Griffon gripes

[aventuriere]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Freddie, Val, and Jehan (your favorites!)
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: A Griffon Grievance
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Can we say a group of griffons is called a grievance? A grievance of griffons?

Inquisition.

[This is Val. Don’t stop listening, his tone is grave and serious, which means what follows will be equally grave and serious.]

When one thinks of the noblest of creatures, beasts of the air, one must first and always think of griffons. The dragon, she has a certain unspeakable loveliness, a loveliness of her form, in all her savage glory, but if the word to meditate upon is nobility, then it is the griffon that comes first to mind. On this, we can all agree, yes?

So, then, tell to me: why complain about the smell? [ Because it is terrible! another accented voice says in the background, muffled. ] Yes, it is a pungent aroma. But nobly so. Less noble and far more worthy of complaint is the habit of the griffon of which books do not speak of: the habit of airborne thievery.

A whole ham, Inquisition.

[ Jeannot—who had his despondent face buried in a pillow, before this point—lifts his head to chime in. ]

A good ham. It tasted of hope. Or I imagine that it must have, before it was swallowed whole by a beast who did not even pause to appreciate it.

We ought to have been warned. And another thing—

And another thing! [ It's Freddie now, talking over Jehan, feel free to begin paying attention again. She sounds incensed, but also like she's probably putting it on a bit. ] Hair ribbons! If the beasts want my last good set of silk hair ribbons I would be more than happy to donate them to the cause of brightening up the horribly dull colors you chose for their tack, but I won't have them eaten! It shows an appalling lack of taste which would never have happened if these fine Orlesian creatures had been properly raised.

Perhaps it is not the tack that is the problem? Perhaps it is the color of the griffons themselves. The horrible grays, and duns - the griffons are surely desperate. I would be. Can you dye the feathers, do you think?

—I was going to say, [ Jehan continues, ] I think we are owed an explanation, as academics, for this reemergence of an extinct species. As well as a new ham. If we are given these things then perhaps we can offer ribbons and dye.

And if we offer these griffons ribbons, and dye, and perhaps the smallest piece of our ham - I will take the cut, my friends - perhaps then the griffons will find themselves more kindly disposed to us. And by us I mean me. [If Val sounds a little sulky, that’s because he is.] What an unkindness. I will stoop to bribery if I must, griffons.

Comments

[degenere]

We will think no more of the ham once it has been refunded to us, mademoiselle. Fear not for its fate, or for ours.

As to your halla, perhaps if they were not being kept so very domestically, then we would never need worry over them in the first place, yes? But as there are some among the Inquisition that are determined that such creatures must be kept, based on outmoded ideas, and understandings--we must do what we can to protect them, yet not allow ourselves to fall prey to sentimentality.

I suggest the lattice roof, to obscure them. This would be fair chance, yes?

[arlathvhen]

[ Maybe she'll let Alan steal your ham after all. ]

Your kind-hearted but ill-informed protests were heard the first time and given every ounce of regard that they deserved. [ Guess how much that is. ]

...A lattice roof would be nice. And pretty, I think. Roses are so picky about growing, though. Holly is thorny enough, and hardy enough for the weather...?

[degenere]

[how very dare]

I think they were not, as the halla are still among us. But I, too, would prefer to speak of the roof of this lattice. If we were only in a warmer climate, I would suggest a plant I have seen grown in great thicknesses--and so quickly. Alas, it is too cold. Holly, if it could be coaxed to grow, would suit this lattice well, and would perhaps discourage any of the griffons from alighting there. Truly a sanctuary for the poorer beasts beneath.

[arlathvhen]

[ A thought occurs. ]

Have you ever actually met the Halla? In person?

[degenere]

[Val, for his part, takes a moment of wary pause.]

From a distance, of course. Were we not all warned to keep well clear?

[apologist]

[ A switch entirely to Orlesian, which I am too lazy to translate: ] You might put on false ears and make an attempt.

[arlathvhen]

[ She's going to let Alan eat your ham and the halla eat your friend. ]

[degenere]

[ALSO Orlesian we are all lazy]

And how would I look in false ears? Beastly.

[apologist]

[ Soooo laaaaazy. ]

Adorable.

[degenere]

Naturally.

Beastly and adorable. We will say both. And perhaps the halla would love me better. They are, apparently, so very dangerous.

[apologist]

Ah, yes—a deer would be nothing to fear, but these halla? They are white.

[degenere]

Purity does terrify me.

[arlathvhen]

You were warned to keep your distance, unless accompanied by a Dalish.

[ She lets him muse on that for a few seconds. ]

Would you like to meet them?

[degenere]

The Dalish?

No, mademoiselle. I would not. But you are certainly bold to make the offer.

[arlathvhen]

[ Briefly, Beleth ponders shemicide. ]

I was offering to introduce you to the halla, but if you don't wish to meet me, I will respect your desires and not press the issue.

[degenere]

A joke! This was a joke, and one by which I hope you were not much offended. Is your kind possessed of a hearty humor? I will confess, I do not know.

In order to meet this halla, I accept your offer.

[arlathvhen]

I've never told a joke in my entire life.

[ That's a joke, right there (OR IS IT???) ]

I'm glad to hear that you're willing to meet them. Let me know when would be a convenient time for you, and I can meet you by the padlock.

[degenere]

Shall we say tomorrow? In the late hours, I think, but before it grows very dark. And I will apologize to you face to face, for confusing you with humor. Truly, my apologies.

[Poor elves! No humor. Sad.]