A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[apologist]

You wish for institutions of learning to be... quiet?

[doneisdone]

No, I wish for Orlesians to be quiet.

[apologist]

All of them?

[doneisdone]

All of them.

[degenere]

Impossible.

[apologist]

Perhaps. But if she wishes it, it cannot hurt us to try. I shall inform the kitchen staff that half of them must work without speaking from now on.

[degenere]

But then what shall we do for food? Does this madwoman wish for us all to starve?

[doneisdone]

Is that an option?

[degenere]

Orlesian ghosts are even louder, madame. Especially those that have been starved.

[aventuriere]

What have Orlesians done to you, madame, to cause such animosity? Did one leave you at the altar? Or perhaps expose a secret that caused you to be left at the altar? Frame you for a crime and force you to spend long years languishing in prison? Sing so loudly that glass shattered and pierced the heart of your mother?

[doneisdone]

[The responding silence is chilly. Perhaps a nerve has been struck.]

[aventuriere]

[ Fascinating. ]

Oh ho, a palpable hit, as they say! Which is it, madame? Was it the glass? I think it was the glass. Perhaps not a single singer but a local chorus, perhaps singing, with tragic irony, at a funeral, unknowing that the hymns raised in supplication to Andraste would only compound the earthly grief....

[doneisdone]

That would please you, I expect.

[aventuriere]

A good story pleases many people, me among them.

[doneisdone]

You will have to manage without.

[aventuriere]

Fear not, madame! I shall never be without a good story, whether you choose to indulge me or not.

[degenere]

Yes, because we will write the story for ourselves.

The voices of the chorus, so raised in song. And since this was a funeral taking place in Orlais, there was, of course, wine for the ceremony. The traditional sup of the mourners. And your mother, there, in the very front row, and as the ethereal voices of the chorus lifted onto the high pure notes, to bring greater glory to Andraste, and to raise the spirit of the dead into--

Well, now. Who was the dead? A cousin?