Crystal

[in_death_sacrifice]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Kain
RECIPIENT: Everyone!
WHAT: Late night musings about troubling information
WHEN: Now-ish
WHERE: Wherever the griffons are at the moment (but the post is open to anyone anywhere of course!)
NOTES: Brooding warning always applies

It's a late hour, but... indulge me with your thoughts, if you will. [He can't sleep, which is a frequent occurrence. Thanks, Warden nightmares. Though this time, he's trying a different tactic than usual to beat the insomnia. Talking to the Crystal almost seems like a good idea, so why not?]

Is it worth believing in fate? Is life set in stone, a scripted play by the Maker that we're all simply acting in... or is it more open-ended than that? Could it be possible that even seemingly insignificant actions really can change what's to come? That even just one decision could drastically alter everything else in your life? I've... been wondering about this lately. What might my life had been if I'd become a Templar instead of a Warden, for instance? If my ancestors had settled in Ferelden instead of Orlais? So many possible ways in which it all might have turned out differently...

[The letters that Ser Coupe had delivered are really getting to him. He's spent hours pouring over them, analyzing everything from the words themselves to details such as the way the writing looks, or the paper it's written on. He's spent a lot of time just trying to read things that were scribbled out. The indirect warning from his future self was chilling, and... he thinks there may be a chance to alter it. Maybe. Maybe not. He's still thinking it over, wondering about the action that he could take next.]

If you had a chance to go back and change something about your life, would you?

Comments

[wardeneructate]

Blue, you should learn how to drink your feelings away.

[What. He's never done that himself. Shut up.]

[in_death_sacrifice]

[That's the second time he's called him that. Maker's ass, has he reached nickname status now? Uh oh...]

Drinking can help for a time, but it's only ever temporary. Then there's also the headache after you wake up the next morning.

[wardeneructate]

[You sure have, Kain. Congrats.]

Sure. If you stop drinking. If you keep on drinking that headache only comes about once in awhile.

[Is he maybe sort of admitting he drinks to escape pain? Maybe. Sort of.]

[in_death_sacrifice]

[Great, just what he needs!]

Does that really work? In the long term?

[It definitely does explain all the drunkenness...]

[justice_is_blond]

If Varric ever wanders his way back to join the Inquisition, I'm going to suggest he nickname you Cheerful or Sunny. Get some sleep. Sometimes things look better in the morning.

I mean, not dogs, they're still slobbery and leaving muddy footprints everywhere. But other things.

[A pause, and then:]

Life isn't set in stone or scripted. The Maker doesn't care enough for that. We're living our own lives, making our own mistakes, and have to take responsibility for them. There's no changing the past, only the future.

[in_death_sacrifice]

What if I happen to enjoy being awake? Or at least, I find it a better alternative to sleeping, sometimes... it's a nice change of pace.

[Just tell the healer you're having trouble sleeping, Kain. :|]

Anyway, I hope you're right, that the future really is malleable. [If not, then no matter what he does, he'll be dead within a year from something more horrific than he wants to imagine. Please, please let it be that he can change this.] It's true, though, the Maker isn't one to interfere at all, right? So anything that happens... is in my hands now. I only hope I don't mess things up irreparably. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life.

Private

[justice_is_blond]

There's no better alternative to sleep when it comes to resting one's body.

[Lines like that don't work on healers, Kain.]

It especially helps when one's mood is... low, or one has a habit of a low mood. Especially before someone does something that they're doubtful about. What are you contemplating, Kain? I sincerely doubt you're thinking about doing something that I'd not be able to fathom.

[indocile]

If our fates are written down any place, it's by someone whose work would have been laughed out of the university.

( though she sort of wishes it had ever occurred to her to write something like 'the maker as an artist - critiquing the work'. )

[in_death_sacrifice]

[Yes, that at least is comforting to hear in a way, that the idea is that outlandish. He breaths a little sigh of relief.]

It would have to be an impossibly large book, too... or an impossibly large collection of such tomes. There's no way that could possibly exist. It seems like it'd be too much work to write all of that, too.

[The Maker has better ways to occupy himself, right?]

[indocile]

I would write a better story if I had that much ink and paper to waste.

[circleprodigy]

...now you have me wondering whether or not it was a sound plan to leave for Kirkwall first. Perhaps I should have at least left Garahel behind for you.

