therookery | [ OPEN ] Inquisition's Hot or Hot DAMN

[ OPEN ] Inquisition's Hot or Hot DAMN

FORM:Sending Crystal / Posted copy to the bulletin board
SENDER: Zevran Arainai
RECIPIENT: All
WHAT: The Inquisition is full of stupidly pretty people. This bears discussing.
WHEN: Current
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Respectful oogling, language, and adult content.

I think the time has come to ask a very serious question of the Inquisition. Is it just me or is Skyhold full to bursting with ridiculously sexy individuals? We have statuesque Qunari, lithe Dalish, voluptuous Dwarves, Humans in every glorious shade, size, and shape- and every last one of them incredibly attractive. I had thought to myself- 'Zevran, the Inquisition must be turning away those with less than appealing faces' but no. Handsome men and gorgeous women all. I have tried to list out names and rate them but, alas, there are too many even for I to form an opinion.

Too many gorgeous people. Is that not a marvelous problem to have?

And so I turn to you, my fellow members of the Inquisition. I ask for your aid because I simply cannot keep up with all the lovely people on my own. From a scale of "I would have them tomorrow" to "I would have them right now", how would you rate the beautiful people of Skyhold?

In the interest of fairness- if you name a name? You must list what of them you find terribly attractive- what of them drives you to the point of distraction. I shall go first!

Dorian Pavus - If there is anyone here that might, and I do mean might possibly be prettier than me? It is Dorian. Have you seen him? How can anyone look upon that man and not be at least a little enchanted, if not enthralled? Those smoldering eyes, that sultry voice, the teasing mustache; he I would have right now should he wish.

Merrill - What can I say? She is an utter delight in every possible way- fine boned and sweet, under that innocent smile I promise there is a terribly naughty mind just waiting to be unleashed. Her as well I would have in a heartbeat were I not afraid for my life due to the protective nature of some of her friends.

Knight-Captain Maria - The allure of a dutiful woman is beyond measuring. Her skill in battle, that wry humor, her devotion- I am certain under that templar armor there is a body that would bring many a man and woman to their knees in worship. She? I would have in an hour as I am certain it would take that long to get her out of the armor.

Taashath - I would climb the man like a tree- I have climbed the man like a tree. Those broad shoulders, that rack, his voice, the way his muscles ripple- Maker just recounting the things of him that I find alluring has me a little distracted, I apologize. Reshaping the friendly shores indeed. There is a delightful danger to him- and as such I would have him within an hour, for being made ready takes about that long.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Teren is terrifying and I am not saving you when she hears this.

I'm not sure anyone can at this point. But it was entirely worth it.

I will speak well of you in your eulogy, my friend.

Thank you. I appreciate it.

[He appreciates someone saying 'my friend' even more.]

Do go on about your Nathaniel, though. I could listen to that for an hour.

Would you.

[He's nervous. Very nervous. There's a reason he tucked Nate in among so many others, and it's because he doesn't want the man hurt.]

He's a brilliant archer; I've not see his like with a bow elsewhere. Absolutely reliable, sharp, quick to assess what's going on, quick to react, covers the field and manages to stay out of reach of most of the large grabby angry things. It's impressive.

[And then he sends a message to just Zevran, and the casual tone that had been in his voice is gone.]

I... I don't want him hurt because of our association. I tucked him in with others because I don't want to draw too much attention to the fact that we're together. If you'd like to hear it, I'll gladly talk in private about it.

That is...terribly kind of you, Anders. If you wish to speak of him I would love to hear it. He is a marvel of a man.

He is.

[Now he lets his voice soften and become warm.]

I saw how handsome he was when we met. Gaunt, yes, haunted, but I obviously I can't judge there. His eyes are intent, focused, were even then, and he pours the entirety of his heart into things. I liked him at the start... but he never rose to my flirting, always rolled his eyes, dismissed it. That's why I thought he was an excellent choice for the challenge. He seemed unflappable.

Oblivious, more like. [ Zevran crackles a laugh. ] Or not ready to believe you might be sincere. I have seen the sort before.

Oblivious most certainly fits, but he said something along those lines, not believing I meant it.

[There's a beat.]

He doesn't think he's attractive. I'd ask you to help with that, only he's decided that Justice isn't quite as much of a deterrent. So based on something he said, I think you've already helped in an entirely different way.

I have no idea whatsoever what that might have been.

Not at all.

[ Nope not talking about giving either of them a nudge. Nope. ]

Mmhmm.

[He's not convinced, but he's not pressing.]

You're a true friend, Zevran. If there's anything you need...

[It's not like he owes the guy a debt. They're... somewhat equal now, in his mind. He's helped a group save Zevran's life twice, but Zevran made him a promise if he was to wind up in a cell and enabled this. But he is touched.]

A cure for the blight and someone to divine where in the Maker's Name Jonas has wandered off to would be marvelous.

[There's a long stretch of silence on his end. He wants so badly to ask if Alistair is hearing something in addition, new, worse, but he won't. After a time, he exhales.]

