A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[apologist]

The Grey Wardens have proven to be unusually fallible, of late, and there is no telling whether your griffons are fertile... But if they found hope in the plants, then that might not be too great a disappointment. And then we would have magnificent art of flowers. I will give you that.

[justice_is_blond]

Warden politics are always complicated.

[To say the least.]

But that doesn't lessen the urgency of the job we do, or how no one else would want to do it. Nor does the potential lack of offspring lessen how magnificent the griffons are. And we're agreed on the flowers.

[apologist]

I only mean, monsieur, that it is better to place your hope in things that cannot disappoint, if you mean for that hope to sustain you.

[justice_is_blond]

Faith and the Maker cannot disappoint?

[...except he's pretty certain he hadn't wanted to take this there. It's hard to remember what he doesn't want to say or start sometimes.]

[apologist]

Faith can falter. But the Maker does not intervene, so our worldly disappointments are not His doing.

[justice_is_blond]

By that logic, no worldly good can be credited to Him either. He simply exists, and cannot be bothered. Whereas if you send word to the Grey Wardens of a Darkspawn outbreak, they will come.

[Except when Corypheus is controlling them. Details, details.]

[apologist]

The world's creation can be credited to Him. The darkspawn must be credited to us. The Wardens may come or they may not--they cannot be everywhere, particularly when they are so busy conquering kingdoms.

[justice_is_blond]

We're actually rather good at winding up everywhere. Lift a rock, there's a Warden. Wander into a shady part of town, there's a Warden. We're far better at being there than the Maker.

[apologist]

One should hope. Unless the Wardens plan on withdrawing from us as well.

[justice_is_blond]

The group here will not, at least. And we're gaining in numbers.

[apologist]

Perhaps someone should guard Skyhold's throne room. Just in case.

[justice_is_blond]

Please.

[There's a beat.]

What's the worth of taking that when there's not a pretty crown to go along with it? What do you think we are? Uncivilized?

[apologist]

[ He hesitates. ]

You are asking me this?

[justice_is_blond]

...Do you truly not know a joke when you hear it?

[apologist]

[ There is a weighty, lengthy pause. If this post were a conversation, written out for display, and Anders were standing next to him, then during that pause Jeannot would pointedly look at it. Alas.

Instead, after the pause, he gets the James Norrington treatment. ]

I am afraid I did not attend that lecture, monsieur.

[justice_is_blond]

You're Orlesian. No one would ask you seriously if you thought them uncivilized, because of course you do. That's basically the definition of Orlesian - someone who looks down on everyone else.

[apologist]

Ah, I see. Thank you for the explanation.

[justice_is_blond]

You're welcome. I'm certain it was helpful.