24 May 2017 @ 02:34 pm
FORM: sending crystal
SENDER: Val de Foncé
RECIPIENT: E V E R Y O N E
WHAT: researchers, meet your new boss. everyone else, give Val a high five. applications for Research Secretary now being collected.
WHEN: right now
WHERE: your ears

Research, Inquisition. [Hail and well met my dudes Val is still Orlesian. Note the accent.] If this word does not thrill you as it does me, we have very little to speak of. In fact we may not have spoken at all. In Val Royeaux, at the University, I and my friends are well known for all of the research that we have contributed to the vast stores of knowledge that are contained within our much beloved and greatly venerated University.

And I am pleased now to inform you, Inquisition, that I have been made Head of Research for this very organization that we all name as our own. A very wise choice. There are so very few that possess my credentials, experience, and charm. It is my belief that we, as a division, shall far surpass the work of all other divisions. For our purpose is not only superior: it is clearer, too.

[In a more serious tone, now:] To those lucky enough to be working on research projects for the Inquisition, I am requesting that all work you have amassed on each topic be put into the fires and burned. [And a pause before, more cheerfully:] No! Do not do that. What I mean is, we start anew, together. But you must submit your work to me for a metaphorical burning. I shall burn it with my critique. I require at the very least a written proposal for the work you are conducting. If a project has begun, let us visit it together.

I shall also require a secretary. Chief duties for this position will be, of course, reading project proposals. Please, make an introduction and submit your credentials to me in my office forthwith. You need not be a member of our research efforts, but you must have a keen interest in reading terrible handwriting.

[And generally doing all the work but that part remains unsaid.]

And! To those that might contest my selection, I shall quote the translation of a rustic proverb found engraved upon the wall of Orzammar, taught to me by my very dear Baroness Frédérique: may a demon eat your arse.
 
 
10 May 2017 @ 08:46 pm
FORM: Sending Crystals
SENDER: Diana Prince
RECIPIENT: you poor unfortunate souls
WHAT: Diana finds a fight club and it goes about as well as can be expected.
WHEN: nowish
WHERE: Low Town
NOTES: I am a Serious RPer,

[ Here is the voice of a woman that may be familiar to some as that strange dark haired Rifter who punched a demon a month ago and to others that strange dark haired woman who's been running courier jobs and fighting in allies when she isn't working basic labor for the Inquisition.  Surprisingly, she does not sound like someone who would do either of those things. ]

I can not say I've learned as much of this land as I would have liked in my relatively short time here.  However, very recently, two things have become abundantly clear to me.

One; if a suspicious person offers you something too good to be true, it is most certainly a trap.  I knew this one already, but it's a comfort to know this is a truth that transcends dimensions.

Two; in following the suspicious person to investigate, it is important to remember one's own limitations and plan accordingly.

For instance, if one suddenly finds themselves in an underground cage match, it's prudent to bring something to wear that is not easily destroyed.  Further, taking the literal high road is not always the best course of action when one's opponents is firing sheets of ice at you.

[ She sounds largely unperturbed for a woman who's currently frozen to a rooftop.]

If one of you wouldn't mind finding another spare set of trousers, I'd be very grateful.
 
 
03 May 2017 @ 08:51 pm
FORM: Sending Crystal
SENDER: Wren Coupe
RECIPIENT: All y'all
WHAT: Vital questions
WHEN: Now-ish
WHERE: Near, far, wherever you are
NOTES: There will be prizes.


Indulge me: The best advice you have received. Explain why, if you choose.


 
 
03 May 2017 @ 02:59 pm
FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Simon Ashlock
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Just imagine the strains of the Thedosian equivalent of "Don't Stop Believin'" playing in the background.
WHEN: Present
WHERE: Kirkwall
NOTES: Not necessarily meant to lead to anything.


[There's an intermittent tapping noise, as if Simon is trying to ascertain whether the crystal is working. He still doesn't trust this newfangled magitech. Eventually, he just goes for it.]

...yes, hello. [Awesome start, buddy.] For anyone who's interested, or was a part of it, I recall seeing some advertisements around Skyhold for...a choir, I guess it was. A secular choir, more of a club really. The, uh... [Cough.] "Sing-quisition."

Is that still on? It sounded like a nice idea, and if there isn't a new meeting place for it here in Kirkwall, I was thinking we ought to find one.

I wouldn't be averse to thinking up a new name, either, if none of the original members are coming back, but one thing at a time.
 
 
30 April 2017 @ 08:44 pm
FORM: sending crystal
SENDER: Cullen Rutherford
RECIPIENT: errybody
WHAT: looking for an assistant, perhaps more than one
WHEN: now
WHERE: Kirkwall

NOTES: You don't have to take this seriously. Feel free to mock him and his obvious lack of experience in this matter. You can also feel free to have your character apply for the job even if you don't want them to have it.

[The voice being broadcast is tired. Not just in a didn't-sleep-well-last-night way, but in a constantly-flirting-with-exhaustion way. He doesn't particularly want to be doing this, but Gwen makes some excellent points.]

