A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[serannas]

Of the countries I've visited so far, Rivain is my favorite.

[ She's just... going to ignore the prayer question. ]

[degenere]

[LOUDLY (but not unfriendly):] And you must explain WHY, POUR L'ÉTUDE!

Though I am in some agreement. Rivain, an exotic land--though perhaps too comfortably exotic?

[aventuriere]

Yes, the explanation is required! And too comfortable? Can such a thing exist?

[serannas]

[ She resists a sigh. ]

Because the people are kind and welcoming, the food is delicious, the craftmanship of what they make is so detailed and beautiful. Everyone is easy-going and I certainly felt at ease there.

[ Mostly because Andrastrianism isn't as strong there and people aren't dicks to elves. ]

[serannas]

I didn't think it was possible to be too comfortable, unless he means you become so lazy you never move from your spot of comfort.

[degenere]

The last time I was in Rivain, I was chased out. So I don't know that I can in good faith agree with your assessment of her people.

The rest, you have the right of. And it is all pleasant! But... what is the word? Expected.

[degenere]

She is right, that is exactly what I mean. Too true comfort: when you are so comfortable you never stray. Open your arms to me, Freddie, and I will demonstrate.

[judgemewhole]

[Oh, how James has longed for this day. He has longed for this day since they became invaded by Orlesians. He clears his throat, and there's the rustling of parchment.

It is entirely possible he's written a list.]

The Free Marches, because ...

We are independent states that do not need to have someone telling us what to do, what to wear, and how to think.

In fact, we have kicked out every single country that has tried to. That includes the Qunari, the Tevinter Empire, Nevarra, and oh yes, Orlais.

We are the home of the Grand Tourney, the single greatest trial-by-combat there is.

We are the bread basket of Thedas, which means we provide most of the other nations with much needed grain, barley, and other produce.

We are also the home to such famous figures as the Champion of Kirkwall, the great writer Varric Tethras, and the once birthplace of Madame Vivienne, First Enchanter of the Circle of Montsimmard.

[There's almost a sharp smile.] May I remind the judges that while yes, the Free Marches is a number of city states and not a nation, we will come together in force to defend our own. Be it in war, or argument over what constitutes as a nation.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

[Well, it has to be said, and if it's said with a dimpled grin behind it, who would know except those wandering through the Warden camp?]

Fereldan, of course, because of all our lovely mabari.

[serannas]

[ That makes her laugh. ]

And what did you do to get chased out?

[ Because, bro, she does not believe they weren't provoked. ]

[aventuriere]

Nothing! We were merely in pursuit of knowledge, as dedicated scholars must always be.

But it was not really the true Rivainis themselves who chased us, Val, I am not sure they should bear the blame for this.

[degenere]

...Are you reading off a page to us, monsieur?

[serannas]

Ah.

[ As someone who is doing this whole "pursing knowledge" thing, she has a guess. They sound like fancy Orlesians, and fancy Orlesian never think the rules apply to them. ]

Whoever they were, they probably had issues with your approach.

[degenere]

There were a few Rivanis among them! There were a great many old women in that mob. Rivanis.

[aventuriere]

I think that he is reading off a page, Val. This may be disqualifying.

[aventuriere]

You Fereldans know that there are also dogs in other countries, yes?

[el_tybs]

I can assure you, he is not reading off a page.

[apologist]

Shh, Freddie. It is what they have. Let them have it.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

I'm very sorry -- but your dogs are simply not as good as mabari. You have very nice ... uhm, masks, though?

[aventuriere]

We do have excellent masks, thank you! But I am afraid you are mistaken about the dogs. You have not seen my dog.

[degenere]

To the contrary. I have a very gentle approach. Freddie is a walking dream. What's more, she can walk on stilts, but so quietly you would never hear her. She's done it to me. I loved it.

And Jehan is so very handsomely holy, everyone quite falls down when they see him. Moved to devotion. And swooning.

[judgemewhole]

Not in a book, I assure you. I have been waiting, breathlessly, for the Orlesians to stand up and ask us - just what is so marvelous about your country?

So there you have it.

Free Marches. Marvelous. Now and forever.

[degenere]

He is absolutely reading off a page.

[judgemewhole]

I'm really not. I have had this saved up for some time.

[aventuriere]

I know, Jeannot, but they cannot continue behaving as if their precious Mabari are the only dogs on earth! It is an insult to Barthélemy.