therookery | [ OPEN ] Inquisition's Hot or Hot DAMN

[ OPEN ] Inquisition's Hot or Hot DAMN

FORM:Sending Crystal / Posted copy to the bulletin board
SENDER: Zevran Arainai
RECIPIENT: All
WHAT: The Inquisition is full of stupidly pretty people. This bears discussing.
WHEN: Current
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Respectful oogling, language, and adult content.

I think the time has come to ask a very serious question of the Inquisition. Is it just me or is Skyhold full to bursting with ridiculously sexy individuals? We have statuesque Qunari, lithe Dalish, voluptuous Dwarves, Humans in every glorious shade, size, and shape- and every last one of them incredibly attractive. I had thought to myself- 'Zevran, the Inquisition must be turning away those with less than appealing faces' but no. Handsome men and gorgeous women all. I have tried to list out names and rate them but, alas, there are too many even for I to form an opinion.

Too many gorgeous people. Is that not a marvelous problem to have?

And so I turn to you, my fellow members of the Inquisition. I ask for your aid because I simply cannot keep up with all the lovely people on my own. From a scale of "I would have them tomorrow" to "I would have them right now", how would you rate the beautiful people of Skyhold?

In the interest of fairness- if you name a name? You must list what of them you find terribly attractive- what of them drives you to the point of distraction. I shall go first!

Dorian Pavus - If there is anyone here that might, and I do mean might possibly be prettier than me? It is Dorian. Have you seen him? How can anyone look upon that man and not be at least a little enchanted, if not enthralled? Those smoldering eyes, that sultry voice, the teasing mustache; he I would have right now should he wish.

Merrill - What can I say? She is an utter delight in every possible way- fine boned and sweet, under that innocent smile I promise there is a terribly naughty mind just waiting to be unleashed. Her as well I would have in a heartbeat were I not afraid for my life due to the protective nature of some of her friends.

Knight-Captain Maria - The allure of a dutiful woman is beyond measuring. Her skill in battle, that wry humor, her devotion- I am certain under that templar armor there is a body that would bring many a man and woman to their knees in worship. She? I would have in an hour as I am certain it would take that long to get her out of the armor.

Taashath - I would climb the man like a tree- I have climbed the man like a tree. Those broad shoulders, that rack, his voice, the way his muscles ripple- Maker just recounting the things of him that I find alluring has me a little distracted, I apologize. Reshaping the friendly shores indeed. There is a delightful danger to him- and as such I would have him within an hour, for being made ready takes about that long.

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You do know the tale, yes? An assassination attempt failed?

Well at first they were a target, I saw him in the back with the sword and shield and thought 'He probably does not mind his flank, I'll hamstring him and slit his throat when he stumbles'. Of course I didn't have to since he found a bearclaw trap we'd set out for the giant with them, Sten, right away whereas Sten rushed one of the mages I'd hired to come along with us. The battle itself is a bit of a blur- I was subdued in short order.

When I woke I was surprised enough to have done so and I look up at Jonas and Alistair and wonder to myself which one I would have to fuck to stay. Jonas obviously was the one in charge and Alistair kept his opinions to himself until I proposed joining them. He seemed quite put out, so not only was he clumsy and overly idealistic, he was principled. And easily soothed from how I could watch Jonas handle him. Appreciative of a good barb, sarcastic. Jonas saw a tool, that much I knew, Alistair? Took the attack personally for some time. I found it amusing.

I've heard the tale. I've never heard what you thought of Alistair on first conversation. It's always "And then the famed, talented, best assassin failed to assassinate the great Hero of Ferelden who is the best survivor of all assassin attacks and plots and did we mention he's heroic and impressive and did everything," forget the fact that he traveled with a group who also had to watch his back and heal him every time he got stabbed which was often, "and heroically spared the assassin because he's a hero and grand, and out of gratitude said assassin wept and pledged himself to the Hero's side as any would do."

[He snorts.]

The tales are all very one-sided, you know as well as I.

Ah, true enough.

Mostly he seemed annoyed that I was able to laugh at my situation. Offended, perhaps. I thought he might push the issue but, for whatever reason, could not kill me himself. Not that it stopped him from attempting to give me a pack full of supplies with a very solid recommendation that I ought to leave now and again. It happened less and less as we traveled. It stopped entirely after I explained what would be done to me were I to be captured.

For the first month or so I thought he was jealous? Which is the strangest thing, Jonas did not truly care for men, that much I could tell easily enough. Alistair himself- not one to bed men, but the jealousy of 'you have taken someone's attention away from me' is very young- between that and the figurines Jonas would give him I will admit some surprise at how well he handled everything.

So he's changed a lot, since then?

