tonight on cops: thedas edition

[inagutterson]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Yngvi Congealedinagutterson. Yes that's his name
RECIPIENT: Unfortunately everyone.
WHAT: Yngvi goes to check in on Gwen's dad. He tries to contact her using Asher's sending crystal before he heads to Skyhold. He ends up contacting all of Skyhold. (But Gwen's dad is trying to murder him so that can probably be forgiven.)
WHEN: Probably slightly backdated to a few days back. Timey-wimey
WHERE: Orlais; the Vauquelin estate
NOTES: Language. Dwarfing under the influence. Violence in the background.  Threadjacking totally allowed!

[Here's the thing: just because Yngvi took possession of Asher Hardie's sending crystal upon Asher's death (some one had to, since someone has to stay in Skyhold to honour the fact that Asher signed them up and Yngvi is the charming one okay, most suited to that legacy) that doesn't mean Yngvi knows how to use said sending crystal.

So what's meant to be a private message to one Gwenaëlle Vauquelin becomes horribly public.]

Gwenaëlle? Is this thing-- [Okay that is a lot of angry background noise? Does it sound Orlesian? It probably sounds Orlesian.

To some who know him it might sound alarmingly like Emeric Vauquelin actually. And the frantic scramblings of a dwarf.] So here's the thing, I stopped by to see your old man, avail myself of his legendary hospitality. He's in rude health. Just wondering if you wanted anything picked up? I've got the silverware and the best brandy. By the way, what's that really dark purple colour because it's my colour I look--

[There's a very loud crash, and a truly ear-piercing shriek from the dwarf on the other end of the sending crystal.] Sir! Sir I am changing!

[[ooc: Hello welcome to Yngvi's liveblog escape from the Vauquelin estate where Gwen's dad is going to eventually try to shoot him with a crossbow. He has this completely under control.]]]

Comments

[ombranera]

If there is a window you might wish to make a break for it.

[inagutterson]

Right, first off: this is really good brandy and it'll break. I'm a long way up. Second: you aren't Gwenaëlle.

[How did you get this number?!?]

[ombranera]

Are there no curtains or bed sheets with which to make a rope? You sound clever, I am certain you will think of something.

[ He crackles a soft laugh. ]

Ah, well. I have my ways.

[elegiaque]

I like that dress, Yngvi, you can have anything from the dressing room on the other side of the house, leave mine al--

What are you doing.

( in the tone of a woman who has just heard what she is saying out of her own mouth. )

[inagutterson]

I'm asking about the colour, I've got too much shoulder and not enough anything else for the bodice but I'd be the envy of every lady in the High Quarter. Brings out my cheekbones.

[There's more shouting, then some very determined hustling as he sets off again--

Okay back with you. Situation normal.]

Went to see your dad, took the scenic route back from the hold - you know how it is, feel like checking in on family. I'm hurt, he's not happy to see me.

[elegiaque]

The seamstress called it wine-dark but I do think she was being a bit pretentious.

( this is both delightful and also distressingly surreal. she isn't entirely sure which reaction to go with. is she going to be in trouble, maker's breath. )

--are you still near my rooms?

action is allowed in these things right /sweats

[goodforsaken]

[ oh hey, wherever gwen is she is about to be joined by a lex, who encounters here on the stairs and sits down on the next one up, expression like he really wishes he had a popcorn bucket the size of his entire upper torso. ]

How capable a man is he, your father?

[ because oh shit. ]

ofc

[elegiaque]

( gwenaëlle doesn't immediately register who it is that's joined her, slightly - understandably - preoccupied with whatever's happening on the other end of her crystal and answering somewhat automatically, worrying at her smallest finger with her teeth-- )

Yngvi's very fast.

( so, pretty capable. )

[rowancrowned]

[ elven popcorn.gif ]

I would be utterly enchanted to hear the story of how you met the Lady Gwenaëlle at a later date, assuming you survive the attentions of the Comte.

[elegiaque]

( very abruptly; )

No!

[rowancrowned]

Extremely enchanted. Enough to pledge a full bottle of wine and a meal for during the telling, was it- Yngvi?

[ now, he's curious about the masculine voice in the background. ]

I assume that is your father, my lady?

[inagutterson]

[Well he's going to give your weird tree the back of his hand so who's winning?]

