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[degenere]

FORM: sending crystal
SENDER: Val de Foncé (and with him, as always, is Jehan Mercier)
RECIPIENT: e v e r y o n e
WHAT: the scholars of Orlais have something to say.
WHEN: now, right now
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: aren't they charming.


Inquisition, we are confused.

[Melodious, Orlesian, flirtatious (somehow even in this most simple of sentences): these are three words one might use to describe the sound of Val's voice. It makes confused sound kind of fun, if a bit puzzling.]

My friend and I have come all this way to be an asset to you. And now we have arrived here, to your Skyhold, and we find so much to be in want. How have you all managed so far, with these conditions? I am a man used to the roughness of a camp, a life of travel. I love this life. You'll find no one loves it more than me. But a camp, that is one thing, and this? It is meant to be a city, of a sort. Yet there is no apartment for us. There is barely a work space, in your library--we have been, my friend and I. We have seen the conditions. There is barely a book there.

I am sorry for you, Inquisition.

[So sincere. A pause, in which he has pressed a hand to his chest, in a deep show of pity. And then, briskly, cheerfully:]

But we will not leave you there, in sorrow. The good news. You now have, among your numbers, me. An introduction: Valentine de Foncé, a master architect, among many other masteries, too numerous to name. If you ask sweetly, I'll tell you them all. If you ask very sweetly, I'll give demonstration. And for the Inquisition, I will offer my services, and my knowledge--and so, too, does my friend. If only so we can get a decent space in which we can do our work. And believe me: you want this. We have arrived to be your greatest blessing.

Now, tell me. With business sorted: what does anyone do for fun around here?

Comments

[degenere]

Yes, it is a pity that roofs are irreparable. Our only choice is to allow a great tree to grow and plug up the hole. What do you do when your wall has a hole in it? Grow mushrooms?

And you must have quite the cat if he can eat birds that are sitting far above your head. Birds do not fly down to shit on you, you know. They stay above your head. Out of range, likely on their perches.

Did you know this? You see, already I'm useful to you. I'm educating you.

[the_effect_she_has]

[Muttering under her breath.] yes because then i can stuff them up your -

[A disgruntled noise.] Why do you care if I'm living in a hut with a hole in it, anyways? I'm not worried about me - I'm worried about the refugees who are going to come here, and we might not have enough housing for them. Can you design new and better housing? Can you and your friend do something for them?

[degenere]

I could. If I wanted to.

But will you follow behind me growing trees out of every one that I build? Why would I waste my time with such a risk?

[the_effect_she_has]

[She is grinding her teeth together - but - wait.]

...So, you're more worried about me growing trees behind you then getting funding you so desperately need for your private apartments?

[degenere]

I wouldn't say that I am worried. I wouldn't know where to start with being worried, especially not when I could stop you.

In fact, I don't see why I can't do all of this at once.

[the_effect_she_has]

You know, you could take a moment to consider some of us could help you get that funding. You know, a favor for a favor.

[degenere]

[okay, what]

You have funding.

[the_effect_she_has]

I do. Quite a bit of it, actually.

[Dramatic. Pause.]

To help the refugees with their housing and care.

[degenere]

[Quite brightly:]

Ah! Very good. I am not sure why you're appealing to me, then, if you have your funding sorted! You take care of your destitute, their housing, and all the rest. And I will see to the important matters of the Inquisition. And the very best of luck to you, mademoiselle, and to your poor. And your tree.

[the_effect_she_has]

[... She gives up. Clearly this person was just interested in himself - and his partner.]

Nevermind. If you want private apartments you have to appeal to Lady Josephine and do something impressive. Until then you're stuck in a tent, pretty boy.

[degenere]

I'm stuck nowhere. I have very lateral movements, and I am excellent at construction of towers and ladders. Alas, social climbing, this is not one of my interests. But I am very appealing, and very impressive.

And very pretty. Thank you for saying so. And before we have met more properly, too. If only you weren't interested only in the fate of these poor you are so very fond of, then we would have more to speak about. Alas, alas, and alas once again.

[the_effect_she_has]

[Seriously she wants to shake this guy like a goddamned sack of potatoes.]

Are you saying that the poor should just be ignored?

[degenere]

Are they ignored? You are certainly very interested in them.

[the_effect_she_has]

It takes more than a few people noticing the poor to help them, you know. Paying them attention doesn't put food in their bellies or clothes on their backs.

[Tart? Yes she is.]

[degenere]

Neither does lecturing me about them. You could be knitting shirts right now to cover their poor bare backs. Instead you are here.

Or there. These crystals are fiddly things.

[the_effect_she_has]

I don't knit. I hunt, and I've already done my hunting for the day. I've also helped them repair their houses and made sure the new refugees had blankets and water and wood for fires.

[To name a few things.]

However ... arguing with you isn't helping them, I'll grant you that. So.

[And she cuts off the crystal message.]