Griffon gripes

[aventuriere]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Freddie, Val, and Jehan (your favorites!)
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: A Griffon Grievance
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Can we say a group of griffons is called a grievance? A grievance of griffons?

Inquisition.

[This is Val. Don’t stop listening, his tone is grave and serious, which means what follows will be equally grave and serious.]

When one thinks of the noblest of creatures, beasts of the air, one must first and always think of griffons. The dragon, she has a certain unspeakable loveliness, a loveliness of her form, in all her savage glory, but if the word to meditate upon is nobility, then it is the griffon that comes first to mind. On this, we can all agree, yes?

So, then, tell to me: why complain about the smell? [ Because it is terrible! another accented voice says in the background, muffled. ] Yes, it is a pungent aroma. But nobly so. Less noble and far more worthy of complaint is the habit of the griffon of which books do not speak of: the habit of airborne thievery.

A whole ham, Inquisition.

[ Jeannot—who had his despondent face buried in a pillow, before this point—lifts his head to chime in. ]

A good ham. It tasted of hope. Or I imagine that it must have, before it was swallowed whole by a beast who did not even pause to appreciate it.

We ought to have been warned. And another thing—

And another thing! [ It's Freddie now, talking over Jehan, feel free to begin paying attention again. She sounds incensed, but also like she's probably putting it on a bit. ] Hair ribbons! If the beasts want my last good set of silk hair ribbons I would be more than happy to donate them to the cause of brightening up the horribly dull colors you chose for their tack, but I won't have them eaten! It shows an appalling lack of taste which would never have happened if these fine Orlesian creatures had been properly raised.

Perhaps it is not the tack that is the problem? Perhaps it is the color of the griffons themselves. The horrible grays, and duns - the griffons are surely desperate. I would be. Can you dye the feathers, do you think?

—I was going to say, [ Jehan continues, ] I think we are owed an explanation, as academics, for this reemergence of an extinct species. As well as a new ham. If we are given these things then perhaps we can offer ribbons and dye.

And if we offer these griffons ribbons, and dye, and perhaps the smallest piece of our ham - I will take the cut, my friends - perhaps then the griffons will find themselves more kindly disposed to us. And by us I mean me. [If Val sounds a little sulky, that’s because he is.] What an unkindness. I will stoop to bribery if I must, griffons.

Comments

[in_death_sacrifice]

If it's easiest for me to bring it by, I don't m- Wait, when did I offer to bring you ham?

[Almost got him there, he has to admit. Not that it would be a big deal, it's probably a good cause if it keeps the griffons off the hook.]

[degenere]

We can always get more ham, you say. And so we shall. Tomorrow, perhaps? Tomorrow will work quite well for me. We must take care to avoid griffon territories. I suggest the eastern stairwell beside the larder.


[so smooth! so assumptive!]

[in_death_sacrifice]

You're really trying hard, aren't you? I'm almost tempted to give you what you wish just to acknowledge your efforts. Look, I'll give you the ham, but... do you promise not to dye the griffons' feathers?

[degenere]

An interesting suggestion. Tell me, why should I make such a promise to you? As trades go, I do not see what you get out of it.

[in_death_sacrifice]

The griffons get to keep their dignity, which is very important to me, as Grey Warden. I'd consider it a fair trade.

[And he can definitely afford to get a little extra ham.]

[degenere]

So dignity does have a price. And that price is ham. How interesting.

Tell me, do you think that you are paid very well to care about the griffon's dignity, or only a little well?

[in_death_sacrifice]

It's not about the money. I care about the griffons, and I've grown very fond of a certain one in particular. As a Warden, I feel... very protective of them overall.

[degenere]

So you aren't paid to ride the griffons. How interesting. Which is the one you are fondest of?

[in_death_sacrifice]

We bond with the griffons, we choose them as they choose us. And I'm not sure I should answer that. I don't want to find my favored griffons targeted by colorful dye, after all.

[degenere]

You mistake me, Monsieur Griffon-Favored. You are supplying me with a ham. Why would I target your special griffon companion, with my dye? And who is to say that I will be dying them at all, really. Your suspicious nature wounds me.

[in_death_sacrifice]

Right, and we do have a deal... I guess you could say I've become a little bit overprotective, since I've started bonding with Potato.

[degenere]

[Potato. Or as Val is mentally calling the griffon, First to be Green.]

Understandable, my friend. But I beg you: think the best of me first.

[in_death_sacrifice]

[Ahahahaha oh he will be so unamused.]

I can't say that's my preferred way to deal with anyone I've just met. But I'll try to think better of fellow Inquisition members.