Merrill cured the Blight from her eluvian with her... methods. It was blighted, I can confirm that. That's the only lead I have on either, but you know what she uses. Everyone should, it's in Varric's book, but I don't think most actually believe it.

The point is that that's all I have. And I can't work with her on it. Justice will have absolutely nothing to do with that because of its source. I don't know if that information helps you.

There is precedent- Grand Enchanter Fiona was once a Grey Warden and had the taint cured of her. She has no idea how. Perhaps there is something in what Merrill did that might be used? I do not know. I only know that...

I only know that he will not allow me to make good on my word when the time comes.

The taint cured out of her...

[He trails off.]

I'll pursue that, if possible. She may speak with me. And what word did you give?

That when the time came for him to go into the dark one last time, he shall not be walking alone.

[Oh, Zevran. That little exhale is the sound of Anders' heart breaking.]

I...

[Wardens generally tell each other when their time comes so that someone is thinking of them in those last moments as the darkness devours them. But he can't offer to betray Alistair's trust to send Zevran to his death, no matter how hurt the Elf is.]

I will speak with him. I promise nothing, because who would want a friend to end like that, with them? But I understand not wanting to let him be lost alone.

[Karl had been alone when they'd taken all he was. Jonas... Anders doesn't know that he can believe the man to be still alive, and the only chance of him not being alone when he fell was Oghren, a combination that's too painful to think about. Both dead? No. Hard enough that Jonas alone is likely gone.]

I am an elf of my word. He never minds his flank- if it is to matter, if he is to do what the whole purpose of that last walk into death at all? He will need someone making certain he can actually get somewhere to do damage.

[ And who better than someone that waded through that dark and shadow with him once before? he's been to the darkest edges of the Deep Roads that Alistair has walked. Cut down brood mothers. Held the line alongside the Legion of the Dead. There are precious few honorable ends available to Assassins. The Crows, illness, a demon-

if he is to die he would choose the means.

And what better way than to make certain Alistair's last battle is something truly remarkable. ]

That is, of course, assuming I live long enough to make that walk. The other deal we had was I would die first and he would make a dramatic fuss at my funeral.

[He has lost so many. Vanished in the night, made Tranquil, lost to Darkspawn, lost to Templars, lost to demons, the list goes on and on, and he's so tired of it.]

Maker let either of these happen after I'm dead and gone.

[Not that the Maker has ever given a damn about any prayer Anders has ever made before.]

I don't want to talk about you dying any more, please. I've lost enough friends.

Death happens, Anders. When I am paid for it, death happens a little more often.

[ As an assassin he does have a particularly pragmatic perspective regarding death, this is true. ]

But as you like, no more talk of death. What shall we talk about instead?

I know it does. That doesn't mean I have to like thinking about you dying.

[But now to find a happier topic...]

Tell me about your first impression of Alistair, when you met.

You do know the tale, yes? An assassination attempt failed?

Well at first they were a target, I saw him in the back with the sword and shield and thought 'He probably does not mind his flank, I'll hamstring him and slit his throat when he stumbles'. Of course I didn't have to since he found a bearclaw trap we'd set out for the giant with them, Sten, right away whereas Sten rushed one of the mages I'd hired to come along with us. The battle itself is a bit of a blur- I was subdued in short order.

When I woke I was surprised enough to have done so and I look up at Jonas and Alistair and wonder to myself which one I would have to fuck to stay. Jonas obviously was the one in charge and Alistair kept his opinions to himself until I proposed joining them. He seemed quite put out, so not only was he clumsy and overly idealistic, he was principled. And easily soothed from how I could watch Jonas handle him. Appreciative of a good barb, sarcastic. Jonas saw a tool, that much I knew, Alistair? Took the attack personally for some time. I found it amusing.

I've heard the tale. I've never heard what you thought of Alistair on first conversation. It's always "And then the famed, talented, best assassin failed to assassinate the great Hero of Ferelden who is the best survivor of all assassin attacks and plots and did we mention he's heroic and impressive and did everything," forget the fact that he traveled with a group who also had to watch his back and heal him every time he got stabbed which was often, "and heroically spared the assassin because he's a hero and grand, and out of gratitude said assassin wept and pledged himself to the Hero's side as any would do."

[He snorts.]

The tales are all very one-sided, you know as well as I.

Ah, true enough.

Mostly he seemed annoyed that I was able to laugh at my situation. Offended, perhaps. I thought he might push the issue but, for whatever reason, could not kill me himself. Not that it stopped him from attempting to give me a pack full of supplies with a very solid recommendation that I ought to leave now and again. It happened less and less as we traveled. It stopped entirely after I explained what would be done to me were I to be captured.

For the first month or so I thought he was jealous? Which is the strangest thing, Jonas did not truly care for men, that much I could tell easily enough. Alistair himself- not one to bed men, but the jealousy of 'you have taken someone's attention away from me' is very young- between that and the figurines Jonas would give him I will admit some surprise at how well he handled everything.

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