[ OPEN ] Inquisition's Hot or Hot DAMN

[ombranera]

FORM:Sending Crystal / Posted copy to the bulletin board
SENDER: Zevran Arainai
RECIPIENT: All
WHAT: The Inquisition is full of stupidly pretty people. This bears discussing.
WHEN: Current
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Respectful oogling, language, and adult content.

I think the time has come to ask a very serious question of the Inquisition. Is it just me or is Skyhold full to bursting with ridiculously sexy individuals? We have statuesque Qunari, lithe Dalish, voluptuous Dwarves, Humans in every glorious shade, size, and shape- and every last one of them incredibly attractive. I had thought to myself- 'Zevran, the Inquisition must be turning away those with less than appealing faces' but no. Handsome men and gorgeous women all. I have tried to list out names and rate them but, alas, there are too many even for I to form an opinion.

Too many gorgeous people. Is that not a marvelous problem to have?

And so I turn to you, my fellow members of the Inquisition. I ask for your aid because I simply cannot keep up with all the lovely people on my own. From a scale of "I would have them tomorrow" to "I would have them right now", how would you rate the beautiful people of Skyhold?

In the interest of fairness- if you name a name? You must list what of them you find terribly attractive- what of them drives you to the point of distraction. I shall go first!

Dorian Pavus - If there is anyone here that might, and I do mean might possibly be prettier than me? It is Dorian. Have you seen him? How can anyone look upon that man and not be at least a little enchanted, if not enthralled? Those smoldering eyes, that sultry voice, the teasing mustache; he I would have right now should he wish.

Merrill - What can I say? She is an utter delight in every possible way- fine boned and sweet, under that innocent smile I promise there is a terribly naughty mind just waiting to be unleashed. Her as well I would have in a heartbeat were I not afraid for my life due to the protective nature of some of her friends.

Knight-Captain Maria - The allure of a dutiful woman is beyond measuring. Her skill in battle, that wry humor, her devotion- I am certain under that templar armor there is a body that would bring many a man and woman to their knees in worship. She? I would have in an hour as I am certain it would take that long to get her out of the armor.

Taashath - I would climb the man like a tree- I have climbed the man like a tree. Those broad shoulders, that rack, his voice, the way his muscles ripple- Maker just recounting the things of him that I find alluring has me a little distracted, I apologize. Reshaping the friendly shores indeed. There is a delightful danger to him- and as such I would have him within an hour, for being made ready takes about that long.

Comments

[foxsays]

Korrin goes without saying; it's such a terrible cliche to fall for my rescuer but that sense of humour, her laugh, her convictions, and well I'm the one that gets to share a bed with her after all. Believe me, she looked even better out of what she wore to the soiree.

Ellana Ashara could charm the birds out of the trees, I think, if she cared to, with a face and voice like hers.

I feel I shouldn't even say this because I will have to chase anyone who tries but if you ever compliment Sina she turns the most fetching shade of pink, I've seen it with my own two eyes.

Rafael and Scipio, of course, they remind me so much of boys from home with their antics. And they're the reason my curls are in a fit state to be seen. They're handsome boys, what can I say.

And last, but by no means least, there is of course you, Zevran. I am sure you have aged like the finest of brandies though you do remind me a little more of my father's friends whom I call my uncles but love no less than everyone else in my life.

[ombranera]

The only reason, amico, that I did not list you in the beginning is how you remind me of home- and how I see you and think of family. Not the sort that is bound by blood but by choice and all the more precious for it.

[gatheringstorm]

If you're trying to make me blush and and want to recreate that magical night, you've succeeded, kadan. Maybe I'll stand still for another creation for the sole purpose of you getting me out of it.

[serannas]

Oh, Araceli! You're so sweet. Ma serannas.

And soon I will be able to join the birds in the trees, once I become a shapeshifter.

[ancarrow]

I'm not sure I'm brave enough to give specific names, but it's true there are a remarkable number of handsome people here. I didn't think I could find humans attractive, but now...

[ombranera]

They are so terribly handsome, are they not? And you yourself Bela, are thoroughly gorgeous. I do not know what I find more appealing, the sweetness of your smile or the deftness of your fingers.

[wontforgetyou]

Oh aye? Sounds like you might be finding one or two of us not so bad, then. Names or no names.

[judgemewhole]

As a member of the human males of Skyhold ... thank you kindly.

[wontforgetyou]

Ah, there's a lot of bonny lasses here to be sure. It'd take an awfully long time to go through everyone's name though, wouldn't you say?

[hugeinorlais]

I'm with you on this one, pal.

I mean, I'd like to think I'm good at describing things, but even I'd run out of words before we got through a third of them.