[He doesn't see the Alistair he's slowly getting to know as the jealous type so much, and Alistair does not seem to be Jonas' biggest fan.]

I'd also add that I gathered as much about Jonas not caring for men, but considering I thought for certain Nate didn't either I now have to call all of my judgments there into question. Perhaps Varric can be seduced after all. And now it is too late for me to figure this out. Maybe I should leave such a worthy quest to you?

We all changed over the course of that year and the decade that followed. Jonas and Alistair...they went through a great deal together; they were close friends. Jonas choosing to spare Loghain despite his actions at Ostagar caused a rift. Why do you think Alistair exiled himself to Orlais?

As far as I know, Jonas never attempted to rebuild that bridge. I do not know that he thought it possible.

I... hadn't really thought about it.

[The amusement is gone, and his voice is quiet.]

A lot of the deeper movements during the Fifth Blight are things I heard about far after the fact. You were at Kinloch Hold dealing with Uldred while I was escaped, and then I was... well. Detained. I'd heard a story or two by the time I met Jonas, especially the Kinloch one, but not nearly all of what's out there.

Ugh, the tower. I do not know what I enjoyed less of our travels- dealing with that tower or the Deep Roads. You would think 'oh, it is a tower of mages and some demons, how bad could it possibly be?'

Bad. The answer is very, very bad. Ridiculously bad.

Would I think that?

[And the amusement is back.]

That going into a Circle can't be that bad? But thank you for taking Wynne with you. The lecture I would have gotten after that second-to-last escape attempt is torment beyond comprehension. I always thought it decidedly unfair that a mage who wanted to keep everyone locked up got to gallivant about and envied her greatly... until I went to the Deep Roads too. Then I was no longer envious.

She was at Ostagar as well, apparently. Jonas recalled seeing her there, sent by the Circle to assist in the war effort. I never thought all that much about how mages were used as I had not seen many from the circle in Antiva- they never leave the tower. Apostates, true, the Crows use but...

Sent out and told to kill. The similarities are a little jarring.

[...and back to serious, because what is this conversation.]

We're taught how to kill with our abilities, most learn how to attend to small wounds, and then there are the very few who can heal a great deal. We were weapons used as the Chantry deemed fit, ended when they deemed fit. If we're to be fair, you and Jonas did not simply take Wynne with you. Greagoir and Irving determined it most useful and advantageous to send her along. I've no idea if she'd any loyalty to your group, but she carried her loyalty to the Circle to her end when she had the chance to surpass that.

In that, I pity her. She saw the world and chose the cage. I'll never know why. And she was not all bad. A harsh teacher, yes. Obliviously cruel at times, believing that every punishment given a runaway was just. But it was because she wanted me to succeed and thrive as she defined success and thriving, and could not understand another point of view. Compassion with blinders on, if I may.

Do not get me started on her and points of view. I became fond of her gradually but she certainly made any manner of camaraderie difficult. It seemed we got along best when she forgot to judge me or anyone else; but those moments were few and far between.

You might be surprised to hear she got along quite well with Oghren, of all people. Who knew?

I'd be very surprised. If anything, I would have guessed Sten. Order and places and such, and likely no flirting. She hated when I flirted, whether it was with her or a passer-by. And Oghren had to have flirted. Didn't he?

They were too busy discussing beer to flirt, though that in and of itself might have been it's own form of flirtation.

You don't really think she was flirting with him. You can't. You've got to be kidding me. I'm going to ask Alistair to verify, you should know, so you may want to tell the truth.

[As if Alistair would contradict Zevran with any sort of forewarning.]

Edited 2016-05-01 08:52 (UTC)

I don't know, Anders, there were many hours wiled away discussing full bodies and the benefits of hops.

That is a mental image I could have gone without. I'm going to have nightmares on top of the usual ones, and I'm a mage and a Grey Warden...

That is easy enough to cure! Imagine me, naked on a sunny beach with a back in need of oiling.

For the first time in my life I'm a taken man, and now you suggest this?

What is a little back oiling among friends? Besides, you can put Nate there as well and we both can oil him. Or Nate and I could oil you. Honestly, Anders, your mind is so filthy.

[He snorts.]

Yes, naked was meant to give no implications at all. But I think it only fair that all three have their turn in such a situation.

I do not wear anything when I mean to laze about in the sun. But, fine, have it your way.

[Said slowly:]

I suppose I've never considered simply lazing about in the sun. Maybe I did when, before, when I was younger, but I don't think I have.

When the weather changes and it is finally warm enough to do so? I shall have to show you the simple joy of it. Or, perhaps, we could add a solarium to the house we are planning to build. All of the sunlight and warmth year round!

I'm going to take you up on that if Justice is in a mood to allow it.

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[ OPEN ] Inquisition's Hot or Hot DAMN

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