therookery | [ OPEN ] Inquisition's Hot or Hot DAMN

FORM:Sending Crystal / Posted copy to the bulletin board
SENDER: Zevran Arainai
RECIPIENT: All
WHAT: The Inquisition is full of stupidly pretty people. This bears discussing.
WHEN: Current
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Respectful oogling, language, and adult content.

I think the time has come to ask a very serious question of the Inquisition. Is it just me or is Skyhold full to bursting with ridiculously sexy individuals? We have statuesque Qunari, lithe Dalish, voluptuous Dwarves, Humans in every glorious shade, size, and shape- and every last one of them incredibly attractive. I had thought to myself- 'Zevran, the Inquisition must be turning away those with less than appealing faces' but no. Handsome men and gorgeous women all. I have tried to list out names and rate them but, alas, there are too many even for I to form an opinion.

Too many gorgeous people. Is that not a marvelous problem to have?

And so I turn to you, my fellow members of the Inquisition. I ask for your aid because I simply cannot keep up with all the lovely people on my own. From a scale of "I would have them tomorrow" to "I would have them right now", how would you rate the beautiful people of Skyhold?

In the interest of fairness- if you name a name? You must list what of them you find terribly attractive- what of them drives you to the point of distraction. I shall go first!

Dorian Pavus - If there is anyone here that might, and I do mean might possibly be prettier than me? It is Dorian. Have you seen him? How can anyone look upon that man and not be at least a little enchanted, if not enthralled? Those smoldering eyes, that sultry voice, the teasing mustache; he I would have right now should he wish.

Merrill - What can I say? She is an utter delight in every possible way- fine boned and sweet, under that innocent smile I promise there is a terribly naughty mind just waiting to be unleashed. Her as well I would have in a heartbeat were I not afraid for my life due to the protective nature of some of her friends.

Knight-Captain Maria - The allure of a dutiful woman is beyond measuring. Her skill in battle, that wry humor, her devotion- I am certain under that templar armor there is a body that would bring many a man and woman to their knees in worship. She? I would have in an hour as I am certain it would take that long to get her out of the armor.

Taashath - I would climb the man like a tree- I have climbed the man like a tree. Those broad shoulders, that rack, his voice, the way his muscles ripple- Maker just recounting the things of him that I find alluring has me a little distracted, I apologize. Reshaping the friendly shores indeed. There is a delightful danger to him- and as such I would have him within an hour, for being made ready takes about that long.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What are you going to do? Kick me in the shins? [ Zevran's laughter is bright and helpless- he had assumed that the skittish little dwarf (hobbit) could not possibly be anymore precious.

Oh how wrong he was. ]

Merrill is a delight in so many ways- what would you say were I to tell you I've kissed and shared a bed with her already?

[ Technically sitting in the bed while reading naughty books together but- they shared the bed none the less. ]

[ please don't break his little hobbit brain ]

Wh- wh-

Well I'd call you a liar, that's what!

Miss Merrill is as sweet and kind an elf-maiden as I've ever known, and she'd never - she'd never think of doing such a thing with the likes of you!

I have a feeling if I told you what we really did it would break your little mind.

[ So he'll leave the implication where it is- but little more. ]

I'll not deny that she is terribly sweet and terribly kind, but her mind and choices are her own to make, yes? As are her mistakes.

[ A lack of details is a lack of evidence, and Sam takes it as such, secure in the belief that Zevran is lying about the whole thing. ]

That's as may be, but she don't need you helping her make them!

You just stay away is all!

And what authority is it you claim to order me about?

[ Sam puffs up. ]

I'm her friend!

Marvelous! Something we have in common.

[ Merrill, look, he's being nice! Mostly.

Sort of.

For him, this is nice, see how he's trying? ]

[ Sam scoffs, disbelieving. ]

If you were really her friend you wouldn't have to be afraid of her other friends.

From you? I fear nothing. It is the dwarf with the very large crossbow that gives me pause.

You shouldn't have to be scared of any of us, not if you're really her friend!

Clearly you have never met Varric.

[ Sam only scoffs, disgusted and clearly dismissive. ]

You're not getting it at all.

Is there to be a lesson I am learning in your scorn? Do tell!

Maybe I just will!

[ Sam's cheeks are burning, his fists clenched at his sides. He's never been so mad, not since he came to Thedas. ]

What I mean to say is, she's better'n you, and you know it, else you wouldn't worry so about her real friends protecting her from the likes of you! And we will, the lot of us, so you'd better stay away!

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ombranera - 2016-04-28 00:22 (UTC) - Expand

harthad_uluithiad - 2016-05-01 03:49 (UTC) - Expand

ombranera - 2016-05-01 07:11 (UTC) - Expand

harthad_uluithiad - 2016-05-02 02:03 (UTC) - Expand

ombranera - 2016-05-02 02:13 (UTC) - Expand

Be nice, Zevran.

Although I do see what you mean about the stabbing, now.

This is less 'stabbing' and more 'blubbering at the evil assassin for how we disapprove of his profession'. You would think I was a Tevinter slaver for how he goes on.

Well, yes. I don't think he would actually stab you.

I'll try and talk to him. But it wouldn't hurt to be nice, to make him realize that you aren't a horrible person. Kill with kindness!

[ beat ]

Only don't actually let it end in death.

I have better things to do with my time than attempt to change the mind of someone that makes snap judgement. It is no worse than I have heard in the past.

I know, but- for me?

I am not going to apologize for myself, Merrill. I will not go out of my way to trouble him, but he has come to my door to do so.

Oh, no, I didn't mean that! Just- could you close the door, maybe?

[ yay metaphors ]

I would be more than happy to do so.

Oh, good! Thank you very much, Zevran.

Also, Varric said he would do his best.

[ To not stab you, that is. ]

I suppose I can ask for little more than that. Thank you, Merrill.

You're very welcome!