A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[failedfirst]

I do not know I don't rank tracts of lands by favorite. [Oh my fen'harel she's so annoyed by this conversation but for some reason she can't stop having it.]

Ferelden.

[degenere]

Is it the mabari.

[apologist]

[ Aside-- ] next time we must specify that a single species of animal cannot be used to justify an answer.

[degenere]

Par le créateur. How were we to know that they would all use the mabari? We had too much faith in their creativity.

[aventuriere]

Alas for our too-charitable souls.

But please, madame, surely there must be some place you would prefer above others. Have you no regard for a picturesque vista, or the bustle of a city, or the scent of the seaside? Have you remained your whole life in a single windowless room?

[failedfirst]

[omg she hates all of you so much.]

It's not because of the mabari.

[degenere]

[but she could hate more i bet]

What's wrong with the mabari?

[failedfirst]

[Always. Hers is an unending pool of hatred.]

Nothing. They are just not simply the only reason to have affection for a land.

[apologist]

You have our full-hearted agreement on that. We are so unified in our agreement that we may be able to forgive one another for our earlier disagreement.

But now you must tell us what you do like about Ferelden, if there truly is something to recommend it other than its dogs.

[failedfirst]

The forests are beautiful, places where magic can still be found. It hasn't been ground out by civilization. There is something wild left there.

[degenere]

Ah, see! Now there is a thing to recommend a country by. Not the inferior breed of dog, but the forests, places of untold beauty.

Except we have been told of these places, so I would not quite call them untold, you know. Tell me, madame, have you heard of the Arbor Wilds?

[failedfirst]

[She sounds a little cautious, but less annoyed than a moment ago.]

Yes, I have.

[degenere]

Very good.

[Too cheerful to be totally patronizing.]

And have you been?

[failedfirst]

No. My answer likely would have been different if I had. [You know, if she came back at all instead of disappearing into the elfy woods forever.]

[degenere]

You would lie? That is a sin, my friend, but I am charitable, and will forgive you the impulse. Or ask Jehan to forgive you, at least.

You have heard of the Arbor Wilds, but have not been. So few have. You see, this is a forest of beauties unlearned, unseen--and untold. Who has beheld it to tell of it? So few.

Of course, you were, by the rules of the question, bound to not answer a place of Orlais. So you could not have said the Arbor Wilds, even if you had wanted to. I only point it out as an example, madame.