A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[degenere]

Please do not say it is a well-bathed mabari. I love mabari, but in this single survey, I have heard enough of them to last me twenty dozen lifetimes.

[degenere]

You are a very strange man.

But, as you wish.

[elegiaque]

Mm, yes.

( -- in the same tone she uses to blow off dull acquaintances. )

[doneisdone]

It is not Orlais. Like most Orlesian scholars, you are wasting everyone's time and taking up space that could easily be filled by a flock of inbred cockatiels without anyone noticing the difference.

[justice_is_blond]

Close. It's a well-bathed Fereldan.

[apologist]

I am not sure if that would make the University more colorful, or less.

[byblow]

[ Must you always. ]

[doneisdone]

It would certainly be quieter.

[justice_is_blond]

[yes]

[apologist]

You wish for institutions of learning to be... quiet?

[el_tybs]

I was kidding. Please don't write a speech about that.

[doneisdone]

No, I wish for Orlesians to be quiet.

[justice_is_blond]

...Do you truly not know a joke when you hear it?

[justice_is_blond]

No it would not. But I'm not surprised you've heard it before.

[apologist]

All of them?

[doneisdone]

All of them.

[apologist]

[ There is a weighty, lengthy pause. If this post were a conversation, written out for display, and Anders were standing next to him, then during that pause Jeannot would pointedly look at it. Alas.

Instead, after the pause, he gets the James Norrington treatment. ]

I am afraid I did not attend that lecture, monsieur.

[justice_is_blond]

You're Orlesian. No one would ask you seriously if you thought them uncivilized, because of course you do. That's basically the definition of Orlesian - someone who looks down on everyone else.

[el_tybs]

You're right, I'm a terrible actor.

[el_tybs]

Could do something that required a series of exercises to be completed.

[apologist]

Wonderful. But now we still must know your second favorite.

[apologist]

Ah, I see. Thank you for the explanation.

[justice_is_blond]

You're welcome. I'm certain it was helpful.

[slipshot]

Well, that completely depends on the context. Where are we?

[failedfirst]

I do not know I don't rank tracts of lands by favorite. [Oh my fen'harel she's so annoyed by this conversation but for some reason she can't stop having it.]

Ferelden.