[ OPEN ] Inquisition's Hot or Hot DAMN

[ombranera]

FORM:Sending Crystal / Posted copy to the bulletin board
SENDER: Zevran Arainai
RECIPIENT: All
WHAT: The Inquisition is full of stupidly pretty people. This bears discussing.
WHEN: Current
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Respectful oogling, language, and adult content.

I think the time has come to ask a very serious question of the Inquisition. Is it just me or is Skyhold full to bursting with ridiculously sexy individuals? We have statuesque Qunari, lithe Dalish, voluptuous Dwarves, Humans in every glorious shade, size, and shape- and every last one of them incredibly attractive. I had thought to myself- 'Zevran, the Inquisition must be turning away those with less than appealing faces' but no. Handsome men and gorgeous women all. I have tried to list out names and rate them but, alas, there are too many even for I to form an opinion.

Too many gorgeous people. Is that not a marvelous problem to have?

And so I turn to you, my fellow members of the Inquisition. I ask for your aid because I simply cannot keep up with all the lovely people on my own. From a scale of "I would have them tomorrow" to "I would have them right now", how would you rate the beautiful people of Skyhold?

In the interest of fairness- if you name a name? You must list what of them you find terribly attractive- what of them drives you to the point of distraction. I shall go first!

Dorian Pavus - If there is anyone here that might, and I do mean might possibly be prettier than me? It is Dorian. Have you seen him? How can anyone look upon that man and not be at least a little enchanted, if not enthralled? Those smoldering eyes, that sultry voice, the teasing mustache; he I would have right now should he wish.

Merrill - What can I say? She is an utter delight in every possible way- fine boned and sweet, under that innocent smile I promise there is a terribly naughty mind just waiting to be unleashed. Her as well I would have in a heartbeat were I not afraid for my life due to the protective nature of some of her friends.

Knight-Captain Maria - The allure of a dutiful woman is beyond measuring. Her skill in battle, that wry humor, her devotion- I am certain under that templar armor there is a body that would bring many a man and woman to their knees in worship. She? I would have in an hour as I am certain it would take that long to get her out of the armor.

Taashath - I would climb the man like a tree- I have climbed the man like a tree. Those broad shoulders, that rack, his voice, the way his muscles ripple- Maker just recounting the things of him that I find alluring has me a little distracted, I apologize. Reshaping the friendly shores indeed. There is a delightful danger to him- and as such I would have him within an hour, for being made ready takes about that long.

Comments

[dragondowner]

Yeah, that sounds about right.

[He in no way realizes he's being teased. That just...basically sounds like his luck.]

Well I've seen through it now--yes ser--I've figured this one out and the Gods can't keep pulling the pelt over my eyes.

Lowlander women are amazing! That secret's out!

[He is just so...firm and sure about this. Way to see through that ruse, Hiccup. Gj, buddy. After a moment he sort of huffs and deflates a bit, audibly.]

Too bad that lowlander men are pretty...great and handsome or whatever also. Really setting the bar high here, aren't you guys? Just had to go and be attractive as a group, didn't you all?

[eviscerates]

Good for you. You show those Gods. ( she is so bemused??? )

Technically I don't know if I'm a lowlander. More the through-the-Rift sort, buuut there are some staggeringly beautiful people in my home world, too. We'll survive, kid. Somehow.

[dragondowner]

[He knows he's being patronized but, hey, it's nice to have someone cheer him on. He'll take it.]

Oh, so you fell out of the sky, then? That's...pretty high up...but also not land.

[Now there's a weird technicality he hadn't considered. And, just like that, Hiccup has been completely derailed from the original topic.]

Huh, I wonder if that means you're technically from the Lady's lands? But you weren't eaten by birds, so that's out...unless...you were?

[Okay, yeah, if you were eaten by birds at some point, he can see why you are not having a lot of luck with pretty people. He feels for you, sky-lander.]

this is going well

[eviscerates]

It wasn't my most graceful moment.

( and, a breath of laughter. )

No, no being eaten by birds, thankfully. I... didn't realise that was actually a risk.

( just peering at the Rookery from where she's sitting, Slightly Concerned. )

Once my town was attacked by flying monkeys, sort of.

[dragondowner]

I have no idea what that is.

[Stated in a dry tone that absolutely confirms that he now believes monkeys, whatever they are, are dangerous and a menace to all good people everywhere.]

I'd say birds are a problem, but they usually only eat you after you die so...really, I mean, at that point it's sort of...eh?

But that does mean you're not from the halls of the dead, so that's probably a good thing. Also basically means that you're prettier than I was imagining, and that's definitely good.

If you like war paint, that always helps.

Usually.

[eviscerates]

Oh, right. Uh, think of a small, fuzzy things that kind of look a tiny bit like people but have long tails, sometimes. And I think their feet look like hands?

( How do you describe a primate to someone who has never seen them? Her life is hard. )

Well, yeah. I'd like to think I look better than your average corpse that's been eaten by birds.

( In general, at least? Although Granny'd probably have something to swoop in with, at this point, so who knows. )

I've heard people describe make up the same way, really. Skillfully applied eyeliner is an art.