A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[degenere]

Like Tevinter?

Mademoiselle. We are scholars. Academics. We are among the finest minds of Orlais. Very forward thinking and educated in all matters, sons and a daughter of the University of Orlais, whose architecture is like a temple. We dress for adventure. We do nothing to anyone but make study of their history, their lives, their countries, their religion, their plants and animals, and their artifacts.

You have not considered the wine, the theater, the music, the novels, the poetry--Ilde Sauvageon, may the Maker bless her nimble fingers, and all the nibs of her pens!--the architecture, the wine, the horses--and you do a great disservice to our cheese, which flavors so beautifully the humblest of dishes--and all this, not considered, so that you can speak of our masks?

We do not even wear masks, mademoiselle. We eschew them.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

All right ... I'm confused.

I thought we were talking about the countries in general and not, you ... all ... in particular? Are we talking about you? Because I really can't say anything about you! I don't even know you. You seem like a very passionate person though! I like your verve?

[degenere]

We do speak of the countries in general! But we speak of them with accuracy, and full credit to their charms! Which is why it is a disservice to summarize Orlais under a single compliment to her masks.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

I see ... but it's all right to say that all Fereldan has are it's mabari?

[degenere]

Accuracy. Full credit to the charms.

I do like mabari.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

So you don't like the ale, or our apple tarts and roast venison, or the trees in fall, or the rustic charm of Redcliffe? The open shore, rocky and beautiful, from Amarathine and all along the Storm Coast? The beauty of Lake Calanhad? The history, the warmth of our rolling hills, and the strength and endurance, that we can survive anything? That we have a thousand tales, each one more mysterious after another?

Mabari are fantastic.

[degenere]

No.

Only the mabari.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Oh.

Well.

That's a shame. I wish you could be more open-minded for a scholar.

[degenere]

I find apples revolting, venison tastes of human, trees display beautiful hues in many lands, and 'rustic' is a very kind word for Redcliffe. In Orlais, we would say, crumbly. We cannot count the open and rocky shore as a virtue, since you leave out deserts when extolling the virtues of Orlais. So, the lake. So, the rolling hills, which are really a terribly boring land mass, if we must be judging land masses. History is in every land, I have heard tales far more mysterious in other lands, and as to strength and endurance--

Well, perhaps I will give you that one. I knew a very charming girl of your country. She had quite an endurance. Hours.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Maker's Breath, I did not need to know that.

[degenere]

It is another credit to your country, mademoiselle. You can add it to your list. Her name was Benevolence.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Well, I shall be happy to do so -- she sounds like a woman of ... sound constitution, to say the very least.

[Oh this is so very, very awkward.]

[degenere]

Very sound. And she lived up to her name. The very spirit of benevolence. She was never stingy or begrudging anyone of any piece of her.

I shall mark your country a little higher in her memory, mademoiselle.