. Then you're not even willing to place a bet on someone who can prove you wrong?

[justice_is_blond]

I made a warning to avoid anyone attempting to do something idiotic, not offer money to them to do it. Who are you, and why are you determined to bring headache and nausea down upon yourself?

[not_the_question]

I'm the Doctor. A Rifter. And I won't get a headache or nausea. My body metabolises alcohol too quickly for me to experience such.

[justice_is_blond]

Here's the thing with betting on this. Either you can do as you say and you win and I lose, or you can't and we both lose. All I can do is lose. I'm not taking any wagers. I'm not an idiot.

[not_the_question]

Don't be so pessimistic! It affects Team Morale.

[justice_is_blond]

I'm a realist who has had little reason for morale or optimism.

[not_the_question]

Oh? I take it you're from this place then?

[Because frankly, that seems like a running theme here.]

[justice_is_blond]

I am, yes. A mage from this place, to be specific.

[Which might explain even more.]

[not_the_question]

Oh well, a mage. Aren't you lot trying to prove that you should be allowed to rule yourselves or something? I'd think you'd need a bit or morale and optimism to achieve that goal...

[Or, maybe that's why they haven't succeeded yet...]

[justice_is_blond]

No, we're trying to gain equality, not rule. Freedom, rather than being locked up the moment our abilities manifest. People who aren't treated as people will naturally have low morale.

[not_the_question]

Isn't part of this equality you seek to govern yourselves? That is what I meant by rule.

You're treated as people here, as far as I've seen. Shouldn't that be encouraging?

[justice_is_blond]

Many non-mages fear mages ruling over them. That's how I took it, my apologies. And yes. Here, while we're useful, we're being seen as people. But this is a small sub-section of our world, and we've no way of knowing for sure if it will last past dealing with the current threat that is Corypheus.

[not_the_question]

[The Doctor might observe that he's not exactly a non-mage either, but it's not worth it, and might really freak everyone out a bit.]

There's no way to know it won't continue either. The only thing that is known is that if you give up, you have no chance at all.

[justice_is_blond]

I've no intention of giving up that fight. I simply have no intention of making a bet where I'd lose either way. You'll do as you will in regard to Oghren; leave me out of whatever mess is the result.

[not_the_question]

Who said anything about a mess? Is Oghren a sore loser?

[justice_is_blond]

Overindulgence tends to lead to at least one person being sick to their stomach. I've already dealt with enough of that today.

[not_the_question]

In this case, probably true. Just not for me.

[wontforgetyou]

[There's really only so much that Jamie can listen to before feeling the need to interject, and, and given that he's not anywhere near the Doctor at the moment, the crystal'll just have to do.]

Doctor.

[not_the_question]

What? You were the one talking about being a Scotsman. I'm Scottish this go.

[And Time Lord. And he had only mentioned River in passing and now he needs to drown her out again. Everyone wins.]

[wontforgetyou]

Look, you know you're more than that. Anders doesn't.

[not_the_question]

What does that have to do with anything?

[wontforgetyou]

He's not going to believe you'll be able to keep up with Oghren, for a start.