[ OPEN ] Inquisition's Hot or Hot DAMN

[ombranera]

FORM:Sending Crystal / Posted copy to the bulletin board
SENDER: Zevran Arainai
RECIPIENT: All
WHAT: The Inquisition is full of stupidly pretty people. This bears discussing.
WHEN: Current
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Respectful oogling, language, and adult content.

I think the time has come to ask a very serious question of the Inquisition. Is it just me or is Skyhold full to bursting with ridiculously sexy individuals? We have statuesque Qunari, lithe Dalish, voluptuous Dwarves, Humans in every glorious shade, size, and shape- and every last one of them incredibly attractive. I had thought to myself- 'Zevran, the Inquisition must be turning away those with less than appealing faces' but no. Handsome men and gorgeous women all. I have tried to list out names and rate them but, alas, there are too many even for I to form an opinion.

Too many gorgeous people. Is that not a marvelous problem to have?

And so I turn to you, my fellow members of the Inquisition. I ask for your aid because I simply cannot keep up with all the lovely people on my own. From a scale of "I would have them tomorrow" to "I would have them right now", how would you rate the beautiful people of Skyhold?

In the interest of fairness- if you name a name? You must list what of them you find terribly attractive- what of them drives you to the point of distraction. I shall go first!

Dorian Pavus - If there is anyone here that might, and I do mean might possibly be prettier than me? It is Dorian. Have you seen him? How can anyone look upon that man and not be at least a little enchanted, if not enthralled? Those smoldering eyes, that sultry voice, the teasing mustache; he I would have right now should he wish.

Merrill - What can I say? She is an utter delight in every possible way- fine boned and sweet, under that innocent smile I promise there is a terribly naughty mind just waiting to be unleashed. Her as well I would have in a heartbeat were I not afraid for my life due to the protective nature of some of her friends.

Knight-Captain Maria - The allure of a dutiful woman is beyond measuring. Her skill in battle, that wry humor, her devotion- I am certain under that templar armor there is a body that would bring many a man and woman to their knees in worship. She? I would have in an hour as I am certain it would take that long to get her out of the armor.

Taashath - I would climb the man like a tree- I have climbed the man like a tree. Those broad shoulders, that rack, his voice, the way his muscles ripple- Maker just recounting the things of him that I find alluring has me a little distracted, I apologize. Reshaping the friendly shores indeed. There is a delightful danger to him- and as such I would have him within an hour, for being made ready takes about that long.

Comments

[byblow]

[ TWO THOUSAND YEAR SIGH.

But then. ]

Alejandro. That passion. That fury. That refusal to listen to reason or accept nuance. It's adorable.

Nathaniel Howe—he makes not having any fun ever look incredibly sexy.

And Adelaide, of course. There's nothing that appeals to me more than feeling like I'm thirteen years old and being lectured by a Chantry sister. And she has lovely hair.

[ombranera]

I do not think you're doing this right. We are attempting to objectify people based on their physical merits.

Alejandro, now, he is well muscled like all great smiths. His shoulders, his back- mmm.

Nathaniel- he is a longbowman and it shows. So tall, so broad. I would climb him like a tree if he had a mind.

Adelaide- I have not seen much of her but I think, perhaps, she has a lovely ass? I- assume she has a lovely bustline?

[byblow]

Don't be cute when I'm trying to be difficult.

[ombranera]

Don't be difficult when I am trying to be lecherous.

[byblow]

That hardly leaves any time at all.

[arachnophobe]

I meant to say you had a nice ass. I just wanna kick it.

[byblow]

Darling.

[arachnophobe]

Muffin.

[ombranera]

And now I know the subjects for my first set of erotic portraits.

[byblow]

I'll burn every bit of paper you own.

[eviscerates]

( she is both amused and a little judgmental. )

Adelaide's never lectured me. Maybe you bring it out in her.

[byblow]

I do my best. You should try it sometime.

[eviscerates]

I don't know, it sounds like a pretty unique bond you share.

[byblow]

I doubt that. I'm sure it's me and at least a dozen badly-behaved apprentices.

[justice_is_blond]

There are two you're seriously underselling there.

[byblow]

What? Adelaide and—do you fancy Alejandro, Anders? Talk about lust transcending boundaries.

[justice_is_blond]

Big mouths are very useful for some things, but I can't say Alejandro's quite does it for me. Maybe it's the chance of biting that makes it decidedly not interesting.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

... You are so bad at this game.

[byblow]

I'm not speaking to you until you're sober and ready to apologize for talking about my ass.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

I may be tipsy, and I might apologize for talking about your ass, but that will not take away that you still have a very fine ass and you are terrible at this game.

[pinprick]

Did I do something to deserve this?

[ombranera]

Be ridiculously sexy in public?

[pinprick]

You realize he wasn't paying me a compliment.

[byblow]

Other than making not having any fun ever look incredibly sexy?

[pinprick]

If you have a problem with me, at least avoid being passive-aggressive about it in front of everyone.