Who let him have a crystal?

[wardeneructate]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Oghren
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Are the crystals meant for important things? Then why did you give one to Oghren?
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Kirkwall
NOTES: Oghren is his own content warning.

[The message opens up with the mother of all belches. Did he mean to do that? Probably. This is Oghren. Besides, he has your attention now, right? That means it served a purpose so he'll go with it.]

So everyone's been in a mood with this Kirkwall business. All that grumbling and brooding about. Not good for the health, if you ask me.

[One second. He's gotta take a drink. And that noise you might hear is the tavern. Because he's taking a break for drinks okay. That's allowed.]

Alright, here's what we're going to do. We're going to play a sodding game for some laughs. It works like this. I start off and I tell two truths and then one big bleeding lie. Then you guess which the lie is. Get it right and then it's your turn to give me two truths and a lie.

Sound good? Alright then let's see here... Ah wait hang on...

[LOUD FART.]

Ahhhh. Better. Here we go. One time I was in a hurry and rushed out wearing only my girl's drawers. Another time there was a bronto that tried to make me its mate. And another time I spent a night with a bunch of nugs that left food for me when I woke up.

Go on then. Which one is the lie? Game is open to everyone.

Comments

[byblow]

The one about your girl's drawers. If you were in that much of a hurry I don't see why you'd put on drawers at all.

[wardeneructate]

Heh. That's right. Not even if we were roleplaying.

[He's had an adventurous sex life okay.]

That makes it your turn. Give me your best shot and we'll see if you're a decent liar.

[byblow]

I'm not. Everyone knows I'm not.

[wardeneructate]

Guess you'll be putting lots of drinks on your tab then.

[byblow]

All right. Fine. Give me a minute.

[ Not a full minute. A few seconds. Long enough to have a BRILLIANT IDEA. ]

The Warden-Constable in Orlais for my first five years never once called me by my name, only Tiger and Champ and Killer. I was born in Redcliffe. And I've eaten raw nug meat.

[wardeneructate]

Huh. Guess I'll pick that first one. Not sure if that one would be true. Then again, can't say I've been to Orlais to know what the Wardens there are like either.