[There's a worried whine from said Garahel, at Inessa's side.]

[in_death_sacrifice]

Tell Garahel he doesn't need to worry about me, I'm just fine.

[Just filled with dread about the prospect of going all red lyrium, losing his mind and dying horribly. You know, typical everyday concerns.]

It won't be much longer until we join you, anyway.

[circleprodigy]

[There's some canine grumbling on her end, soothed when she pets him.]

Perhaps you should check in on Potato. No doubt she'll enjoy the attention, and at least it can come from one of us. I suspect she'll be unhappy that I've neglected her this long.

[But it can't be helped, and she's trying to make the roost more comfortable.]

Tell me what's troubling you, Kain.

Crystal

[tallasaking]

It is always possible to think 'what if I had gone this way, what if I had done things differently?' You can drown in these kinds of doubts, and these regrets. Yet here we are - the moment has passed and we cannot change that. We can only change now, and what happens in the future.

Whatever mistakes were made, ser, learn from them. Embrace your mistakes, your faults, and become stronger for them.

Most importantly ... don't make that mistake again.

[in_death_sacrifice]

[This man sounds very reasonable, like the sort who's practiced at giving advice. Someone who maybe has thought this sort of thing through as well. Kain sighs a little.]

What if, theoretically, it was a mistake I already made... but also that I hadn't already made?

[Ok, no, that just sounds crazy and he knows it. He doesn't need to be the madman ranting on the crystals here.]

No, never mind. That's... harder to explain than I thought. I'm responsible for my fate, that's what you're saying. This mistake is something which I'm desperately trying to avoid, because it's one which can't be fixed if it does happen. So... you think I have a chance to prevent it?

[tallasaking]

Was it a mistake that you realized in hindsight, or was it a mistake that someone has told you about? Because if that is the case - and you know the possible outcome ... then find another outcome.

Nothing is set in stone, my friend. Especially not the future. Our lives are filled with endless possibilities.

[meds4sale]

How would you define ...fate?

[in_death_sacrifice]

As... predetermined events beyond our control, mainly. The notion that no matter what we do, no matter what choices we make, the future is already set in stone, and won't change. The notion that all choice is just an illusion and nothing more.

[He seriously hopes it isn't a thing, but at the same time... he's a little worried anyway.]

[meds4sale]

There are many things beyond our control, but the future is not one of them.

[nonsibi]

If you'd become a Templar, you'd have different armor.

[Not the extent of the differences at all. That's why it's a joke.]

Everybody's got stuff they would change. Thing is, you can't go back and do it any differently. You're supposed to learn from it.

[in_death_sacrifice]

That I would. Thank you, Ser Obvious.

[A little sarcasm, just to show he gets that it's in jest.]

And is it possible to learn from the future as well? To change that? If someone saw an outcome yet to happen... they experienced it in the past from their perspective. But I haven't experienced it...

[nonsibi]

Well, yeah. That makes it easy. You know what's going to happen, you take whatever path's not going to lead you in that direction.

If it really works clean like that. I don't know if it does or not. Half the time in stories, if someone uses premonitions or whatever, they end up screwed. Killing their father trying to escape some prophecy.

[blessedmaiden]

Kain, do you need a hug?

[Seriously, kid, it's so late and you're having this kind of thoughts... but congratulations, you managed to wake her up.]

I don't think there's a single person who wouldn't change a least something in their lives but no, I don't believe in fate, I believe in free will and the fact that we are completely in control of our lives... that being said, are you okay?

[in_death_sacrifice]

[He probably does need a hug, much as he's trying not to act like it. He definitely didn't intend for so much concern to come of this. Whoops.]

I don't know about completely in control... there are some things that will always be beyond us. But I like the notion that perhaps things aren't fated... I hope it's true, anyway.

I'm fine. [...Sort of, not really.] I just have a lot on my mind.

[blessedmaiden]

Do you really think there's an entity that controls everyone? I think that if we ever had some deity of fate, in this or other worlds, they probably went insane looking at past, present and future of so many people in so many universes...

[Want come and visit mo-Rydia? She's still in Skyhold, after all, and she will be one of the last people to leave for Kirkwall... Then again she knows how 'Kain' acts, more or less, so... instead of asking him for help she will throw there the fact that he may be useful.]
Good to know. Let me know if you want to offer some help to a poor old woman, then, I could use some company now and then.