[ OPEN ] Inquisition's Hot or Hot DAMN

[ombranera]

FORM:Sending Crystal / Posted copy to the bulletin board
SENDER: Zevran Arainai
RECIPIENT: All
WHAT: The Inquisition is full of stupidly pretty people. This bears discussing.
WHEN: Current
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Respectful oogling, language, and adult content.

I think the time has come to ask a very serious question of the Inquisition. Is it just me or is Skyhold full to bursting with ridiculously sexy individuals? We have statuesque Qunari, lithe Dalish, voluptuous Dwarves, Humans in every glorious shade, size, and shape- and every last one of them incredibly attractive. I had thought to myself- 'Zevran, the Inquisition must be turning away those with less than appealing faces' but no. Handsome men and gorgeous women all. I have tried to list out names and rate them but, alas, there are too many even for I to form an opinion.

Too many gorgeous people. Is that not a marvelous problem to have?

And so I turn to you, my fellow members of the Inquisition. I ask for your aid because I simply cannot keep up with all the lovely people on my own. From a scale of "I would have them tomorrow" to "I would have them right now", how would you rate the beautiful people of Skyhold?

In the interest of fairness- if you name a name? You must list what of them you find terribly attractive- what of them drives you to the point of distraction. I shall go first!

Dorian Pavus - If there is anyone here that might, and I do mean might possibly be prettier than me? It is Dorian. Have you seen him? How can anyone look upon that man and not be at least a little enchanted, if not enthralled? Those smoldering eyes, that sultry voice, the teasing mustache; he I would have right now should he wish.

Merrill - What can I say? She is an utter delight in every possible way- fine boned and sweet, under that innocent smile I promise there is a terribly naughty mind just waiting to be unleashed. Her as well I would have in a heartbeat were I not afraid for my life due to the protective nature of some of her friends.

Knight-Captain Maria - The allure of a dutiful woman is beyond measuring. Her skill in battle, that wry humor, her devotion- I am certain under that templar armor there is a body that would bring many a man and woman to their knees in worship. She? I would have in an hour as I am certain it would take that long to get her out of the armor.

Taashath - I would climb the man like a tree- I have climbed the man like a tree. Those broad shoulders, that rack, his voice, the way his muscles ripple- Maker just recounting the things of him that I find alluring has me a little distracted, I apologize. Reshaping the friendly shores indeed. There is a delightful danger to him- and as such I would have him within an hour, for being made ready takes about that long.

Comments

[gatheringstorm]

What, nothing about Mal?

[hlif]

Mal likes to have pretensions of nobility, doesn't need everyone knowing he slummed it in a cave with me a time or two does he? I was trying not to be a complete arse for once Korrin.

[gatheringstorm]

...you can do that?

[She had to, okay.]

And pfft, you can go on about someone without getting into specifics about what happened.

[hlif]

[He's going to groan for ten years. Then cough. Wow did that job go tits up.]

The specifics are very memorable. Besides, you know he doesn't trust me with that stuff as much as you do and he's got a different sort of reputation to maintain, he worries about it much more.

[gatheringstorm]

[She chuckles.]

There's nothing wrong with a night of fun, he needs to get over it. But knowing him, he's probably pretending that he's not listening in on this.

[aintwejust]

You two have any idea how hard it is to pick out one foutu thread a conversation with errybody chatter'n?

[ Seriously, please. ]

And I trust you both plenty.

[gatheringstorm]

Aw, Mal. As much of a softie as ever.

[She blows him a kiss.]

[hlif]

Does that mean my gift from Gwaren is going to be appreciated then? You're still the same size as you were back then right?

[You know exactly what he's picked up for you. You know in your damn bones what he's got Mal.]

[aintwejust]

Depends. Does it come with a pretty floral bonnet?

[hlif]

Does it come with a pretty floral bonnet, do you even need to ask that Malcolm Reynolds, what sort of degenerate do you take me for, of course there's a pretty floral bonnet.

[aintwejust]

Now that is downright genteel. Got my heart all aflutter and whatnot. I might get all swoony.

[hlif]

Don't worry, I'll be there to catch you if you wait for me to heal up first because you're too heavy for me right now in my delicate condition and I don't want to go offending you.

[aintwejust]

...what kinda trouble you get yourself in this time, Asher?

[hlif]

You know how jobs in Gwaren are usually easy, and smuggling jobs in that area tend to be just a bunch of random tossers trying their luck? Kids that don't know better? Well somehow a mage got involved that really wanted their freedom. You see where this is going?

[You see what happens when employers stop giving a shit and just think they can throw mercenaries at a problem because mercenaries aren't real people at the end of the day?]

[aintwejust]

Nowhere good. [ He winces and the grimace is audible. ] How'd the rest of your crew come out of it?

[aintwejust]

You take that back. I got pretenses of decency. We both know nobles ain't at all decent.

[hlif]

Well you've got pretensions of something and I'm trying to be a good friend here, don't look a gift horse in the mouth, even you know that's rude and I have a good kick.

I know some that are decent, in the right ways, d'you read those books I sent you that that one woman wrote about me?

[aintwejust]

I don't rightly think much in those books could be called decent if if it was pretty decent writing. Good kinda indecent, though. [ Much as there are any. ] Ain't no try'n about it, Asher. You are a good friend, I'm be'n an idjit.

[hlif]

[Wow Mal fuck off bringing emotions into this shit when things are still weird between him and Kaisa.]

When I get back-- [That is a totally normal pause he is not hiding the fact that he very badly needs to start coughing at all] we'll catch up properly and I'm getting you drunk enough that you tell me what's going on in your weird head.

Because there is some shit going on.

Because you went back. To Kirkwall and I really should have just punched you until you gave me all the details.

[aintwejust]

[ Sorry are these emotions too uncomf for you? Cuz he can quit. ]

That was for a job, that's all. Got paid to go in, grab something, bring it back. Same old same old. [ Strange job but- a half decent one. Good pay too. ] No punching needed, I'll tell you everything when you get back in.

[hlif]

[Just wait until he gets back doing his dying swan routine.]

Not been much call for anyone on my end to go running back there, we went back enough right after, keeping busy everywhere else felt like more fun and well, variety's the spice of life right? [Plus, half the crew lost their homes and families so they're really not in a rush for Asher to ever take them within spitting distance of Kirkwall or Starkhaven these days.] Good, not that I don't love a bit of a friendly love tap with you but it's been a busy month since I was last up in Shithold.

[aintwejust]

Li'l bit worse than usual as of late. Took Korrin with me and that was...fun. Needed someone t'mind my back. Woulda taken you if you was about at the time. [ Wouldn't have been fun, but it would've been nice to have them both there in that shithole, all roughed up and messy. ] Maybe two or three love taps.