tonight on cops: thedas edition

[inagutterson]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Yngvi Congealedinagutterson. Yes that's his name
RECIPIENT: Unfortunately everyone.
WHAT: Yngvi goes to check in on Gwen's dad. He tries to contact her using Asher's sending crystal before he heads to Skyhold. He ends up contacting all of Skyhold. (But Gwen's dad is trying to murder him so that can probably be forgiven.)
WHEN: Probably slightly backdated to a few days back. Timey-wimey
WHERE: Orlais; the Vauquelin estate
NOTES: Language. Dwarfing under the influence. Violence in the background.  Threadjacking totally allowed!

[Here's the thing: just because Yngvi took possession of Asher Hardie's sending crystal upon Asher's death (some one had to, since someone has to stay in Skyhold to honour the fact that Asher signed them up and Yngvi is the charming one okay, most suited to that legacy) that doesn't mean Yngvi knows how to use said sending crystal.

So what's meant to be a private message to one Gwenaëlle Vauquelin becomes horribly public.]

Gwenaëlle? Is this thing-- [Okay that is a lot of angry background noise? Does it sound Orlesian? It probably sounds Orlesian.

To some who know him it might sound alarmingly like Emeric Vauquelin actually. And the frantic scramblings of a dwarf.] So here's the thing, I stopped by to see your old man, avail myself of his legendary hospitality. He's in rude health. Just wondering if you wanted anything picked up? I've got the silverware and the best brandy. By the way, what's that really dark purple colour because it's my colour I look--

[There's a very loud crash, and a truly ear-piercing shriek from the dwarf on the other end of the sending crystal.] Sir! Sir I am changing!

[[ooc: Hello welcome to Yngvi's liveblog escape from the Vauquelin estate where Gwen's dad is going to eventually try to shoot him with a crossbow. He has this completely under control.]]]

Comments

[el_tybs]

[A pause.]

I don't see how asking for some clarification counts as speaking ill of the deceased... though now I'm more confused. Are you saying he only put up with me because I... liked his ass?

[Don't get him wrong it was a great ass, but Sam isn't quite sure what Yngvi was talking about at this point.]

Alright [He wouldn't call working in the healing tents as slumming, but-] soooo... did you ask her if you had permission to put it on over your armor?

[inagutterson]

You haven't met some of Asher's flings. Like that one what wrote the books. I can only imagine that's why he kept Mal around though.

[Mal 'the plan is gonna go tits up' Reynolds.

But anyway, Gwenaelle? She is like royalty. Better than royalty. You are a gross doglord that now smells of fish and dog. He knows. He knows that Ostwick smell. Ostwick is a miserable fishy place. Of fish people. We've all watched LPs of Call of Cthulhu Sam. Fishmen of Innsmouth are the Fishfolk of Ostwick. These are facts.]

Wouldn't you like to know what goes on between interesting people like me and her.

[el_tybs]

Ah, the one that Asher had 'suggested' I go see. No, can't say I've met many of them. [Just one.

Actually he probably smells of sweat, herbs and smoke. Skyhold has been good to get rid of 'that fishy smell' as you call it.]

No. No not really. I just figure trying on stuff without permission is just as bad as just taking it, but- sounds like her father is getting closer.

[At least the yelling sounds a lot closer.]

[inagutterson]

Well if Asher recommended her then why haven't you been? Chop chop, off you go, I'll take you, I've got an in with her.

[Because what a ringing endorsement, coming from Yngvi as he hightails it out of an estate.]

Comte Vauquelin, stop getting so familiar, you don't know him, that's rude but I doubt they teach you manners in the Circle do they. They should've. [Yngvi please.] He's off doing a thing with his manservant. Do not--

[There's a distinct whistling sound through the air, and half a dozen nugs squeal.]

Take that the wrong way. His fists are better.

[el_tybs]

You'll take me?

[Coming from the dwarf who has threatened to put him down a well. He might be a little surprised and concerned.]

I didn't know he was a Comte or his last name so that's hardly about manners.

[You need to introduce people better Yngvi.]

... What way am I supposed to take that? [Because that seriously sounds like something there.]

[inagutterson]

Don't sound so surprised, I wasn't the one surrounded by people with brooms up my arses for half my life, I have connections.

[Look he has a lot of feelings, you can't be surprised by this Sam, keep up.]

How can you-- Don't you read her bulletins? I'm going to read them to you. Every day. Soon as they're out. [There's more that's meant to come but there's a lot of Orlesian shouting, and then Yngvi yells 'Stroganugg' and snaps the reins hard.]

Wow. D'you think I should stop for a bit and let this man try to hit me? Is that the gallant thing to do?

[el_tybs]

It's not the part about knowing people that has me asking...

[Having Yngvi introduce him to anyone sounds like a bad idea.]

No. That just sounds like you're mocking him.

[inagutterson]

Fuck you I'm the charming one in the Boneflayers, always was, always will be.

[He was trained to be charming.

By the Carta. Be afraid.]

You're not staring up at a grown man with a grown daughter, with his manservant, trying to load a crossbow, with his shirt open so it can billow in the night air. It's something out of a book here Sam, it's incredible, I'm spellbound, captivated. Like I should fall at his feet.

[Or he's drunk and concussed from the punch.]

[el_tybs]

Just surprised you'd want to help someone like me out.

[The dirty commoner with no manners remember?]

Captivated by his open shirt or that you're living a scene from a book?