Griffon gripes

[aventuriere]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Freddie, Val, and Jehan (your favorites!)
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: A Griffon Grievance
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Can we say a group of griffons is called a grievance? A grievance of griffons?

Inquisition.

[This is Val. Don’t stop listening, his tone is grave and serious, which means what follows will be equally grave and serious.]

When one thinks of the noblest of creatures, beasts of the air, one must first and always think of griffons. The dragon, she has a certain unspeakable loveliness, a loveliness of her form, in all her savage glory, but if the word to meditate upon is nobility, then it is the griffon that comes first to mind. On this, we can all agree, yes?

So, then, tell to me: why complain about the smell? [ Because it is terrible! another accented voice says in the background, muffled. ] Yes, it is a pungent aroma. But nobly so. Less noble and far more worthy of complaint is the habit of the griffon of which books do not speak of: the habit of airborne thievery.

A whole ham, Inquisition.

[ Jeannot—who had his despondent face buried in a pillow, before this point—lifts his head to chime in. ]

A good ham. It tasted of hope. Or I imagine that it must have, before it was swallowed whole by a beast who did not even pause to appreciate it.

We ought to have been warned. And another thing—

And another thing! [ It's Freddie now, talking over Jehan, feel free to begin paying attention again. She sounds incensed, but also like she's probably putting it on a bit. ] Hair ribbons! If the beasts want my last good set of silk hair ribbons I would be more than happy to donate them to the cause of brightening up the horribly dull colors you chose for their tack, but I won't have them eaten! It shows an appalling lack of taste which would never have happened if these fine Orlesian creatures had been properly raised.

Perhaps it is not the tack that is the problem? Perhaps it is the color of the griffons themselves. The horrible grays, and duns - the griffons are surely desperate. I would be. Can you dye the feathers, do you think?

—I was going to say, [ Jehan continues, ] I think we are owed an explanation, as academics, for this reemergence of an extinct species. As well as a new ham. If we are given these things then perhaps we can offer ribbons and dye.

And if we offer these griffons ribbons, and dye, and perhaps the smallest piece of our ham - I will take the cut, my friends - perhaps then the griffons will find themselves more kindly disposed to us. And by us I mean me. [If Val sounds a little sulky, that’s because he is.] What an unkindness. I will stoop to bribery if I must, griffons.

Comments

[chainlightning]

They also like to try and bite fingers.

[ helping!!! ]

Maybe they're testing you.

[degenere]

Testing me for what, please?

[Me and not us. This is personal. He must pass a griffon test.]

[pinprick]

[This is a Warden problem. Therefore, his problem.

A sigh.]

I'll buy you a new ham.

[unbrokenoath]

I'm pretty sure a griffin stole my ham, too. And some mashed potatoes, with garlic and butter. And maybe a dinner roll? Oh! And cake.

[ This is her trustworthy voice. Would she lie about ham???

(yes.) ]

[apologist]

Merci. It was an Arlesans pig, I believe.

[ Do not actually buy them an Arlesans pig. It is probably expensive. ]

[justice_is_blond]

Love, do you think they bought the ham, or that it came from Inquisition supplies and can get another?

[mythalenaste]

[RIP, ham. Pel can imagine the smell of it as it cooked--hope, was it? Now it's gone.]

What a waste.

[degenere]

A most tragic waste, to be sure. I am glad, mademoiselle, that you appreciate the loss. I fear others may not feel so keenly for our plight.

Or my plight.

[alankazam]

How did it get a ham off you? Do you often walk about with ham?

[ Inquiring minds, etc. ]

[apologist]

I would not say often, no. No more than once a month.

[circleprodigy]

I grieve for the loss of your ham, truly.

[One can practically hear the eyeroll.]

That said, the griffons belong to the Grey Wardens, not Orlais. Do keep that in mind, for I'm not interested in seeing my mount's color changed in any way...and I suspect she will agree. If you wish to learn that the hard way, I will not be held responsible for what happens.

