A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[goodforsaken]

If so he's neglected to mention how that same page details what an unholy mess said city states are when we're not scrabbling to remove foreign particles.

[ this is so painfully meta i have blisters now ]

[judgemewhole]

You know, I would ask if you are in jest ... but I think it entirely possible for Orlais to charge on having a thought of your own.

You poor fellows. Horrible ham and you have to pay someone to think.

[serannas]

[ Still trying not to laugh. ]

Is it really her way to favor certain followers over others?

[aventuriere]

They are unlike anything else in Thedas that we have seen! And the buildings of the Qunari among them, as well, the domes and structures almost like beehives? It is-- is said-- to be a truly remarkable place. You are fortunate to have seen it. Why even a glimpse would give a scholar enough to write a book on which one might rest a career.

[judgemewhole]

Ah, and there comes the common argument. We are a nation when a nation is required, serah. Otherwise we enjoy our freedom and our diversity.

[serannas]

Felix Alexius. He's a Grey Warden here at Skyhold.

[el_tybs]

Who said he couldn't read?

[el_tybs]

Not denying it. But Kirkwall got their champion from Ferelden. That also matters if we're arguing the favorite nation.

[aventuriere]

I have never heard of a Warden at the University, but I did hear of a young man of Tevinter several years ago. Your friend's name sounds as if he might be one and the same?

[judgemewhole]

In 5:67 Exalted, the Hero of the Fourth Blight, Tylus who by the way was the first Van Markum King of Nevarra, won several decisive battles against Orlais, finally driving the Orlesian Empire out in 5:40. That was when Nevarra was, of course, growing out of the Free Marches and becoming it's own nation, but it was still considered part of the Marches then.

Later on, in 8:05 Blessed, Kirkwall drove the Orlesians out and regained control of their city, although they did keep the title Viscount. So they can thank you for that.

[qunari]

Which is why we don't tend to let scholars in.

[judgemewhole]

For shame, Luthor. Turning against the Cities that way.

[Although he would absolutely agree that they were a mess on their own, never in front of the Orlesians.]

[judgemewhole]

Oh very well. They can have Marian Hawke but we are keeping Varric Tethras.

[serannas]

Oh, yes. I'm sorry. I meant he's a Grey Warden now, after leaving the university. But that's him, yes.

[aventuriere]

Indeed, one of the very few. I rescued him from near-death while traveling in the mountains. There are some that remain, most in packs high in the hills far from mankind, and some others in the villages nearby that survived the decimation. I met a man there whose family has bred and trained them for centuries and helped to keep the line alive. When Bart is old enough we shall return and visit with his kennels to assist.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Oh they didn't exile him. They just asked that he not be king.

Which was fine because he didn't want to be king.

To be fair we've both spent a great deal of time in Orlais. You have the most darkspawn.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

I see ... but it's all right to say that all Fereldan has are it's mabari?

[sunshinethroughgrey]

We could never forget Alistair. That's just rude.

Oh, I'm not important, Sam!

[sunshinethroughgrey]

Oh thank the Maker, I would hate to think such fine and brave animals died out. Good on you, for preserving them, the way you are. You have a good heart, serah.

[aventuriere]

We have so much more land than anyone else, naturally it would come with more darkspawn. But even so, the Anderfels is certainly the worst in that regard. It is one of many reasons it is a terrible place that should not be anyone's fifth favorite, let alone their second.

[failedfirst]

Yes, clearly a nation that cheerfully murders thousands and drives them from their rightful lands is everyone's favorite.

[goodforsaken]

An unholy mess I'm very fond of! Naturally. A little chaos builds character.

[ unless you're from kirkwall probably ]

[judgemewhole]

Oh, well, one needs to make sure one is prepared ...

[judgemewhole]

So we are now talking of you all as individuals? Interesting.

[judgemewhole]

Precisely, and we have a great deal of chaos ... so we have a great deal of character.

[Well. Come on. Kirkwall.]