A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[degenere]

The last time I was in Rivain, I was chased out. So I don't know that I can in good faith agree with your assessment of her people.

The rest, you have the right of. And it is all pleasant! But... what is the word? Expected.

[serannas]

[ That makes her laugh. ]

And what did you do to get chased out?

[ Because, bro, she does not believe they weren't provoked. ]

[aventuriere]

Nothing! We were merely in pursuit of knowledge, as dedicated scholars must always be.

But it was not really the true Rivainis themselves who chased us, Val, I am not sure they should bear the blame for this.

[serannas]

Ah.

[ As someone who is doing this whole "pursing knowledge" thing, she has a guess. They sound like fancy Orlesians, and fancy Orlesian never think the rules apply to them. ]

Whoever they were, they probably had issues with your approach.

[degenere]

To the contrary. I have a very gentle approach. Freddie is a walking dream. What's more, she can walk on stilts, but so quietly you would never hear her. She's done it to me. I loved it.

And Jehan is so very handsomely holy, everyone quite falls down when they see him. Moved to devotion. And swooning.

[serannas]

And how do I know I can take your claim on good faith? [ She sounds amused. ] You say you have a gentle approach, but the only ones who can verify that are your friends who were there, who I would call biased.

[aventuriere]

Madam, we are scholars, experts at dispassionate observation and faithful reporting. We are most certainly not biased. The people of Rivain only ran in that crowd, Val, because the Qunari were running behind them! I'm sure they did not know what they were doing.

[degenere]

Ah, yes. The Qunari. I'm not sure how I forgot them, they were quite present.

And, you see, mademoiselle? You can trust these opinions and affidavits. We are scholars. And I don't think that Freddie likes me very much.

[serannas]

And yet you all say Orlais is your favorite. By that very admission, wouldn't you say you carry some bias, try as you might to stay impartial as scholars?

[degenere]

Not toward me, I assure you.

In travel, they always force me to sleep in the stables. But first we make a show of drawing straws and things. A jest.

[aventuriere]

This is not true, Valentine! It is hardly our fault that Jeannot is best beloved of Andraste and I am so terribly lucky. We cannot control these things!

[degenere]

Such charmed lives.

[apologist]

Andraste does not interfere in the drawing of straws. I am only very good at it.

[degenere]

Such charmed lives.

[serannas]

How does that happen?

[degenere]

Because--

[In a monotone:] Jeannot is best beloved of Andraste and Freddie is so terribly lucky.

[serannas]

[ At least she doesn't laugh this time. ]

And you are the most self-sacrificing of the three, to never kick up a fuss.

[degenere]

If anyone should be best beloved by Andraste, it should be me.

[aventuriere]

Mere agreement on one question hardly indicates bias, madame. Why scholars do it all the time, as often as they disagree. How should l'académie ever function if we were not allowed to agree?

[serannas]

You should agree on facts, yes. I'm speaking of opinion. You can't convince me that picking a favorite is a fact. It's just something that's personal to you. There's nothing wrong with that, but it is if you're saying as scholars that Orlais is best.

[aventuriere]

Favorites, no! Of course, favorites are mere opinion, on that we agree.

But if you wish to speak of fact instead, it is surely fact that Orlais is the best for scholars. What other country has such a university? No larger or more dedicated community of scholars exists and none but the Empress have devoted such resources to studies for the betterment of the nation and, indeed, all of Thedas.

[serannas]

Well, I'm not very familiar with the universities throughout Thedas, so that's something I can't really confirm or deny.

Though I know someone who attended the University of Orlais for a time. He took mathematics.

[aventuriere]

Val is being modest, there is plenty of swooning when he is seen as well. At least some of it for good reasons.

[ A little quieter, like an aside: ] Should I have brought my stilts, do you think? Do they have such a thing here?

[degenere]

We will have new stilts made for you. Newer, and finer. With gilded feet. If they do not have such things, they will now.

[degenere]

There were a few Rivanis among them! There were a great many old women in that mob. Rivanis.