therookery | Griffon gripes

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Freddie, Val, and Jehan (your favorites!)
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: A Griffon Grievance
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Can we say a group of griffons is called a grievance? A grievance of griffons?

Inquisition.

[This is Val. Don’t stop listening, his tone is grave and serious, which means what follows will be equally grave and serious.]

When one thinks of the noblest of creatures, beasts of the air, one must first and always think of griffons. The dragon, she has a certain unspeakable loveliness, a loveliness of her form, in all her savage glory, but if the word to meditate upon is nobility, then it is the griffon that comes first to mind. On this, we can all agree, yes?

So, then, tell to me: why complain about the smell? [ Because it is terrible! another accented voice says in the background, muffled. ] Yes, it is a pungent aroma. But nobly so. Less noble and far more worthy of complaint is the habit of the griffon of which books do not speak of: the habit of airborne thievery.

A whole ham, Inquisition.

[ Jeannot—who had his despondent face buried in a pillow, before this point—lifts his head to chime in. ]

A good ham. It tasted of hope. Or I imagine that it must have, before it was swallowed whole by a beast who did not even pause to appreciate it.

We ought to have been warned. And another thing—

And another thing! [ It's Freddie now, talking over Jehan, feel free to begin paying attention again. She sounds incensed, but also like she's probably putting it on a bit. ] Hair ribbons! If the beasts want my last good set of silk hair ribbons I would be more than happy to donate them to the cause of brightening up the horribly dull colors you chose for their tack, but I won't have them eaten! It shows an appalling lack of taste which would never have happened if these fine Orlesian creatures had been properly raised.

Perhaps it is not the tack that is the problem? Perhaps it is the color of the griffons themselves. The horrible grays, and duns - the griffons are surely desperate. I would be. Can you dye the feathers, do you think?

—I was going to say, [ Jehan continues, ] I think we are owed an explanation, as academics, for this reemergence of an extinct species. As well as a new ham. If we are given these things then perhaps we can offer ribbons and dye.

And if we offer these griffons ribbons, and dye, and perhaps the smallest piece of our ham - I will take the cut, my friends - perhaps then the griffons will find themselves more kindly disposed to us. And by us I mean me. [If Val sounds a little sulky, that’s because he is.] What an unkindness. I will stoop to bribery if I must, griffons.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

How did it get a ham off you? Do you often walk about with ham?

[ Inquiring minds, etc. ]

I would not say often, no. No more than once a month.

Any specific time of the month? Any certain location?

[ Surely this is subtle. ]

Alan, you aren't a griffon. Leave people's ham alone.

Hope shared is hope gained, Beleth.

Edited 2017-02-23 21:07 (UTC)

Ham isn't hope, it's just ham.

Now you're impugning, [ He pronounces that like I'm-pug-ning. ] The character of their ham.

I'm impugning [ She says it a little slower and clearer than her usual speech--not trying to mock him, just gently correct without making a Deal about it, ] on the character of ham as a whole, not any individual ham.

[ Impaling a ham. Got it. ]

What did a ham ever do to you?

I am sure, my friend, that you do not want to know the answer to that.

The Chant tells us a learned child is a blessing. I don't think her the sort to withhold blessings.

Our aspiring ham thief has a point.

You're saying that because he quoted the Chant.

The Chant says that a learned child is a blessing to their parent, no? I am not Alan's mother.

[ She's (grudgingly) picked up a thing or two from all the Chantry people repeating the same lines over and over and over. ]

Then you are merely a bystander? And a protector of hams?

A bystander who would not like to see this man's mother blessed by his learning, merely because she is not his mother herself. How terribly selfish. I would not trust her with a ham.

You know what? He can take your ham.

(no subject)

apologist - 2017-02-24 20:21 (UTC) - Expand

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degenere - 2017-03-01 04:54 (UTC) - Expand

Very pious. But on this topic, we can only speculate. What does the Chant tell us of the gossiping child?

You'd have to ask they who spread the word they'd heard from Andraste, who heard it from the Maker.

[ don't knock gossip it's practically holy ]

They are all a bit dead, I think.

They are eternal. As are we all, even when devoured by griffons.

Perhaps. But not very talkative. At least, not in any way that I am able to understand.

You've troubled to learn Common. Is it worth less, to strive and understand the words of the Maker?

degenere - 2017-02-25 21:37 (UTC) - Expand

alankazam - 2017-02-25 22:10 (UTC) - Expand

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degenere - 2017-03-01 04:49 (UTC) - Expand

If I did not know better, monsieur I would think you were planning to make like a griffon and steal his ham.

I thought there wasn't anything Orlais didn't know best.

[ deadpan ]

I'm studied in the habits of flying creatures. Suppose I could suggest a griffin-free route for those with hams — or hair ribbons — to frequent?