A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[degenere]

[Knowledgeably:]

He is employed by the Ander government.

[aventuriere]

The former Ander government. Note the bitterness toward the current.

[degenere]

It could be a ruse...

[justice_is_blond]

Yes. It's a ruse. The Ander government loves me.

[degenere]

How much, would you say, you are loved? The favorite son?

[justice_is_blond]

Like the son that turns out to be a mage and is gotten rid of as quickly as possible, like all good, Maker-fearing Anders would do.

[degenere]

It's much more fun being the dismissed son, monsieur. Think of all the responsibilities you are free of. The obligations.

Unless this is part of your ruse, and then you are very cruel to have let me feel this camaraderie.

[justice_is_blond]

I will admit I don't miss cows. But considering being dismissed also involved being held captive by the Circles, among other things, I'm not certain I can call it fun.

[degenere]

[so many pity parties with you Anders; so tacky and boring, ugh]

You know, if you make special reference to the cows, it makes me think that you do miss them.

[justice_is_blond]

[It's called a reality check, Val, though those might not happen in Orlais.]

They were warm. But I've found a preferable, non-smelly way to stay warm, so I don't miss them too terribly.

[degenere]

Please do not say it is a well-bathed mabari. I love mabari, but in this single survey, I have heard enough of them to last me twenty dozen lifetimes.

[justice_is_blond]

Close. It's a well-bathed Fereldan.

[byblow]

[ Must you always. ]

[justice_is_blond]

[yes]