Griffon gripes

[aventuriere]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Freddie, Val, and Jehan (your favorites!)
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: A Griffon Grievance
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Can we say a group of griffons is called a grievance? A grievance of griffons?

Inquisition.

[This is Val. Don’t stop listening, his tone is grave and serious, which means what follows will be equally grave and serious.]

When one thinks of the noblest of creatures, beasts of the air, one must first and always think of griffons. The dragon, she has a certain unspeakable loveliness, a loveliness of her form, in all her savage glory, but if the word to meditate upon is nobility, then it is the griffon that comes first to mind. On this, we can all agree, yes?

So, then, tell to me: why complain about the smell? [ Because it is terrible! another accented voice says in the background, muffled. ] Yes, it is a pungent aroma. But nobly so. Less noble and far more worthy of complaint is the habit of the griffon of which books do not speak of: the habit of airborne thievery.

A whole ham, Inquisition.

[ Jeannot—who had his despondent face buried in a pillow, before this point—lifts his head to chime in. ]

A good ham. It tasted of hope. Or I imagine that it must have, before it was swallowed whole by a beast who did not even pause to appreciate it.

We ought to have been warned. And another thing—

And another thing! [ It's Freddie now, talking over Jehan, feel free to begin paying attention again. She sounds incensed, but also like she's probably putting it on a bit. ] Hair ribbons! If the beasts want my last good set of silk hair ribbons I would be more than happy to donate them to the cause of brightening up the horribly dull colors you chose for their tack, but I won't have them eaten! It shows an appalling lack of taste which would never have happened if these fine Orlesian creatures had been properly raised.

Perhaps it is not the tack that is the problem? Perhaps it is the color of the griffons themselves. The horrible grays, and duns - the griffons are surely desperate. I would be. Can you dye the feathers, do you think?

—I was going to say, [ Jehan continues, ] I think we are owed an explanation, as academics, for this reemergence of an extinct species. As well as a new ham. If we are given these things then perhaps we can offer ribbons and dye.

And if we offer these griffons ribbons, and dye, and perhaps the smallest piece of our ham - I will take the cut, my friends - perhaps then the griffons will find themselves more kindly disposed to us. And by us I mean me. [If Val sounds a little sulky, that’s because he is.] What an unkindness. I will stoop to bribery if I must, griffons.

Comments

[chainlightning]

They also like to try and bite fingers.

[ helping!!! ]

Maybe they're testing you.

[pinprick]

[This is a Warden problem. Therefore, his problem.

A sigh.]

I'll buy you a new ham.

[mythalenaste]

[RIP, ham. Pel can imagine the smell of it as it cooked--hope, was it? Now it's gone.]

What a waste.

[alankazam]

How did it get a ham off you? Do you often walk about with ham?

[ Inquiring minds, etc. ]

[circleprodigy]

I grieve for the loss of your ham, truly.

[One can practically hear the eyeroll.]

That said, the griffons belong to the Grey Wardens, not Orlais. Do keep that in mind, for I'm not interested in seeing my mount's color changed in any way...and I suspect she will agree. If you wish to learn that the hard way, I will not be held responsible for what happens.

[They can learn the joys of a griffon who doesn't realize she's far too heavy to sit on laps.]

[arlathvhen]

And some people were complaining about the halla.

[ If nothing else, no one can accuse halla of ham theft. ]

[blessedmaiden]

Woah... woah, calm down. [Someone literally only listened to the first sentences because it immediately became personal] When you think nobility, power and grace dragons are the only creatures that should come to your mind.

I mean, Griffons are cool and everything but my father is a dragon and I can assure you he's a great king, a loving figure and a fierce fighter, comparing dragons to griffons is like comparing a chicken to a chocobo and, ma'am, it's rather offensive. I'm perfectly aware dragons in this world are hardly the noble creatures I'm used to, even if I- [and there she pauses, realizing the others went on talking...]

...

What were you saying about hams?

[not_the_question]

Seriously? Griffons are the most amazing creatures I've ever come across and you're complaining about things they're doing because they're young?

[He's got a good mind to protect the Griffons from such people.]

I think the three of you need to relax and think about what you're saying. They're sensitive creatures. You might just ruin things for everyone else.

[bouclier]

If you really cannot suppress the desire to put ribbons and dyes on a creature larger than yourselves and continue to find the griffons non-compliant, I am sure Calixte would appreciate your attention. He likes having his mane braided, though as he is black the dyes may not be appropriate.

[ichaer]

Sadly, I think our little white monster would make off with both your ribbons and the dyes before you could ever get near the others.

[ a fond little sigh. ] She rather loves new things, especially colorful things, to tuck away in her nest.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Oh dear ...

[A faint sigh, and then a friendly.]

Well, at least it wasn't your dog? I mean, at least the ham is meant for eating? Hams and ribbons are replaceable, so we are getting somewhere with their training.

As for their color - ah - I wouldn't ... try it. Please? For your own safety?

[justice_is_blond]

Why not think that perhaps you've begun the bribery? Treat this as the first steps toward friendliness with such noble creatures. Worthy sacrifices.

...but perhaps don't include dye.

[in_death_sacrifice]

It would be unwise to dye the griffons' feathers. I doubt they'd like it, for one thing. For another, they look just fine as they are. They would look very ridiculous in different colors.

They're still young, and learning. In time, they'll be much better disciplined, I'm sure of it. Besides, you should be glad it was only a ham and some hair ribbons they took and not something actually irreplaceable... You can always get more ham.

[thehiddenking]

I disagree. I think of Eagles.