A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[degenere]

If anyone should be best beloved by Andraste, it should be me.

[serannas]

[ Still trying not to laugh. ]

Is it really her way to favor certain followers over others?

[degenere]

It certainly seems to be. For I always end up in the stables.

Not that I mind. I love the horses.

[serannas]

Do you have one of your own?

[degenere]

But of course. A magnificent stallion of particular temperament, called Voila.

[serannas]

[ She never should have doubted a fancy Orlesian has his own horse. ]

I'm sure he appreciates you sleeping close by.

[degenere]

Mostly he appreciates apples.

[serannas]

Well that too. I don't know a horse who doesn't.

[degenere]

But most learn to love the hand, and the owner of that hand too, non? Voila does love me best. But his love is a tempestuous thing. Like a sea at storm.

[serannas]

I take it that means he tries to throw you off his back sometimes?

[degenere]

Oh, never. He is agreeable as long as he is in motion. He loves movement more than he loves apples.

It's the kicking that reminds me of being at sea during a storm. If kicked hard enough, you vomit the same, you see.

[serannas]

Ah, right. I haven't necessarily been kicked, but I know what you mean. I've been across the Waking Sea.

[ And was seasick too. ]

[degenere]

Then you know full well. After a day, the feeling might subside, but before that, the world seems so small and painful a place.

And this is how he treats the one he loves. To his enemies, he is a demon.

[And isn't that great :,) ]

[serannas]

[ Yeah............................... great. ]

I guess that's a good way to make sure no one steals your horse.

[degenere]

Yes.

That, and the curse.

[serannas]

Ah. Of course.

[ And he obviously wants to tell a story, so why not? ]

So what is this curse that lies on your horse?

[degenere]

Truly, it was a curse meant for me--which is, I think, why he is affected so strangely. Have you ever been to Nevarra?

[serannas]

Not yet, no. You were almost cursed by a Nevarran?

[degenere]

Most assuredly. You will have heard of the Grand Necropolis, yes? When you visit Nevarra, you must be sure never to go near that place, no matter what tales you have heard.

I dare say no more. But it was terrible.

[He will probably say more. And he sounds a little too thrilled to have been truly terrified.]

[serannas]

You don't want me to visit the most famous place in all Nevarra? Well, you had better tell me what happened there.

[degenere]

As the lady wishes.

[A pause, perhaps for dramatic effect.]

We touched a mummy.

[serannas]

You touched a preserved body? Why did you do that?

[ Not that she's judging. It wasn't so long ago that she swiped a staff off a century-plus year old Tevinter corpse. ]

[degenere]

Why does anyone do anything?

[serannas]

Many reasons. Obviously you want me to say "curiosity" or the "pursuit of knowledge," but there's also survival and desperation. People do things for those reasons too.

[ Believe her: she's a Dalish elf. She knows all about the latter. ]

[degenere]

All possible answers, to be sure. And how do you know that I did not touch the preserved corpse out of desperation? Or, more likely--on a dare?

It felt very strange, by the way. Quite dry. To taste it would have been the better challenge, but unfortunately...

[Very Serious.]