collection of vital intelligence

[byblow]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Alistair
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: IMPORTANT
WHEN: Now, whenever, time is an illusion
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Threadjacking strongly encouraged.

Urrrgent question: what's the most charming way you've ever been flirted with? And the least charming. Or the most and least charming ways you've ever flirted with someone else.

I know how this sounds, but I really am asking for a friend.

—if you know any good puns, share those, too.

That's all. Thank you.

Comments

[thecookery]

Maybe you should've tried knitting for the darkspawn then.

[ichaer]

They wouldn't have appreciated my work because have you seen how they usually dress? I did consider making a hat for Kelpie once but I was also terribly feverish at the time.

[thecookery]

Well, at least you came to your senses before you made that poor horse cry.

[ichaer]

You know, I had this really cool present for you but I think I'm going to make you a hat instead. It's going to look like an apple.

[thecookery]

I changed my mind. Please give it to Kelpie.

[ichaer]

Too late. Enjoy your knitted socks with mabari puppies on them too.

[thecookery]

Again...

Why are you like this?

[ichaer]

Because I'm such a likable and lovey soul but I honestly do have a gift for you. It's not a hat and socks either because you can stab people with this.

Not to say that you probably couldn't stab someone with a hat and socks. I'm sure you could because I believe in you just that much.

[thecookery]

Wow. Alright.

Thanks? I think?

[ichaer]

You're welcome? I think?

You were... good during that fight. I figured I could so you some things in case someone tries to kidnap you again.

[thecookery]

Oh.

I, um... I was thinking something like that might not be a bad idea.

[ichaer]

I don't know if you'll actually like handling daggers but I thought it would be good to start there instead of going straight for a sword.

[thecookery]

If you think so.

Honestly, I don't know much beyond throwing punches. That's the only fighting I've been taught.

[ichaer]

Hmm. Obviously, it's different but having some basics helps. It's not so hard to make hand-to-hand techniques work with a dagger in hand.

It's really making sure you don't accidentally stab yourself in the process.

[thecookery]

Well, I've managed not to lose any fingers in the kitchen. Maybe that's a good sign.

[ichaer]

Maybe! Thankfully it's not hard to translate hand-to-hand techniques into using them with daggers.

[ Hmm. Okay, she has to chuckle just a little. ] You wanna learn how to do a backflip too?

[thecookery]

Not really. Is that even useful?

[ichaer]

Kicking people in the face, mostly. Nobody expects a backflip but you could also use it in evasion tactics.

[thecookery]

Think I'll probably have to find other ways to do those. Not sure my body bends that way.

[ichaer]

[ The sheer torture it is not to make a comment about bodies and bending. ]

You'd be surprised at how flexible people can be with the right instruction. [ Heh. ] Besides it can't be as bad as getting thrown across a room by your leg.

[thecookery]

[Especially given the context of the post. It's impressive, really. And possibly disappointing if Alistair is still listening?

The perfect pitch for an easy home run, and all Ciri does is give that little bunt (or equivalent fantasy sports metaphor).]

Yeah, but that I only had to do once. This'd have to be a regular thing.

[ichaer]

[ He might even be a little meloncholy. ]

Practice does make perfect. Assuming you're not the sort to tire out easily but we can always work on that too.

[thecookery]

[If only she had approached the situation with more aplum.]

Me? Oh, I've endurance enough. You come do my job sometime, see if you last a day.

[ichaer]

And would you come and do my job then? Assuming you don't tire out just putting the chain mail on.

[thecookery]

Please. I can put on a bit of armor and throw a sword around.