therookery | crystal.

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crystal.

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Alistair
RECIPIENT: Everyone around the Gallows
WHAT: A survey
WHEN: Nowish
NOTES: This is only partly my fault

[ Let it be said that Alistair has backed down from all manner of challenges and dares and weird games of chicken, if they were stupid and he wasn't in the mood, but also let it be said that he hasn't backed down from this specific one. ]

I know we're all very busy preventing the world from ending, but if I could have a moment of your time for some important questions—

First, I need to know what sorts of things you consider good-looking, in a man, generally speaking. It doesn't matter if you're attracted to men or not, before anyone feels the need to explain their love lives to me. I only need to know what sort of man-faces you think are pleasant.

And then I need to know if you think Byerly Rutyer is good looking enough to make up for not being a nice man.

And he'd also like to know how much money each of you have. I think that's important for you to know before you answer the nice man part.

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It’s amazing how suddenly bad at this you are, for no apparent reason.

Really, in a manner of speaking, isn't the cruelest thing to give someone an incredibly flattering nickname? He'll get a huge ego as a result.

And then what?

Well, and then the Maker will punish hubris, no?

Maybe, eventually, after death, if any of that is true. But the rest of us would have to live with him in the meantime.

If any of that is true?

Sorry, I meant: definitely, inevitably, just as the Chantry dictates, because it always gets everything exactly right.

Ah. Don't tell me you're one of those.

You’ll have to be more specific.

Oh, you know. Saucily disobedient.

How dare you. I was the abbey’s best and most faithful student. They wept to see me leave.

Tears do not come only from grief.

The Warden-Commander had to invoke the Right of Conscription because the Grand Cleric wouldn’t stop clinging to my legs and begging me to stay.

Kicked her right in the face, I imagine.

I’d nev— [ but he stops, and turns a little daydreamy ] Oh, that would have been nice. If she hadn’t been a frail old woman.

Oooh. Is that a glimmer of affection I hear in there?

Only for the idea of someone kicking her in the face.

If she hadn’t been a frail old woman. Like I said. There are lines.

Mm. So you definitely didn't flinch?

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