[ombranera]

This is why I am asking for help! The list is too long for me to handle, and a list is being written I assure you.

[mythalenaste]

Aleron.

[A bit of a pause because it almost feels like that could be the entire list.]

Alistair. Taashath. And Martel. ...And Michel.

[Oh wait. She's supposed to say why.]

Aleron is brilliant, handsome, and doesn't leap to conclusions, and I can talk about history with him.

Alistair has a good sense of humor and a really good nose and jaw.

Taas... [you can imagine this pause being taken so she can bite her lip] is a gentle giant.

Martel and Michel are respectful and Michel isn't too lazy to knit his own socks.

[ombranera]

I must meet this Aleron, all the ladies seem to be singing his praises.

You already know I agree with you on Alistair and Taas-


Wait. Michel knits?

[samahl]

You have such good taste in men.

[quietblade]

[Taas can't hear this but he'd be really amused if he could.

Skyhold really has too many pretty people.]

[samahl]

[Oh no, Cyril is going to have to find him and explain all of this okay. You cannot miss out.]

[hlif]

Me. [Asher that's rude but he's away from Skyhold, not completely cut-off from the world.] I fuck like a champion.

Has anyone mentioned Hercules Hansen yet? Because that's a fucking crime if they haven't because he has a jawline we should all aspire to and we should all be grateful he exists to be honest.

If we're really getting into it: Korrin Ataash because we've gone back several years, Christine because for an Orlesian she's not averse to a roll in a tent in a pelt, Kaisa Daesun when she's not being a shit and sometimes when she is. Still seeing if I can find how red Sam blushes so I want to report back first. Don't tell Korrin I said Ellana Ashara she'll actually snap me like a wishbone and she probably could.

Haven't decided how I want Taashath or the Iron Bull to flatten me first - in the ring or in bed, it's a hard choice when you're a Reaver.

[gatheringstorm]

What, nothing about Mal?

[ombranera]

Why not both? At the same time. In the ring and then in bed, all well oiled and flushed from the battle, slick with sweat and....




I may have lost my train of thought, where were we? Also I have been informed that I must try you for myself.

[el_tybs]

Never going to find that out.

[Honestly he doesn't know either. Not like he can see it anyways.]

[hugeinorlais]

Okay, now I'm not the sort of dwarf who kisses and tells, in a manner of speaking, so I wasn't planning on listing out all the lovely aspects of the lovely people around here, but I just can't let this continue without correcting a grave oversight.

[And also harassing/assisting a friend in need.]

People keep waxing on about how attractive all the elves are--and they're right! I mean, have you seen Broody's scowl? It's truly a marvel. Women in Kirkwall used to swoon. Or how about any of the Dalish girls? Gorgeous, every single one.

But come on, people. I know he's been gone a while, and bald doesn't really work for everybody, but have any of you really looked at Chuckles?

Not really my cup of tea, personally, but as a dwarf I spend a lot of time looking at peoples legs. Comes with the height disparity. Underneath all those frumpy sweaters and frayed leggings that guy has some serious thighs.

[Varric is the best wingman. You're welcome Solas.]

[ombranera]

I have seen more than his scowl, my friend.

[ Ah, the marvels of a well muscled form. How difficult it is to ignore them. ]

Wait- the bald elf that hides in the library? The one surrounded by books and murals. THAT one?

[gatheringstorm]

I didn't add any guys to that list, so to even things out:

Asher. If you want a wild hairy Avvar man with a lot of stamina, he's your guy.

Mal. That jaw, that small quirky smile, that ridiculous pet of his. He should be getting a lot more attention than he does. Someone fix this.

Kain. He and Twisted Fate could have a gorgeous hair competition and I'm not sure who would win.

[dragoon_pride]

You... did you have to...

[Excuse him, this sort of thing flusters him mightily.]

[dragoon_pride]

No one.

[A TOTAL LIE, but this is what happens when your unrequited love interest is a whole world away :( Still, may be worth drawing the truth out of him.]

[ombranera]

You find not even a SINGLE member of the Inquisition pretty? Not a one?

[harthad_uluithiad]

[ hey zevran remember this guy

Sam is indignant and stewing, glaring at the crystal with his arms crossed over his chest. He recognizes that voice, and while he's done his best to avoid Zevran ever since he'd found out just what he does for a living, he can't just sit by and say nothing to this. ]

And you'd better be afraid! How dare you talk of her that way! Why you shouldn't be even thinking of her, not in that way nor any other! [ He huffs angrily. ] She's not what you think, and even if she were, why - well it don't matter, because she's not, and if you lay a finger on her -

[ombranera]

Who is it I am talking of that upsets you so?