[open]

[doneisdone]

FORM: sending crystal
SENDER: Teren von Skraedder
RECIPIENT: errbody
WHAT: Meet your new Warden mom
WHEN: early Solace, after Weisshaupt/the Deep Roads
WHERE: in your earholes
NOTES: teren is mean

Good evening, Skyhold. This is Senior Warden Teren von Skraedder, and I have conceded to use this blasted thing to inform you that I am the newly-appointed Warden liaison for the Inquisition.

Concerns and questions from or regarding Wardens in the context of the Inquisition should be directed to me. I would advise you not to waste my time with inane commentary, but I know who I'm representing and will simply remind you that I control the camp's whiskey rations.

All complaints from Alistair and Kaisa must be reported first to Anders, in observation of both punishing any remaining past misdeeds and in protecting my ears from their keening.

In addition, it would be remiss of me not to inform you that one of our own answered his Calling on our recent expedition to the Deep Roads. May each of us drink to Senior Warden Hercules Hansen tonight, who gave his life in sacrifice to the well-being of Thedas.

Thank you for your time.

Comments

[justice_is_blond]

So essentially you're making me your right hand.

[In other words, time to make her reconsider this choice.]

And asking that I report to you regularly because you know how they can get.

[doneisdone]

Don't get ahead of yourself.

[justice_is_blond]

Too late, already there. Every. Day. You'll see me, speak with me. Won't that be great?

[Teren you don't want this he doesn't want this please.]

[pinprick]

I heard about Herc. Let me know if there's anything I can do.

[Nathaniel still sounds pretty puny, still very much in hospital.

[doneisdone]

All correspondence from Anders, Kaisa, and Alistair is to be reported via Blackwall.

[justice_is_blond]

Oh, such a shame.

[Does he sound smug? Yes, he sounds smug.]

[byblow]

So half of us have to report to Blackwall first, then he forwards things to you—doesn't that make you more of a Blackwall liaison?

[justice_is_blond]

I think his beard is his liason.

[unbrokenoath]

Alistair, I think we're being discriminated against.

[scalethewall]

Wait a moment... what just happened?

[unbrokenoath]

I have a question which I can tell you because it isn't complaining. What do they put in Warden food to make all of them so ruggedly handsome? What secrets are the Wardens hiding that makes them all so stunning? To say nothing of their smooth, charismatic charms.

[unbrokenoath]

I would like to start with complaining about discrimination against Fereldans.

[scalethewall]

Well, I'd say all complaints need to be submitted in written form, but that seems like even further discrimination against Fereldans. [Do you see what he did there? It's funny because everyone knows Fereldans can't read or write. Ha.]

[byblow]

I'd like to complain about more discrimination and the lack of paper to write our complaints on.

[byblow]

Who do we complain to about that if the people we're meant to complain to are the ones doing it?

[scalethewall]

Of course, leave it to Fereldans not to have anything to write on. Maker, you lot are a needy bunch. What next? Quills? Ink?! Things are already getting out of hand.

[scalethewall]

Congratulations, Skraedder.

[Better her than him.]

... Does that make our tent the official office of the Grey Warden liaison?

[unbrokenoath]

I'll form all the complaints as dirty limericks about my sexual exploits.

[doneisdone]

Maker's sake, Gordon, it was a joke.

[scalethewall]

Wait. What was a joke? Letting me live in the other half of your tent or that you're the Warden liaison?

Does that mean I should take this bottle of mead back to the kitchens then? I thought we'd be celebrating.

[doneisdone]

Perhaps we ought to ask Orlais.

[scalethewall]

It strikes me as very odd that I'm taking that as a threat... [What happened to his life?]

[doneisdone]

Put that back down or I'll skin you alive.

Oh. [shuffling sounds of someone fiddling with the crystal, perhaps in an attempt to deactivate it, with distant muttered cursing.] Is this a mage thing--

[ombranera]

The joke is that the two of you liase together.

[ Innuendo, Blackwall. ]

[byblow]

I'm fairly sure Orlais' advice will be to fight you, take your position, and display your head on a pike outside my new tent.

[ Moira Theirin wasn't his grandmum, but she was still his grandmother. ]