What's that s'posed to mean, who are you, everything is fine, everything is absolutely-- [Something has been hurled at a door. That's what that very jarring thud in the background is.] Situation normal. The Comte is in rude health. Not that it's any of your business stranger.

[rowancrowned]

[ can he even reach tho??? ]

The tale seems like it would be entertaining, Thranduil, [ neatly pacing himself through the barrage of questions. ] and-- I consider it my business, when such a delightful thing is broadcast to all those with crystals.

There is a function for locking them to a single person, my friend.

[goodforsaken]

[ ...oh. ]

Yngvi--

Speaking in purely practical terms, if you die would I have to fight your brother for your trap making equipment?

[ this is the kind of friendship they have, right? right! try not to die though, lex would probably be as upset as he would about uh...anyone dying. which isn't saying much, but come on, with lex it's saying something. ]

[inagutterson]

[Could it--

Is it--

Oh yes it is!]

My good man! [As if this is a totally legit business deal and not, y'know, Emeric Vauquelin's fists of fury waiting to beat Yngvi to a pulp so he can be chopped up and made into dwarf steaks. (Somewhere in Orlais there is a rich person cannibal cult. We all know there is.)] Off the top of my head? Probably? I mean he's the alchemy guy but you know how it is with us, it's just in our nature to be that way. You could probably buy it off him though, he's the dim one.

[Gunnar is not here to speak for himself, Yngvi can be the charming one, the smart one, the handsome one, the dashing one, he can be the dwarf your man could smell like. If you're into hobo dwarf smell. Why would you be into that. It's going to take about a month to air out this estate thanks to him.]

[goodforsaken]

[ It is!! Time and space could only part them for so long. ]

You mean to say it's in your nature to fight everything in punching distance even when it's completely unnecessary? I'm positively incredulous.

[ Seriously though, now that he's finished dehydrating all of Skyhold: ]

Do try not to get yourself killed.

[gatheringstorm]

[You might be able to hear Korrin groaning from all the way over in Skyhold, but the sending crystal helps.]

'Rude health'. Andraste's tits, Yngvi. Haul ass! You are living to tell me the whole story later.

[inagutterson]

[Wow Korrin that's fucking rude you're meant to be his friend, stop being a dirty traitor. He'll name you Buzzkill and make sure it sticks, he's Carta, he has the power.]

Excuse me, are you mistaking me for that tit we call Mal Reynolds? Because I'm fucking brilliant and I have only ever almost died once which was his fault anyway.

[gatheringstorm]

And yet, Mal's not running around in a fucking mansion, risking his life for--silverware and brandy? Really?

[anacardiaceae]

[ Nothing helpful. Just some soft, snorting laughter. ]

[anacardiaceae]

[ Although a few moments later and the dwarf sounds like he's in...quite the bind. ]

If you manage to make it back to Skyhold...your wounds will be tended to.

If you manage to be arrested instead, do let us know.

[inagutterson]

I have never been arrested. That anyone can prove. [At this point Yngvi has had his face punched so his speech is slurred, and he's thrown up in--

Probably a priceless thing? But that was the brandy. Mostly. He thinks.]

What sort of tending? Tender tending or not-so-tender tending?

[el_tybs]

You're 'taking' silverware and brandy, and you thought it would be a good idea to change clothes and call everyone while someone is trying to... kill you?

[He's got that right, right? He doesn't know Orlesian, but that sounds like a very angry one yelling what he assumes are threats?]

[inagutterson]

Dog man? [Man dog?] Look for your information - not that it's any of your bloody business but I know you want to know because you were Asher's friend and I bet you fancied the arse off him, I'm that height, I see it all - but I tried it on. Over the armour. That purple was my colour, d'you know how rare chances are like that? No, you don't, because you dress like a bag lady.

[That is the worst sort of insult from Starkhaven, like just the worst, it's one of the few good things out of Starkhaven. They have quality insults.]

I didn't call everyone. I was calling my Lady then all of you just piled in because you're nosy gits. And her old man is letting everyone know that he's in rude health.

[Clearly.]

[el_tybs]

... Are you saying I fancied his ass or that he fancied me that much? Why am I even asking that? [Don't mind the last part, he's talking to himself. Why does he get himself pulled into these conversations?]

You couldn't have just taken the outfit and tried it on after? ... And I don't dress any worse then you.

And you completely did call everyone, or at least you did call me. I wouldn't have answered if you didn't.

[The old man does sound like he's in rude health.]