[They can learn the joys of a griffon who doesn't realize she's far too heavy to sit on laps.]

[apologist]

We would not be so foolish as to dye the beasts by hand. We would dye water and encourage them to bathe in it. Surely they bathe.

[degenere]

Incidentally, and of little related thought: what is your favorite color?

[blessedmaiden]

You have to admit a green griffon would actually look cute...

[arlathvhen]

And some people were complaining about the halla.

[ If nothing else, no one can accuse halla of ham theft. ]

[apologist]

I would be careful of your halla, mademoiselle. These griffons are larger each time I see them. Who knows that they may eat next.

[blessedmaiden]

Woah... woah, calm down. [Someone literally only listened to the first sentences because it immediately became personal] When you think nobility, power and grace dragons are the only creatures that should come to your mind.

I mean, Griffons are cool and everything but my father is a dragon and I can assure you he's a great king, a loving figure and a fierce fighter, comparing dragons to griffons is like comparing a chicken to a chocobo and, ma'am, it's rather offensive. I'm perfectly aware dragons in this world are hardly the noble creatures I'm used to, even if I- [and there she pauses, realizing the others went on talking...]

...

What were you saying about hams?

[degenere]

Your pardon, mademoiselle. When you say your father is a dragon...

[And there Val trails off. Because, what.]

[not_the_question]

Seriously? Griffons are the most amazing creatures I've ever come across and you're complaining about things they're doing because they're young?

[He's got a good mind to protect the Griffons from such people.]

I think the three of you need to relax and think about what you're saying. They're sensitive creatures. You might just ruin things for everyone else.

[degenere]

Monsieur. We are not complaining of the griffons, but we are complaining of the way that the griffons are being portrayed.

I ask you, when you think of a griffon, what is the color that comes to mind?

[bouclier]

If you really cannot suppress the desire to put ribbons and dyes on a creature larger than yourselves and continue to find the griffons non-compliant, I am sure Calixte would appreciate your attention. He likes having his mane braided, though as he is black the dyes may not be appropriate.

[degenere]

You know, stripping the color from a mane is not so difficult.

[Just saying.]

[ichaer]

Sadly, I think our little white monster would make off with both your ribbons and the dyes before you could ever get near the others.

[ a fond little sigh. ] She rather loves new things, especially colorful things, to tuck away in her nest.

[degenere]

[Take no offense at Val's scoff. It is a scoff of jealous incredulity.]

Ours, you say. The Inquisition's, yes?

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Oh dear ...

[A faint sigh, and then a friendly.]

Well, at least it wasn't your dog? I mean, at least the ham is meant for eating? Hams and ribbons are replaceable, so we are getting somewhere with their training.

As for their color - ah - I wouldn't ... try it. Please? For your own safety?

[degenere]

Please. We are not concerned with our safety, mademoiselle. Never have been, are not likely to be in the future. Though it is kind of you to think of it for us. No, we are concerned with the griffons, and with what might be done for them. What distempers them so? Is it the colors?

[justice_is_blond]

Why not think that perhaps you've begun the bribery? Treat this as the first steps toward friendliness with such noble creatures. Worthy sacrifices.

...but perhaps don't include dye.

[degenere]

In order to make a proper bribe, one must first be aware that one is making the bribe. Or else it is thievery and not a bribe at all. Believe me, my friend, we have made a good many bribes in our time. We know the style.

Truly, I think it is the color that is the trouble.

[in_death_sacrifice]

It would be unwise to dye the griffons' feathers. I doubt they'd like it, for one thing. For another, they look just fine as they are. They would look very ridiculous in different colors.

They're still young, and learning. In time, they'll be much better disciplined, I'm sure of it. Besides, you should be glad it was only a ham and some hair ribbons they took and not something actually irreplaceable... You can always get more ham.

[degenere]

Very good, my friend. We accept, graciously, your offer of ham. Will you need directions to our quarters, or is it better that we find you to receive it?

[thehiddenking]

I disagree. I think of Eagles.

[apologist]

You disagree... with which part?