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[degenere]

FORM: sending crystal
SENDER: Val de Foncé (and with him, as always, is Jehan Mercier)
RECIPIENT: e v e r y o n e
WHAT: the scholars of Orlais have something to say.
WHEN: now, right now
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: aren't they charming.


Inquisition, we are confused.

[Melodious, Orlesian, flirtatious (somehow even in this most simple of sentences): these are three words one might use to describe the sound of Val's voice. It makes confused sound kind of fun, if a bit puzzling.]

My friend and I have come all this way to be an asset to you. And now we have arrived here, to your Skyhold, and we find so much to be in want. How have you all managed so far, with these conditions? I am a man used to the roughness of a camp, a life of travel. I love this life. You'll find no one loves it more than me. But a camp, that is one thing, and this? It is meant to be a city, of a sort. Yet there is no apartment for us. There is barely a work space, in your library--we have been, my friend and I. We have seen the conditions. There is barely a book there.

I am sorry for you, Inquisition.

[So sincere. A pause, in which he has pressed a hand to his chest, in a deep show of pity. And then, briskly, cheerfully:]

But we will not leave you there, in sorrow. The good news. You now have, among your numbers, me. An introduction: Valentine de Foncé, a master architect, among many other masteries, too numerous to name. If you ask sweetly, I'll tell you them all. If you ask very sweetly, I'll give demonstration. And for the Inquisition, I will offer my services, and my knowledge--and so, too, does my friend. If only so we can get a decent space in which we can do our work. And believe me: you want this. We have arrived to be your greatest blessing.

Now, tell me. With business sorted: what does anyone do for fun around here?

Comments

[universal_charm]

_{[ He doesn't like you, but he really wishes he had popcorn right now. ]}

No, no I'm not. I'm James Tiberius Kirk.

[degenere]

Historically it has been the Qunari who have a problem with me. As is evident by the immediate offense that you took to my question which was, if you look at it again, incredibly benign. After all, I said 'disfigured or one of the Qunari'. Not and. A critical conjunction.

[degenere]

Very easily. I wouldn't. You skinned a Great High Dragon. You have heard, I hope, of cattle? They have a wonderful hide. Perfect for leatherwork. I realize that the Inquisition has made its home in this, how do you say, roofless shithole, but I would have thought that its members would know of cattle.

Maker's arse.

[issala]

I have a problem with people who judge just because you're not human. What does my race have to do with anything?

[el_tybs]

[He's pretty sure Commander Cullen is the only one without a roof, but not really important at the moment.]

Are you suggesting that we should have just left the body there and did nothing with it? We're not hunting dragons for the fun of it, but we are certainly going to use whatever resources that become available.

[fourscores]

The House does lay people to rest, simply in a more permanent fashion. Of course, they did raise me, so I suppose it's entirely possible I have some bias.

[degenere]

I'm sorry.

[Sorry for the mistake is one way to interpret that response; sorry for the name is another. But Val does not linger to leave the window of thought open for very long.]

But, very well, then. I am further incapacitated by my lack of knowledge in this field. My experience with disease and healing has been of the emergency sort. I'll assume, though, that the syndrome causes addled wits. Your implication toward Jehan would otherwise not make sense. I don't think I will ask for a yes or no on that one, I am too certain that it is loosely correct.

Transmission of the syndrome. It's something to be caught--yes or no?

[degenere]

Well, for starters, it helps to explain the horns.

[degenere]

Of course not. If a Grand High Dragon had to be killed--and I find this very hard to believe, that you were driven to slaughter by complete and absolute and direst necessity--but if she had to be killed, I would not have chopped her into pieces for consumption and leather.

I would have studied her.

[And to underscore his point, he repeats, with disdain:] Leather. Barbarous.

[degenere]

'Final Repose' would be more accurate, then, yes? 'Last Repose'. 'House of Repose in Your Grave, Cairn, or Funeral Pyre'. 'House of Repose, You Are Well and Truly Fucked'. Something to these effects.

It could only add to the poetry.

[issala]

...and?

[madame_de_fer]

[Behold the quiet chuckle from Vivienne at the young man describing himself as easy. He's delightfully amusing. She's not even fussed that he doesn't quite recognize her.]

This is Madame de Fer.

[If she has to explain who she is in the scheme of things beyond that, she might find herself mildly irritated.]

[the_effect_she_has]

[There is a heavy, heavy sigh.] It doesn't keep all the rain out, but better than a hut with a hole in it.

There are insects everywhere.

The birds stay away because my cat will eat them.

And you really are just here to be useless and complain. Good to know.

[fourscores]

[That gets a proper laugh out of him.]

You should absolutely make those suggestions if you ever meet any of the men in charge.

[degenere]

And your predisposition toward disliking me. Is it a scent thing?

[issala]

FUCK YOU!

[degenere]

Yes, it is a pity that roofs are irreparable. Our only choice is to allow a great tree to grow and plug up the hole. What do you do when your wall has a hole in it? Grow mushrooms?

And you must have quite the cat if he can eat birds that are sitting far above your head. Birds do not fly down to shit on you, you know. They stay above your head. Out of range, likely on their perches.

Did you know this? You see, already I'm useful to you. I'm educating you.

[degenere]

I will, believe me, if you are good enough to point them out to me, Jhin. I'll introduce myself, and make the suggestion: hello, I am Jhin, and I think that you should change the name of your maison.

[gatheringstorm]

Oh, fuck you and take your bigotry elsewhere. We don't need that shit in Skyhold.

[degenere]

Perhaps you should age a little--and come to dislike me less, though I will admit to being intrigued by the suggestion.

You do know I was implying that I had a smell about me, yes? Not you.

[degenere]

That is a less brutal overreaction, but still an overreaction.

[degenere]

You are joking.

[Despite himself, and his disregard for rank, Val is pretty impressed. Madame de Fer--this is impressive, and exciting, in fact, so exciting that he switches into Orlesian:]

Of course, you are not joking. That is no name to make joke of. Madame: it is more a pleasure than I thought. Even more than I could have imagined or dreamed of.

[issala]

I'm not some kind of fucking animal that can smell you, you fuckin' racist prick.

[apologist]

You need not be an animal, my friend. The smell is very strong.

[gatheringstorm]

You tell him, Kas. And then find me, we'll take our minds off this crap.