A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[serannas]

Many reasons. Obviously you want me to say "curiosity" or the "pursuit of knowledge," but there's also survival and desperation. People do things for those reasons too.

[ Believe her: she's a Dalish elf. She knows all about the latter. ]

[degenere]

All possible answers, to be sure. And how do you know that I did not touch the preserved corpse out of desperation? Or, more likely--on a dare?

It felt very strange, by the way. Quite dry. To taste it would have been the better challenge, but unfortunately...

[Very Serious.]

[serannas]

[ He sounds utterly insane, in the way only a person with too much time on their hands and a disposable income can. ]

Unfortunately someone stopped you from messing with the bodies they so carefully preserved for future use.

[degenere]

[Maybe this is one of those you-had-to-be-there things.]

But what use, specifically! We will never know! Because you have hit upon it: unfortunately is certain the word to be used here. It was unfortunate to be chased so prematurely from our study. A few sketches and samplings only, and then it was militant force that drove us out. We scarcely escaped with our lives. Freddie had an eyebrow burned. For weeks, she had but one eyebrow. It caught on as a fashion, of course, but her face grew cold on one side and she took a little ill.

And it was as I was helping Jeannot to flee that the curse was nearly put upon me: the curse of temperament.

[serannas]

And now your horse is affected?

[degenere]

Mademoiselle.

He stepped in front of me.

[serannas]

I'm sure that surprised the curse caster.

[degenere]

It did! Can you imagine? Especially as we were only just fleeing. Barely outdoors and a horse was there.

Now, it is my belief that a curse must be mitigated by the density of the target. What would have turned me to darkest bitterness only soured Voila's temper this little--not evil, but not of a sweet nature--because of course he is much larger than I am, non, with thicker hide.

[serannas]

I can see that being the case. It's good that your horse is otherwise all right, and it sounds like quite the adventure.

[degenere]

It is but one of many. And how kind of you to say. I will tell Voila you have spoken kindly of him. He is sure to appreciate the sentiment, though how he will express this to you, I fear to think.

[serannas]

I'll just keep my distance and assume he's very thankful. How about that?

[degenere]

A wise decision. I should not want any harm to come to you, especially not harm that was won from your kindness.

[serannas]

[ She wonders if he'd still be saying that if he knew she was an elf. Not that some Orlesians aren't nice, but it's hard to know from one conversation. ]

You can just keep me updated on how he does. Until then, I think I'll let you go to gather more answers.

[degenere]

Your thoughtfulness does you credit. We are gathering a great deal--and learning admittedly little. But it was a pleasure to hold this conversation, at least. You have my thanks, too, mademoiselle.

[Also not something he'd be saying to an elf but, whatever!]