Who let him have a crystal?

[wardeneructate]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Oghren
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Are the crystals meant for important things? Then why did you give one to Oghren?
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Kirkwall
NOTES: Oghren is his own content warning.

[The message opens up with the mother of all belches. Did he mean to do that? Probably. This is Oghren. Besides, he has your attention now, right? That means it served a purpose so he'll go with it.]

So everyone's been in a mood with this Kirkwall business. All that grumbling and brooding about. Not good for the health, if you ask me.

[One second. He's gotta take a drink. And that noise you might hear is the tavern. Because he's taking a break for drinks okay. That's allowed.]

Alright, here's what we're going to do. We're going to play a sodding game for some laughs. It works like this. I start off and I tell two truths and then one big bleeding lie. Then you guess which the lie is. Get it right and then it's your turn to give me two truths and a lie.

Sound good? Alright then let's see here... Ah wait hang on...

[LOUD FART.]

Ahhhh. Better. Here we go. One time I was in a hurry and rushed out wearing only my girl's drawers. Another time there was a bronto that tried to make me its mate. And another time I spent a night with a bunch of nugs that left food for me when I woke up.

Go on then. Which one is the lie? Game is open to everyone.

Comments

[justice_is_blond]

It's the nugs, because that's the one that isn't sexual.

[wardeneructate]

Heh. You sure about that, Sparkles?

[justice_is_blond]

No, but that's why it's called a guess.

[wardeneructate]

So that's the one you're picking huh?

[He might be bluffing. Or he might be really amused that Anders picked a truth. Such is the beauty of the crystals. ANDERS CAN'T SEE HIS FACE.]

[justice_is_blond]

Are you going to tell me if I'm right or wrong, or are you going to continue taunting me?

[el_tybs]

...And what if you guess wrong?

[wardeneructate]

Guess you'll have to try again and live with the fact that you messed up.

[el_tybs]

I'm pretty sure I can live with myself if that happens. So there isn't any 'punishment' for actually getting it wrong?

[wardeneructate]

Punishment, huh?

[He hadn't thought about that one... What can he...do... Wait. This alcohol in front of him is a good idea.]

Every time you get one wrong you have to take a swig of ale when we're face to face sometime. Same goes for me.

[Ta-da! Drinking game! He's so clever.]

[wardeneructate]

Heh. Got it wrong, Sparkles.

[See, he can be clever and knows people are figuring out how his brain works!]

[justice_is_blond]

That's the end of the game, then?

[wardeneructate]

Course not. I came up with the idea that now I keep track of how many swigs of alcohol you get to drink the next time we see each other.

So guess again. You got one on your tab.

[Anders...you are due to be so wasted.]

[byblow]

The one about your girl's drawers. If you were in that much of a hurry I don't see why you'd put on drawers at all.

[wardeneructate]

Heh. That's right. Not even if we were roleplaying.

[He's had an adventurous sex life okay.]

That makes it your turn. Give me your best shot and we'll see if you're a decent liar.

[el_tybs]

[Honestly he had thought this was a drinking game and couldn't figure where the drinking happened.]

Face to face... alright.

[Sam doesn't try to hide the grin on his face considering no one could see him.]

Hm. The one about the drawers then.

[wardeneructate]

Got that one right. Now you give me some and I'll figure out the lie. Let's see if old Oghren can see how good you are at this.

[He laughs a bit as he has himself a drink. Seriously he's not bothered by the fact that he might have to drink his weight later. It'll be worth it.]

[justice_is_blond]

As long as it doesn't taste horrific. And all right. The bronto, then, because you've no shame so running out in someone else's underthings would be nothing new.

[judgemewhole]

I am not playing any game with you, dwarf, that involves alcohol. I still don't know why so many people have complimented me on my fine singing voice and I have a feeling after the fourth bottle you may have had a hand in it.

[So. Hung. Over. Oghren.]

[wardeneructate]

I've got some good stuff. We'll drink that.

And that's two swigs you're taking, Sparkles.

[wardeneructate]

Thought about making one of these crystal message things while you were singing so everyone could know. It was a good show.

[You can hear his shit eating grin.]

[judgemewhole]

Are we quite certain you are not a demon? I think you might be a demon. A Drunk Demon, if there is such a thing.

[Narrowed eyes at you. So narrowed.]

[wardeneructate]

[Weird how he can see those eyes and he can't even see your face.]

Sounds about right. Oghren the Drunk Demon.

[judgemewhole]

I'm going to smite you. Probably over the head with one of your ale bottles.

[That's what Templars do. Not usually with ale bottles though....]

[wardeneructate]

Well you could try but I've got a hard head. Probably just end up hurting yourself to do it.

[He laughs a bit.]

So what do you want to bet if you lose if not alcohol?

[limier]

Very well. As yours have been seen to —

I used to collect mice to feed the turtle in our pond. I once caused a small public fire in Val Royeaux.

And: I have been betrayed, most grievously, by a Warden of note.