Crystal

[armd]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Mobius and Abby
RECIPIENT: Youse
NOTES: Gentle reminder from your friendly librarians. ITT: Pedant behaviour and idle threats of violence

[There's a small moment of taking a breath, with a sound and tone like a tired schoolteacher.]

I'd like to remind people of some basic library etiquette. The library is for everyone. Don't be loud, rowdy, or obnoxious while in there. If you make a mess, clean it up. Don't run. Don't leave candles burning after you're done with them. Don't reshelve books yourself. Popular books can have waitlists, and said list will be followed, and no, you cannot skip places unless someone decides they don't actually want it after all.

If you must bring food and drink into the library, say for a long research session, [Viktor, Stephen,] be careful about it. Don't eat over a book and get crumbs and jam and grease stains all over the texts. If you spill your ale over it and it comes back in an unacceptable condition, you're getting charged for it. There are old maps, scrolls, tomes, and the like in the library that are invaluable to us, so be mindful of how you handle them. And, accidents happen. If you damage a book, just be upfront about it. A lot of it can be mended, like broken spines, loose covers, and more.

Dog-ears are annoying; bookmarks exist.

[There's a lean forward.]

Do not. write. in. the books.

[And a lean back.]

If you don't return your overdue books, I'll break your arm.

She's joking.

I'm not. Try it.

Abby—

[The crystal clicks off.]

Comments

[biggame]

I think it's very kind of them to hide the books away from us in a place that isn't any fun. Keeps us from any accidental encounters.

[bouchonne]

Yes, imagine how awful it would be if they placed books in the care of hot people. But they’re not so cruel. We have no reason to get near them.

[biggame]

Hey, I wouldn't go that far. Silver 'Stache and Muscles, here—I wouldn't say no to either of them, if they were sweet about it.

[favoriteanalyst]

I appreciate it. When I'm not defending the honor of books, I might be able to wring out some sweetness.

Hey Abby, I think we've got ourselves a team name.

[armd]

'Silver 'Stache and Muscles'?

Pass.

[biggame]

How about Professor Pages and the no fun at all?

[armd]

Wait— (This PSA is backfiring.

Weakly,) I'm fun.

[biggame]

Fun people let me call them Muscles.

[armd]

Sometimes people call me Abs.

[biggame]

Wring it out? What are we talking about here? A trickle? Or like when you can squeeze a little water out onto the surface of a cloth but as soon as you stop squeezing it goes back in?

[favoriteanalyst]

Now I don't know which one sounds better, since they both make me sound like kind of an asshole.

Maybe like a satchel of tea, wringing out the rest of the water from the tea for that little bit more flavor.

[grindset]

Bitter flavour.

[biggame]

[ Whispering— ]

What? Has he been mean to you? Tell me everything.

[grindset]

He did once threaten to eject me from the library.

[—not whispering.]

[bouchonne]

There’s an ocean of difference between hot and wouldn’t say no.

[biggame]

It's a lake at most.

[bouchonne]

Lake Calenhad, maybe.

[biggame]

That's a big one.

[ After a moment, ]

Are we on the hot side?

[bouchonne]

What? Of course. I’m extremely hot. You are, too. Devastatingly hot.

[armd]

You don't think I'm hot?

[bouchonne]

Not after that speech. You’ve made yourself into prime spinster material, my dear.

[armd]

It wasn't even my speech!

[bouchonne]

You were close to it when it was being given. I'm sure you were nodding. You're gauche by association.

[armd]

Whatever.

[bouchonne]

I’ll remember you fondly to my cool compatriots. We’ll raise a glass to you, who have departed our ranks.