therookery | [ OPEN ] Inquisition's Hot or Hot DAMN

FORM:Sending Crystal / Posted copy to the bulletin board
SENDER: Zevran Arainai
RECIPIENT: All
WHAT: The Inquisition is full of stupidly pretty people. This bears discussing.
WHEN: Current
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Respectful oogling, language, and adult content.

I think the time has come to ask a very serious question of the Inquisition. Is it just me or is Skyhold full to bursting with ridiculously sexy individuals? We have statuesque Qunari, lithe Dalish, voluptuous Dwarves, Humans in every glorious shade, size, and shape- and every last one of them incredibly attractive. I had thought to myself- 'Zevran, the Inquisition must be turning away those with less than appealing faces' but no. Handsome men and gorgeous women all. I have tried to list out names and rate them but, alas, there are too many even for I to form an opinion.

Too many gorgeous people. Is that not a marvelous problem to have?

And so I turn to you, my fellow members of the Inquisition. I ask for your aid because I simply cannot keep up with all the lovely people on my own. From a scale of "I would have them tomorrow" to "I would have them right now", how would you rate the beautiful people of Skyhold?

In the interest of fairness- if you name a name? You must list what of them you find terribly attractive- what of them drives you to the point of distraction. I shall go first!

Dorian Pavus - If there is anyone here that might, and I do mean might possibly be prettier than me? It is Dorian. Have you seen him? How can anyone look upon that man and not be at least a little enchanted, if not enthralled? Those smoldering eyes, that sultry voice, the teasing mustache; he I would have right now should he wish.

Merrill - What can I say? She is an utter delight in every possible way- fine boned and sweet, under that innocent smile I promise there is a terribly naughty mind just waiting to be unleashed. Her as well I would have in a heartbeat were I not afraid for my life due to the protective nature of some of her friends.

Knight-Captain Maria - The allure of a dutiful woman is beyond measuring. Her skill in battle, that wry humor, her devotion- I am certain under that templar armor there is a body that would bring many a man and woman to their knees in worship. She? I would have in an hour as I am certain it would take that long to get her out of the armor.

Taashath - I would climb the man like a tree- I have climbed the man like a tree. Those broad shoulders, that rack, his voice, the way his muscles ripple- Maker just recounting the things of him that I find alluring has me a little distracted, I apologize. Reshaping the friendly shores indeed. There is a delightful danger to him- and as such I would have him within an hour, for being made ready takes about that long.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Define 'bootylicious' because this? This is a word that I feel as though I have been missing my whole life and it has been lesser for it.

So you've got the booty, and it's delicious, therefore bootylicious. Usually reserved for ladies and also general people packing a lot in the rear or who can super shake it with hips like damn, but I feel she's still a perfectly good candidate to use that word with.

I am stealing this word. This is a fantastic word.

Glad to be of service. I have no idea if this is going to fuck something up, teaching you people some of my alternate future universe slang, but eh, what can appreciating a good ass hurt?

That is exactly what I have been saying for years. You are a man after my own heart- tell me; are there any other turns of phrase for appreciating women that come to mind?

Would you believe it if I say I'm not the guy on my team with the most expertise on this area? Man, if ever my buddy Tucker falls out of a hole in the sky, you and he would get along just fine. I mean, I'm not sure if he's ever managed to see a real live woman naked before, but still.

That is not exactly a ringing endorsement of your friend.

Didn't say he was a good guy to give a ringing endorsement to.

...Are you saying I have a large rear end?

Wh- no! I'm just saying I like your ass!

I mean! Shit! Uh! I mean it's true, and I also like your everything else, I mean obviously, I mean of course, and uh...

[ Church, you're lucky she's drunk right now. ]

Well... all right. As long as it is not fat.

Oh my god. I am not that suicidal. Even if you did have particularly large rear, which you do not, I wouldn't say it to your face where you could hear.

But it's still a nice one. Attached to a nice...everything.

I do have a rather nice everything, don't I?

[ She may just be checking her reflection in her wine glass. ]

You absolutely do. Definitely a nice everyth--are you drunk right now?

I may have indulged a little.

[ A pause. ]

More than a little.

[ OPEN ] Inquisition's Hot or Hot DAMN

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