collection of vital intelligence

[byblow]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Alistair
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: IMPORTANT
WHEN: Now, whenever, time is an illusion
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Threadjacking strongly encouraged.

Urrrgent question: what's the most charming way you've ever been flirted with? And the least charming. Or the most and least charming ways you've ever flirted with someone else.

I know how this sounds, but I really am asking for a friend.

—if you know any good puns, share those, too.

That's all. Thank you.

Comments

[thecookery]

Oh.

I, um... I was thinking something like that might not be a bad idea.

[ichaer]

I don't know if you'll actually like handling daggers but I thought it would be good to start there instead of going straight for a sword.

[thecookery]

If you think so.

Honestly, I don't know much beyond throwing punches. That's the only fighting I've been taught.

[ichaer]

Hmm. Obviously, it's different but having some basics helps. It's not so hard to make hand-to-hand techniques work with a dagger in hand.

It's really making sure you don't accidentally stab yourself in the process.

[thecookery]

Well, I've managed not to lose any fingers in the kitchen. Maybe that's a good sign.

[ichaer]

Maybe! Thankfully it's not hard to translate hand-to-hand techniques into using them with daggers.

[ Hmm. Okay, she has to chuckle just a little. ] You wanna learn how to do a backflip too?

[thecookery]

Not really. Is that even useful?

[ichaer]

Kicking people in the face, mostly. Nobody expects a backflip but you could also use it in evasion tactics.

[thecookery]

Think I'll probably have to find other ways to do those. Not sure my body bends that way.

[ichaer]

[ The sheer torture it is not to make a comment about bodies and bending. ]

You'd be surprised at how flexible people can be with the right instruction. [ Heh. ] Besides it can't be as bad as getting thrown across a room by your leg.

[thecookery]

[Especially given the context of the post. It's impressive, really. And possibly disappointing if Alistair is still listening?

The perfect pitch for an easy home run, and all Ciri does is give that little bunt (or equivalent fantasy sports metaphor).]

Yeah, but that I only had to do once. This'd have to be a regular thing.

[ichaer]

[ He might even be a little meloncholy. ]

Practice does make perfect. Assuming you're not the sort to tire out easily but we can always work on that too.

[thecookery]

[If only she had approached the situation with more aplum.]

Me? Oh, I've endurance enough. You come do my job sometime, see if you last a day.

[ichaer]

And would you come and do my job then? Assuming you don't tire out just putting the chain mail on.

[thecookery]

Please. I can put on a bit of armor and throw a sword around.

[ichaer]

Uh-huh. You can't hold it against me when I start laughing once you fall over.

[thecookery]

Oi, don't start your mouthing off if you aren't ready to get it back. I didn't even say I'd be any good at it. Just that I can do it.

I've lifted sacks of potatoes heavier than you and had shifts on my feet longer than some of those soldiers down there have been alive.

[ichaer]

That's like saying because I've worn armor heavier than you or swung swords almost taller than me and managed chopped a hurlock's head off, which was bloody brilliant, means I can survive in a kitchen for a full day. I damn well know that isn't true because I'd likely burn it down on accident.

Like I said, you were good in that fight and I mean it but there's a lot to 'throwing' a sword around to keep in mind if you don't want to cut your hand off. Just like there's a lot to doing your job that doesn't end in poisoning everyone.

[thecookery]

Alright. Not trying to say I can cut down one of those fancy Orlesian dueling blokes.

Just saying... carrying a lot, not chopping off my own fingers, and staying on my feet while sweating my arse off for hours at a time are just about the only things I ever learned how to do.

[ichaer]

[ A scoff. ] Don't put yourself down. Most of them have shitty footwork and spent too much time preening to be even halfway decent duelists.

I didn't have much of a choice aside from learning how to fight myself after I left Denerim. When I became a Warden... it sort of just sealed the deal though I'd avoid going down that road.

[thecookery]

[There's a joke she could be making about whether that road is a deep one. Instead she just gives quiet grunt of acknowledgement, then falls silent for a little while.]

My mum's husband taught me to throw a punch proper. And how to not when I shouldn't. Pretty sure both have saved my life a few times over.