Griffon gripes

[aventuriere]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Freddie, Val, and Jehan (your favorites!)
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: A Griffon Grievance
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Can we say a group of griffons is called a grievance? A grievance of griffons?

Inquisition.

[This is Val. Don’t stop listening, his tone is grave and serious, which means what follows will be equally grave and serious.]

When one thinks of the noblest of creatures, beasts of the air, one must first and always think of griffons. The dragon, she has a certain unspeakable loveliness, a loveliness of her form, in all her savage glory, but if the word to meditate upon is nobility, then it is the griffon that comes first to mind. On this, we can all agree, yes?

So, then, tell to me: why complain about the smell? [ Because it is terrible! another accented voice says in the background, muffled. ] Yes, it is a pungent aroma. But nobly so. Less noble and far more worthy of complaint is the habit of the griffon of which books do not speak of: the habit of airborne thievery.

A whole ham, Inquisition.

[ Jeannot—who had his despondent face buried in a pillow, before this point—lifts his head to chime in. ]

A good ham. It tasted of hope. Or I imagine that it must have, before it was swallowed whole by a beast who did not even pause to appreciate it.

We ought to have been warned. And another thing—

And another thing! [ It's Freddie now, talking over Jehan, feel free to begin paying attention again. She sounds incensed, but also like she's probably putting it on a bit. ] Hair ribbons! If the beasts want my last good set of silk hair ribbons I would be more than happy to donate them to the cause of brightening up the horribly dull colors you chose for their tack, but I won't have them eaten! It shows an appalling lack of taste which would never have happened if these fine Orlesian creatures had been properly raised.

Perhaps it is not the tack that is the problem? Perhaps it is the color of the griffons themselves. The horrible grays, and duns - the griffons are surely desperate. I would be. Can you dye the feathers, do you think?

—I was going to say, [ Jehan continues, ] I think we are owed an explanation, as academics, for this reemergence of an extinct species. As well as a new ham. If we are given these things then perhaps we can offer ribbons and dye.

And if we offer these griffons ribbons, and dye, and perhaps the smallest piece of our ham - I will take the cut, my friends - perhaps then the griffons will find themselves more kindly disposed to us. And by us I mean me. [If Val sounds a little sulky, that’s because he is.] What an unkindness. I will stoop to bribery if I must, griffons.

Comments

[not_the_question]

Why were you carrying a partly eaten ham across the courtyard?

[After all it tasted of hope. Clearly part of it had been eaten.]

[degenere]

To continue eating it elsewhere. Why else?

[not_the_question]

But, it had to have been a large sized ham. So I'm still confused about why.

[degenere]

I am confused as to why you are confused. It was a large ham. It was partly eaten. To abandon such succulent leftovers would be foolish. So it was carried to a place where the rest of it could be eaten.

It is very simple, and not altogether uncommon. You would treat any ham the same, I would hope.

[not_the_question]

Well, not if I were worried about wild animals about, I wouldn't.

[degenere]

And so each time I walk, I should think to myself: what do I have to lose, if there is a wild animal that might take it from me?

[not_the_question]

Don't be ridiculous. Not just wild animals. There are all kinds of bad sorts out there. Robbers, for instance.

[degenere]

Robbers, in Skyhold. Are we not all members and associates of this Inquisition? What's more, I could fend off a robber.

[not_the_question]

Petty theft exists everywhere.

[degenere]

And your solution is to go nowhere at all? Or simply to swallow our displeasure if we are assaulted by robbers and wild creatures while on our way from one room to another?

If a griffon stole my ham from my rooms, would I be more allowed to feel troubled, or less?

[not_the_question]

I never said any of that. All I am saying is that when there are younglings around, their species doesn't matter and you should take the same precautions you would take to protect your items from any younglings.

[degenere]

You are maddening. Should I always be prepared to be thieved for food, by any younglings that might be hanging about? I will never eat again. I will certainly never walk anywhere with food in my hand. And when they ask, why I am starving, I will tell them that the learned Rifter instructed me to beware.

[not_the_question]

I never said any of that. You're the one complaining about having things stolen. I'm saying be careful.

[degenere]

No, it's too late for me, O learned Rifter. You have condemned me to a wasting death. Think of me, whenever you do not carry food around in your hands. Think of me whenever younglings beset you. Only I suppose they would not, as you are cleverer, and never open to vicious baby attacks.

[not_the_question]

And people call over-dramatic. That said, I speak baby, so 'vicious' attacks don't usually come from them.

[The parents, on the other hand...]

[degenere]

Really.

[Suddenly in a tone much less full of suffering.]

Speak it.

[not_the_question]

What, 'baby'? Why? You wouldn't understand it.