Griffon gripes

[aventuriere]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Freddie, Val, and Jehan (your favorites!)
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: A Griffon Grievance
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Can we say a group of griffons is called a grievance? A grievance of griffons?

Inquisition.

[This is Val. Don’t stop listening, his tone is grave and serious, which means what follows will be equally grave and serious.]

When one thinks of the noblest of creatures, beasts of the air, one must first and always think of griffons. The dragon, she has a certain unspeakable loveliness, a loveliness of her form, in all her savage glory, but if the word to meditate upon is nobility, then it is the griffon that comes first to mind. On this, we can all agree, yes?

So, then, tell to me: why complain about the smell? [ Because it is terrible! another accented voice says in the background, muffled. ] Yes, it is a pungent aroma. But nobly so. Less noble and far more worthy of complaint is the habit of the griffon of which books do not speak of: the habit of airborne thievery.

A whole ham, Inquisition.

[ Jeannot—who had his despondent face buried in a pillow, before this point—lifts his head to chime in. ]

A good ham. It tasted of hope. Or I imagine that it must have, before it was swallowed whole by a beast who did not even pause to appreciate it.

We ought to have been warned. And another thing—

And another thing! [ It's Freddie now, talking over Jehan, feel free to begin paying attention again. She sounds incensed, but also like she's probably putting it on a bit. ] Hair ribbons! If the beasts want my last good set of silk hair ribbons I would be more than happy to donate them to the cause of brightening up the horribly dull colors you chose for their tack, but I won't have them eaten! It shows an appalling lack of taste which would never have happened if these fine Orlesian creatures had been properly raised.

Perhaps it is not the tack that is the problem? Perhaps it is the color of the griffons themselves. The horrible grays, and duns - the griffons are surely desperate. I would be. Can you dye the feathers, do you think?

—I was going to say, [ Jehan continues, ] I think we are owed an explanation, as academics, for this reemergence of an extinct species. As well as a new ham. If we are given these things then perhaps we can offer ribbons and dye.

And if we offer these griffons ribbons, and dye, and perhaps the smallest piece of our ham - I will take the cut, my friends - perhaps then the griffons will find themselves more kindly disposed to us. And by us I mean me. [If Val sounds a little sulky, that’s because he is.] What an unkindness. I will stoop to bribery if I must, griffons.

Comments

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Oh dear ...

[A faint sigh, and then a friendly.]

Well, at least it wasn't your dog? I mean, at least the ham is meant for eating? Hams and ribbons are replaceable, so we are getting somewhere with their training.

As for their color - ah - I wouldn't ... try it. Please? For your own safety?

[degenere]

Please. We are not concerned with our safety, mademoiselle. Never have been, are not likely to be in the future. Though it is kind of you to think of it for us. No, we are concerned with the griffons, and with what might be done for them. What distempers them so? Is it the colors?

[sunshinethroughgrey]

I see ... well, you might, ah, want to consider being more cautious? Griffons are extremely territorial and if they think that you are going to try to attack them -- they will defend themselves. Heartily.

[degenere]

So they stole our ham because we were... trespassing. It was a toll?

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Sort of? Griffons will steal prey from other creatures on what they consider their own turf, at least anything weaker than them.

[degenere]

[Impatiently:]

Yes, I know that. Thank you. I have made great study of the griffon, in texts most obscure and ancient. And found only at the great library at the University, I will say. Known to no other.

How is it that you know of these things?

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Oh have you? So have I! Oh, I would love to get my hands on some of those texts ... hm?

[Oh so cheerfully.]

Oh, I'm a Grey Warden griffon rider, of course. Newly minted, all that.

[degenere]

[He scoffs, derisively.]

That is not a title.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Well no, it's a job. Which I have. I ride griffons.

[degenere]

[sacré--]

That is not a job!

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Well of course it is. Haven't you heard of Grey Wardens riding griffons?

[degenere]

Obviously yes. But not being paid to do so.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

[Amusement.]

Do you think the Wardens do this all for free? We are paid a living wage - just enough to see us in new equipment and poor wine, but still.

[degenere]

I would not know why Wardens do what they do, mademoiselle. Especially if the money is not very good. I suppose the griffon is meant to make up for the meager wage?

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Oh yes. And it's quite the nice bonus, if I say so myself.

[degenere]

[Here Val mutters a handful of disgusted swearwords in Orlesian. Not aimed at Bethany, just. General swearwords.]

And is this in addition to the others who claim some affinity with the griffons? I suppose you are given more chances?

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Well yes, I suppose if we're riding them into battle, we'd have to.

[degenere]

[A LOUD DISGUSTED NOISE]

[sunshinethroughgrey]

... all right, I don't know what that was for, but it's completely unnecessary.

[aventuriere]

Cautious, madame? What is this-- "cautious"? Is this a Fereldan word?

[apologist]

It sounds Tevene.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

I have never known a Fereldan to be cautious, honestly.

Tevenes, probably.

But it means you shouldn't try to tie anything to a winged, clawed creature that doesn't like to be touched by someone he or she doesn't trust.

That's what we like to call 'common sense'.