A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[sunshinethroughgrey]

[Well, it has to be said, and if it's said with a dimpled grin behind it, who would know except those wandering through the Warden camp?]

Fereldan, of course, because of all our lovely mabari.

[aventuriere]

You Fereldans know that there are also dogs in other countries, yes?

[apologist]

Shh, Freddie. It is what they have. Let them have it.

[aventuriere]

I know, Jeannot, but they cannot continue behaving as if their precious Mabari are the only dogs on earth! It is an insult to Barthélemy.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Well that's not true.

I mean, we also have the Hero of Fereldan.

Calanhad.

Maric.

Andraste.

Just ... mabaris sound less like bragging.

[degenere]

You have a dog called Andraste?

[aventuriere]

Cover Jehan's ears at once, Val. He cannot hear this blasphemy, who knows what might result.

[degenere]

Consider them covered at once, chérie. The poor boy.

[el_tybs]

As well as a number of other Wardens and your sibling, no?

[sunshinethroughgrey]

OH yes, how could I not bring up Alistair? We have Alistair.

Of course, and my sister Marian, Champion of Kirkwall.

[el_tybs]

Yes, how could we forget him?

But don't disclude yourself.

[degenere]

A moment, mademoiselle.

Alistair? The Alistair who Ferelden exiled, and so lost? That Alistair? Or is there perhaps another well-known Alistair that you mean to reference?

[apologist]

Andraste's birthplace remains a subject for debate, mademoiselle. There are many who place it in Jader.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Unless Denerim suddenly moved to Jader ... I really don't think so, serah. However as I was talking with your fellow scholars, Orlais has many other nice features. So don't feel badly that you don't have Andraste! You have all that beautiful desert with Warden fortresses.

[apologist]

Denerim is the most popular supposition, but it is hardly certain. Unless you have some knowledge that the Chantry does not?

[degenere]

Oh, now she likes the desert.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

I'm very sorry -- but your dogs are simply not as good as mabari. You have very nice ... uhm, masks, though?

[aventuriere]

We do have excellent masks, thank you! But I am afraid you are mistaken about the dogs. You have not seen my dog.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Oh? What breed is your dog?

[aventuriere]

He is an Arcanin from the Hunterhorn mountains in the west. They are quite rare, you may not have heard of them.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Oh they must be! What do they do?

[degenere]

Masks?

[SO OFFENDED.]

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Well, honestly ... your homes are usually too ... uhm, what is the word?

They're a bit much.

Your clothes are, ah, awfully fluffy.

You're not precisely the apex of forward thinking, either. I mean, all the awful things you do to people who aren't like you. It's rather like Tevinter? Perhaps if you were nicer to ... poor people. Or other races.

And ... your cheese tastes like someone cried into it. It's rather disconcerting.

So yes! Masks. You have lovely masks. [Beam.]

[degenere]

Like Tevinter?

Mademoiselle. We are scholars. Academics. We are among the finest minds of Orlais. Very forward thinking and educated in all matters, sons and a daughter of the University of Orlais, whose architecture is like a temple. We dress for adventure. We do nothing to anyone but make study of their history, their lives, their countries, their religion, their plants and animals, and their artifacts.

You have not considered the wine, the theater, the music, the novels, the poetry--Ilde Sauvageon, may the Maker bless her nimble fingers, and all the nibs of her pens!--the architecture, the wine, the horses--and you do a great disservice to our cheese, which flavors so beautifully the humblest of dishes--and all this, not considered, so that you can speak of our masks?

We do not even wear masks, mademoiselle. We eschew them.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

All right ... I'm confused.

I thought we were talking about the countries in general and not, you ... all ... in particular? Are we talking about you? Because I really can't say anything about you! I don't even know you. You seem like a very passionate person though! I like your verve?