[ OPEN ] Inquisition's Hot or Hot DAMN

[ombranera]

FORM:Sending Crystal / Posted copy to the bulletin board
SENDER: Zevran Arainai
RECIPIENT: All
WHAT: The Inquisition is full of stupidly pretty people. This bears discussing.
WHEN: Current
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Respectful oogling, language, and adult content.

I think the time has come to ask a very serious question of the Inquisition. Is it just me or is Skyhold full to bursting with ridiculously sexy individuals? We have statuesque Qunari, lithe Dalish, voluptuous Dwarves, Humans in every glorious shade, size, and shape- and every last one of them incredibly attractive. I had thought to myself- 'Zevran, the Inquisition must be turning away those with less than appealing faces' but no. Handsome men and gorgeous women all. I have tried to list out names and rate them but, alas, there are too many even for I to form an opinion.

Too many gorgeous people. Is that not a marvelous problem to have?

And so I turn to you, my fellow members of the Inquisition. I ask for your aid because I simply cannot keep up with all the lovely people on my own. From a scale of "I would have them tomorrow" to "I would have them right now", how would you rate the beautiful people of Skyhold?

In the interest of fairness- if you name a name? You must list what of them you find terribly attractive- what of them drives you to the point of distraction. I shall go first!

Dorian Pavus - If there is anyone here that might, and I do mean might possibly be prettier than me? It is Dorian. Have you seen him? How can anyone look upon that man and not be at least a little enchanted, if not enthralled? Those smoldering eyes, that sultry voice, the teasing mustache; he I would have right now should he wish.

Merrill - What can I say? She is an utter delight in every possible way- fine boned and sweet, under that innocent smile I promise there is a terribly naughty mind just waiting to be unleashed. Her as well I would have in a heartbeat were I not afraid for my life due to the protective nature of some of her friends.

Knight-Captain Maria - The allure of a dutiful woman is beyond measuring. Her skill in battle, that wry humor, her devotion- I am certain under that templar armor there is a body that would bring many a man and woman to their knees in worship. She? I would have in an hour as I am certain it would take that long to get her out of the armor.

Taashath - I would climb the man like a tree- I have climbed the man like a tree. Those broad shoulders, that rack, his voice, the way his muscles ripple- Maker just recounting the things of him that I find alluring has me a little distracted, I apologize. Reshaping the friendly shores indeed. There is a delightful danger to him- and as such I would have him within an hour, for being made ready takes about that long.

Comments

[chainlightning]

Do you? [ As someone who has only ever known a possessed Anders, this is sort of surprising. ] I always just sort of thought you only ever touched your manifesto.

[ but wait a minute ]

Someone was flirting with me? Who?

[ She is going to assume he means other than Zevran and Bull and Asher, as that was obvious. ]

[justice_is_blond]

Kirkwall was different.

[That's all he's going to say about that. Though he's most certainly going to groan at the questions.]

Maker preserve me. No, no, I'm not answering that. I don't need him swaggering up to Skyhold and getting pissy because I spilled the beans his inept ass couldn't.

[justice_is_blond]

[Five seconds later.]

No, asses cannot hold beans, donkeys probably do in sacks, it's a turn of phrase.

[chainlightning]

Andeeeeeeeers!

[ merrill you could probably figure it out if you thought about it for five seconds

but instead- ]

I'm sure an ass could hold beans. You just maybe wouldn't want to eat them after.

[justice_is_blond]

How do these conversations keep happening?

[chainlightning]

You've had more conversations about ass beans?

[justice_is_blond]

No! I mean-- Seven years. Seven years, and I never learned not to... Please forget about asses and beans and continue flirting with Zevran. He can give you a thorough education.

[chainlightning]

Not in spells, though!

[justice_is_blond]

One. Just one spell, Merrill, so help me. And then you never ask again, or about donkeys or beans either.

[chainlightning]

I can't ask "Anders, would you like beans with supper"?

[justice_is_blond]

No. No you cannot, because if I allow that, you'll add on another possible exclusion and we'll never get anywhere. No beans, no donkeys, no naughty spells.

1/2

[chainlightning]

To be fair, I didn't say anything about donkeys.

[chainlightning]

[ Hm. ]

No deal!

[justice_is_blond]

Maker preserve me.

Not like he's ever bothered before. Go do your... I don't know. I don't care. Whatever you're heading off to do you won't get to because you'll be lost, just don't get lost in the Warden camp tonight because I want to actually sleep rather than answer nonstop questions.

[chainlightning]

You're terribly cross today, Anders. Maybe you should go touch your manifesto.

[ That is the worst innuendo and I'm sorry. ]

[justice_is_blond]

I'm not cross! You're--

[A breath.]

You know what? That's almost a good idea. I know someone who wants to touch my manifesto for me, however, so I'm going to go find him, and practice some particular spells. Good night, Merrill.

[chainlightning]

Have fun!

[ How nice for Anders, making friends. ]