open.

[exequy]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Nell Voss & Kostos Averesch
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Helpful advice
WHEN: On the way to Nevarra City
NOTES: Necrophilia mention

Hello, Inquisition. Since we are now on our way to Nevarra, we--your friendly [ accompanied by a quiet snort in the background ] local Nevarrans--thought it would be helpful to provide some basic information about our homeland.

Specifically, questions you should refrain from asking when we get to Nevarra City.

[ They do sound Nevarran, more or less. (Him more, her less.) They also sound like they're probably sharing a bottle in addition to sharing the crystal.

Nell begins: ] Does everyone have sex with corpses?

Do the Mortalitasi have sex with corpses?

Can I have sex with corpses?

Are there dead people in this tavern?

Are there dead people beneath this tavern?

Can I talk to the dead people?

Can you talk to the dead people? Are you a dead person?

If Andrastians elsewhere burn their dead to honor Andraste, because she was likewise burned, does that mean Nevarrans believe she was mummified and stashed somewhere?

Can I see mummified Andraste?

Can I see a mummified dragon?

Are there dragons at court? Does the king have a pet dragon?

Did the king kill his pet dragon?

Isn't the king a dragonslayer? Aren't all Pentaghasts dragonslayers?

Isn't everyone in Nevarra a Pentaghast?

What about necromancers, aren't you all necromancers?

Is the king a necromancer?

Is the king a dead person? And isn't Nevarra basically just Tevinter Junior?

The answer to all of these questions is no. Whatever obvious question we didn't include that you now want to ask us, the answer is also no. If you think it would be clever to make your question a negative so the answer will have to be yes, you are both wrong and obnoxious.

Comments

[utulien_aure]

So assuming we avoid those topics, what would be sensible advice to follow in Nevarra?

[exequy]

Behave.

[galvanising]

Don't try to have sex with corpses, or dead people in any other form.

[aforethought]

So none of y'are necromancers?

[galvanising]

Nnnnno...

[aforethought]

Wait. No, none of you are, or no, some of you —

[ the sound of someone possibly trying to work this out on their fingers ]

[doneisdone]

Oh Maker preserve us.

[exequy]

Preservation is the Mortalitasi’s purview.

[ He’s trying... to make a joke... ]

[justice_is_blond]

Personally, I find asking people if they're dead to be rather practical.

[exequy]

While they’re trying to eat?

[circleprodigy]

...are those truly questions which are often asked?

[exequy]

I’ve heard most of them at least once. Of course, when I was transferred from Nevarra City I was sent to Ghislain.

[ And Orlesians are idiots.

Alternatively: Orlesians were making fun of him, with his dour and increasingly exasperated denials. Either one is possible. Believe whichever one feels true in your heart. ]

[arlathvhen]

...Are you okay?

[exequy]

No.

[earthbones]

And that's just allowed. [S'up, new rifter, nonplussed by this more than the demons and her hand.]

[exequy]

No one has sex with the corpses.

[faithlikeaseed]

How do I say "please burn my body when I die" in Nevarran?

[exequy]

[ In Nevarran, helpfully, but also impatient even in its slow and careful enunciation, ] I have already done you the convenience of wrapping my head.

[unshadowing]

Well no kidding. Everyone knows King Markus has a pet undead dragon. No measly living dragon for him, oh no.

[Hi. Carver has nothing to contribute besides being a little shit.]

[exequy]

What is your name?

[galvanising]

A point for you, Mr. Carver. You've caught our trick question! For a bonus, can you recall the name of the king's undead pet dragon?

[thunderproof]

❰ what on the gods' green earth... adalia has a number of questions, but one stands out as the most important. ❱

Are your dragons necromancers...?

❰ time to start panicking, if so. ❱

[galvanising]

Yes.

[motherofdragons]

I am new to this world and thus unaccustomed to what is considered usual, so I apologise if this falls under the obvious, but is it common for there to be dragons kept by nobility?

[exequy]

[ Because she’s new, he sighs quietly. ]

No. Dragons can’t be kept.