Good morning, everyone. This is Commander Rutherford, with... I suppose you'd call it a job opening. Keeping on top of everything that needs doing now that we've settled ourselves here is proving to be more work than expected. I'm looking for an assistant, someone to assist with the day to day tasks here, help coordinate with our members and the locals, and just generally... help.

[Help. No, seriously, help. He has no idea what he's doing.]
 
 
30 April 2017 @ 07:25 pm
FORM: Sending Crystal
SENDER: Zevran
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Zevran needs a few extra hands to finish a project
WHEN: Current
WHERE: Kirkwall
NOTES: Zevran is a living content warning for Adult themes and language, tread with caution.


Members of the Inquisition and, I suppose, friends of the same- I've a request. Or rather a list of requests that I will happily reward any that come to me with what it is I ask. Now a few may seem strange or arbitrary or potentially humiliating to retrieve and you are welcome to use your discretion as to whether or not you would wish to help me, but I assure you- even the strangest of these is vital in some way. [ Can you hear the deep, dripping sincerity in his voice inquisition? No? Good! No fool you. ] Those that choose these things and bring them? Shall be rewarded handsomely.

A pink rooster
Three wheels of hard cheese in differing sizes
A razor with an ebony handle
A gown large enough for a male Qunari, preferably in purple.
A three legged goat
A jar of pitch
Two kegs of ale
Five jars of wild honey
Six hairs from the head of a bastard twin
An ornate teapot
A set of lacy smallclothes, preferably in gold or off white, I am not picky in this.
Silver windchimes
A bouquet of blue flowers with red thorns
And lastly: Three copies of the latest Randy Dowager Quarterly.

I can be found in The Hanged man and shall, as promised, pay handsomely for any that find me with items from this list- or if you are feeling both inventive and eager- you may bring me something similar to what is on this list and I shall pay you for your efforts none the less.
 
 
13 April 2017 @ 04:08 pm
FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Oghren
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Are the crystals meant for important things? Then why did you give one to Oghren?
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Kirkwall
NOTES: Oghren is his own content warning.


[The message opens up with the mother of all belches. Did he mean to do that? Probably. This is Oghren. Besides, he has your attention now, right? That means it served a purpose so he'll go with it.]

So everyone's been in a mood with this Kirkwall business. All that grumbling and brooding about. Not good for the health, if you ask me.

[One second. He's gotta take a drink. And that noise you might hear is the tavern. Because he's taking a break for drinks okay. That's allowed.]

Alright, here's what we're going to do. We're going to play a sodding game for some laughs. It works like this. I start off and I tell two truths and then one big bleeding lie. Then you guess which the lie is. Get it right and then it's your turn to give me two truths and a lie.

Sound good? Alright then let's see here... Ah wait hang on...

[LOUD FART.]

Ahhhh. Better. Here we go. One time I was in a hurry and rushed out wearing only my girl's drawers. Another time there was a bronto that tried to make me its mate. And another time I spent a night with a bunch of nugs that left food for me when I woke up.

Go on then. Which one is the lie? Game is open to everyone.
 
 
09 January 2017 @ 07:02 pm
FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Alistair
RECIPIENT: Everybody
WHAT: More important questions.
WHEN: Todayish
WHERE: A crystal near YOU!
NOTES: Nah.



Politics aside - is that possible? Can we do that? I have faith in you, all of you -

[ Getting off topic there Alistair. ]

Politics aside, [ Alistair's voice continues, with scolding emphasis aimed at himself, ] who wears skirts better, do you think? Mages or Templars?

[ xoxo ]
 
 
07 January 2017 @ 04:57 pm
FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Kas
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: A young man's view on battle
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Skyhold


It's been a little over a year since I got here. I guess... that makes it a little over a year since all this shit happened and the Herald died and everything went to shit.

I know we've been closing rifts and killing red templars and Vena-whatchamacallit, but when are we gonna go fight the cause of all this? That darkspawn guy. Corypheus.

Everything just seems to be betting worse, after all. What if something happens that cannot be reversed just because we're busy throwing balls and sucking up to nobles?
 
 
14 December 2016 @ 12:19 am
FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Jim Kirk
RECIPIENT: Anyone/Everyone
WHAT: Show and Tell! (Or Share and tell?)
WHEN: 14 Firstfall
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Ridiculousness?


So, I was thinking about this other day, but the calendar that is used here in Thedas is matched pretty well with the one we use on my home world - Earth. And right around this time we have a lot of celebrations, but one of the most prominent is called Christmas.

Now with Christmas comes a lot of different festivities and little traditions, and in an effort to help everyone learn a bit more about at least one of the Rifter Worlds, and probably several others that share the same holiday, I decided I would share some. Especially after seeing one of your native plants recently. It reminded me of one on my world called mistletoe - and it does something pretty fun around Christmas time.

The tradition is that you take a bunch of mistletoe and you hang it in places like doorways or where people might naturally gather, and if two people end up standing together under the mistletoe...

[ Dramatic pause is dramatic. ]

You have to kiss.