tonight on cops: thedas edition

[inagutterson]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Yngvi Congealedinagutterson. Yes that's his name
RECIPIENT: Unfortunately everyone.
WHAT: Yngvi goes to check in on Gwen's dad. He tries to contact her using Asher's sending crystal before he heads to Skyhold. He ends up contacting all of Skyhold. (But Gwen's dad is trying to murder him so that can probably be forgiven.)
WHEN: Probably slightly backdated to a few days back. Timey-wimey
WHERE: Orlais; the Vauquelin estate
NOTES: Language. Dwarfing under the influence. Violence in the background.  Threadjacking totally allowed!

[Here's the thing: just because Yngvi took possession of Asher Hardie's sending crystal upon Asher's death (some one had to, since someone has to stay in Skyhold to honour the fact that Asher signed them up and Yngvi is the charming one okay, most suited to that legacy) that doesn't mean Yngvi knows how to use said sending crystal.

So what's meant to be a private message to one Gwenaëlle Vauquelin becomes horribly public.]

Gwenaëlle? Is this thing-- [Okay that is a lot of angry background noise? Does it sound Orlesian? It probably sounds Orlesian.

To some who know him it might sound alarmingly like Emeric Vauquelin actually. And the frantic scramblings of a dwarf.] So here's the thing, I stopped by to see your old man, avail myself of his legendary hospitality. He's in rude health. Just wondering if you wanted anything picked up? I've got the silverware and the best brandy. By the way, what's that really dark purple colour because it's my colour I look--

[There's a very loud crash, and a truly ear-piercing shriek from the dwarf on the other end of the sending crystal.] Sir! Sir I am changing!

[[ooc: Hello welcome to Yngvi's liveblog escape from the Vauquelin estate where Gwen's dad is going to eventually try to shoot him with a crossbow. He has this completely under control.]]]

Comments

[goodforsaken]

[ It is!! Time and space could only part them for so long. ]

You mean to say it's in your nature to fight everything in punching distance even when it's completely unnecessary? I'm positively incredulous.

[ Seriously though, now that he's finished dehydrating all of Skyhold: ]

Do try not to get yourself killed.

[inagutterson]

[The underforge is probably just weeping. Somehow. Skyhold is practically sentient, it just knows terrible things are going to happen.]

Sometimes it's eating, but he looks dry and I didn't want to bother the staff with making me a brandy sauce for him. Don't think my Lady would understand that one either.

[Yngvi did eat like all his siblings minus Gunnar. Who is possibly not a sibling as people would define a sibling. Carta is as Carta does.]

What's this with the no faith, thought everyone was singing about Andraste and her holy bits lalala holding hands. We took you in! Treated you like you were just some oddly spindly hairless child of ours, this is what happens, honestly.

[goodforsaken]

[ Lex actually tsk-tsk-tsks, because he is somehow a Victorian dandy when neither of those things exist. ]

Yngvi, Yngvi. You of all people should know I've never had any use for Andraste. Or faith, for that matter.

[ Like, he is so much more into dwarven 'religious' than ...you know, the dwarf with whom he is conversing actually ....is ....anyway. ]

I have confidence! Much more flattering.

[inagutterson]

Don't know, some of the big gold statues are probably worth a fair bit if you could get hold of them and melt them down for something more useful. Nipples on a breastplate and her face on codpieces, that'd be more useful.

[Lex no, that dwarven religion is garbage unless you're fleecing people out of money with it.

Not that Yngvi has done that.

He totally has.]

Then what's with the 'if you die'? You only ask that when someone's going to die. [Or is that just like Yngvi's upbringing where you eat the weak?]

[goodforsaken]

Psh, you'd be disappointed in me if I weren't prepared.

[ He doesn't like ....worship at altars or anything, he just thinks it makes more sense than an invisible guy and his witchy bride.

But really, continue fleecing; religion should be good for something. ]

You know, that was popular in Starkhaven a number of years back I heard. Andraste's face on codpieces.

[ oblique da2 ref i do what i fucking want ]

[inagutterson]

You know me so well, you're truly part of the family.

[Not that that is in any way a terrifying sort of thought.]

You know I saw a guy wearing one of those. Blinded me. I didn't think that's how I was supposed to see the Maker's light but that's what happens when you let the Starkhaveners into Kirkwall as well as the doglords and the worst sort of Orlesians.

[According to the great brain of Yngvi that makes sense. He was in Kirkwall, selling legit fingerbones.

Well, they looked like fingerbones when he was done. People are stupid and will buy anything if you say they'll restore a man's fire okay.]

[goodforsaken]

Maker forbid.

[ He's loling though, and considering all the feelings on the Maker Lex doesn't have, that's the ironic 'shit I'm having an emotion' kind of ~forbidding he just has to do so no one thinks he thinks family of any kind would be nice or anything. Yngvi knows better, but he won't tell anyone. ]

Now, now. What do you have against Starkhaven? Besides 'everything worthwhile.'

[inagutterson]

That chump that blinded everyone and fired arrows. Heard he took up with the doglord and pals.

[Which about says it all. Everyone knows Yngvi's feelings - his actual 'I did have a feeling once it was terrible' - on what it was like having food taken out of his mouth by the doglords and that was with Asher's income in his pocket too so.

Yeah.]

Who puts fish and egg in a pie together and thinks 'yes, good work all round chaps'.

[goodforsaken]

The doglord's memory still plaguing you?

[ Why shouldn't they be having this conversation while Ynvgi runs for his life, by the way. ]

Along with fish and egg pie, it seems.

[inagutterson]

Fitting, since doglords are a pla--

[And he has to combat roll away.

Knocking over some priceless bust from the clatter. It's an improvement, seriously.]

We put jellyfish in the pies once, at a party. That was a good time but you don't notice much change in the dispos-- [okay that's too big a word half-cut with a concussion, post-combat rolling into Orlesian decor] in the Starkhaven-ness of a Starkhavener. They're always prickly and miserable gits.